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    • #105386
      Stay or leave
      Participant

      It has been a long period of time since I asked him to leave. He said he would go and was looking for accomodation. We live in seperate rooms and I have had no contact with him. (Detail removed by moderator)  he was drinking came into my room asking me if I still loved him and then answered the question himself with No and said he would be gone soon.
      It is a living nightmare waiting for him to leave. One minute it seems we are two grown adults agreeing the relationship broke down a long time ago. The next minute hes talking about whats for tea!
      I just want him to leave. I want a normal life without him in it. Lockdown is delaying things. I understand he has alot to loose leaving but he has done it before. I totally regret taking him back last time. I was brainwashed by him.

       

       

    • #105387
      KIP.
      Participant

      No he’s going nowhere imo. Why would he, he’s getting access to you where he is. Sitting comfortably. Where is his incentive to leave. If he was going anywhere he would have gone the day you told him it was over. Even if it was just to sofa surf elsewhere until he finds something. My ex did this and dragged it out for months gradually getting worse until I had to get the police involved.

    • #105433
      Stay or leave
      Participant

      It feels like i am waiting forever for him to leave. He appears to be normal just going about his business. He has stopped being agressive for a period of time. Cooks his own food. Leaves me alone. Odd weird comment which I just do grey rock whatever the subject opinion or not. I know the police are going to have to get involved at some point if he refuses to leave. Its my house in my name. Married him after and he is entitled to some of the equity. He has no money and I think its a motivator for him staying in the hope I sell and pay him out. I dont want to leave though my kids need stability. Both School and home.

    • #105434
      iliketea
      Participant

      Sounds really disconcerting. Could you apply for an occupation order to get him removed?

    • #105437
      KIP.
      Participant

      Have you spoken to a solicitor? Your house may be part of marital assets meaning he has a claim on it so it might not be as simple as asking the police to remove him. You can get some legal advice from Rights of Women and most solicitors offer free initial advice. Can you give him a deadline? Or would that provoke him. If there’s a deadline then you will know if he’s going or not but imo he’s going nowhere. Especially if he has a claim on the house. Or thinks he does. Your local women’s aid should be able to support you and give you further advice. That behaving like nothing has changed is very typical. He’s not interested in you or you’re option or requests, he will just carry on with what suits him and ignore the rest.

    • #105440
      Stay or leave
      Participant

      I spoke to a solicitor who told me not to leave the house. I was foolish and took him back as he was sofa surfing and wormed his way back. This was last time I ended the relationship. He is money orientated and once suggested I left and he took over the mortgage. I refused thinking how dare he even suggest I give him the family home. I then flip the coin and think what if I was in his shoes and was asked to leave the family home with nothing. I wouldnt want to go either. I am in a difficult situation. In a relationship that has ended a long time ago. This atmosphere is no good for the family. I am relying on him leaving on his own accord. I would never set a date because he would purporsly not meet it. He is just like that. No one can tell him what to do or by when.

    • #105443
      KIP.
      Participant

      I think if the relationship was over and it was not my house I’d be gone by now. I would respect what I came into the marriage with and be fair and leave. How did you get him out the last time? Can you lie to him and persuade him to leave. I got my ex to move out by saying it was a trial separation.

    • #105452
      Stay or leave
      Participant

      I am going to consider doing this but it wont be no trial. Once hes gone hes gone for good. Last time he left on his own accord but still had a key and came back every day. His excuse was he needed things. This went on for a long time. I got counselling and was coping well at the time. Then he got back in my head and worked his way back. He turned nice again. It didn’t last. Within a period of time he was agressive and I was back to the start. I had him and his mood swings to deal with and him using drugs mostly in secret. His addiction got worse I became depressed not knowing how to escape this. I woke up again recently. I realised I need out and this time it has to be for good. I plan on going no contact once hes gone.

    • #105465
      KIP.
      Participant

      Absolutely it’s not a trial separation. You need to lie to persuade him to go. Tell him anything. Promise him the earth. Once he’s gone Change the locks, Then tell him you’ve change your mind and it’s over completely, all his belongings in black bin bags and dumped at a friend or family member and block him on everything. The courts never like to make people homeless so it’s sometimes difficult to get these men out on those grounds but once he’s gone then he cannot argue this. Do what you have to but stay safe x

    • #105466
      KIP.
      Participant

      Promise him date nights like the early days when you can work on your relationship. Promise him relationship counselling to try and save your relationship but before all that happens you need space and he needs to move out. Whatever you think he will believe then close that door on him for good x it may well be quicker and less expensive than lawyers. Once he’s gone and you’re safe you can sort out the divorce but I’d also try to get an occupation order to prevent his return if this is needed. If he does have legal rights to occupy the home he may well simply return. Get all your ducks in a row x

    • #105604
      Stay or leave
      Participant

      I am going to try this promising act and telling him what he wants to hear. I once did mention a trial separation and his facial expression changed. He started being nice then turned nasty saying once Its over its over. I was thinking its already over ! But kept this to myself. I am tired of this its so draining. I am telling myself I am getting closer to freedom. Away from him. Thats keeping me going. He is acting like he doesn’t have a care in the world!

    • #105624
      KIP.
      Participant

      That’s because he doesn’t have a care in the world. He’s getting everything he wants. There’s no bond with you so he simply doesn’t care. He has food and a roof over his head. Why would he leave. Get support from women’s aid. They may have other ideas to help you in the meantime.

    • #133283
      Stay or leave
      Participant

      It is a battle with him. I leave the family home for periods of time just to get away from him. I shouldn’t have to its my home. He is a drug addict. I never see him doing it but know he is and he admits he is. If I suggest he leaves to his face he gets angry. Slams doors and shouts at me telling me to leave. I keep looking for somewhere to go but nothing in the area is affordable. I am clearing the house ready to move. So when i do go it will be easier. I have no motivation to do anything. To stop stressing i am trying to focus on my wellbeing.

    • #133284
      KIP.
      Participant

      So sorry you’re still in this position. Can you talk to the police? Ask them to remove him because you fear for your life? Talk to your local women’s aid. There are civil orders you can use too. A non molestation order. Get some legal advice. It’s exhausting dealing with an abuser but long term you will be the one homeless when its your home now. Get support.

    • #133318
      Stay or leave
      Participant

      I am not ready to go to the police. I feel trapped by him in my own home even though I am free to leave. He puts no restrictions on my movements. I could go for months he wouldn’t care. He only cares about him. I know this can’t go on forever and one day it will all be over. I am exhausted but living my own separate life in my own way. I try to act as though he doesn’t exist. If I meet new people/ friends I never reveal my terrible situation. I have an extra weight on my mind keeping me stuck here. One of the children wants to stay local and even suggested living with him after hearing me threatening to move and leave the family home. I try to put being homeless out of my head. He should be the one going homeless not me I have done nothing wrong.

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