• This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 weeks ago by KIP..
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    • #130712
      recovering22
      Participant

      Other half has now been told he can’t come in the house without the police present. Been away for a (removed by moderator) months now, no contact except a letter from the solicitor saying (removed by moderator), which I replied no ago all (removed by moderator). I’m not strong enough, my flashbacks are happening everyday and its take me a few hours to recover from them.

      The police called by and told me his belongings had been dumped in the street, passerby called them and they looked through them and to the house.

      They called his phone while with me and it wasn’t his voice, so I think (removed by moderator).

      The belongings had things like (removed by moderator) he’s been busy preparing for the divorce. All the important things that shouldn’t be lost.

      The problem is the belongings included my personal information (he’s building a case against me for DV) on his laptop and hard drive. I’m sure the (removed by moderator) has my driving licence photo, my passport photo etc as well as banking details and other sensitive information.

      I’m really concerned how this happened and if someone else found them, they would access to all my personal information for me and my family/friends. He kept everything (removed by moderator) including my banking details etc.

      They also said they aren’t listing him as a missing person and that they don’t consider him to be a threat to himself. So they will (removed by moderator). I did say if you (removed by moderator) he doesn’t have then how will he know. They failed to answer that.

      I’ve been told not to contact him but I couldn’t stop myself when they told me as I was concerned about why his stuff would be abandoned and how it ended up in someone else’s hands. I called the police today to see if he had picked it up, they wouldn’t tell me if he had collected everything (data protection) and so now I’m left wondering where is the (removed by moderator) and who has it.

      They told me if my information is breached to contact them, and change all the important stuff. That means a new passport, driving licence etc. This is really worrying for me.

      Another thing is he has stopped sharing the phone plan, meaning that I have lost all my messages, chats etc because he took my name of it. He now has all the information collected over the years to use against me.

      Any suggestions on what to do.

    • #130778
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hello Recovering22,

      I’m sorry to hear of what you’re going through at the moment, I can hear how stressful and worrying the situation must be for you.

      Have the police given you information for your local domestic abuse support service? It could be helpful to access some support and advocacy at the moment.

      I’m wondering if you would feel it could be helpful to get some legal advice also? I would suggest having a look at the Rights of Women website, and maybe giving them a call when you have the time or energy: https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/

      It sounds like it could be good to start gaining an understanding of your rights and options in preparation if your ex is building a case against you as you’ve mentioned.

      I hope you’re feeling okay today.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

    • #130828
      recovering22
      Participant

      The police I’ve been told by my IDVA will likely do nothing as they have been in touch. The problem is I am sure that I will be accused of DV and he’s building a case against me. Everyone says no he’s not.I’m scared and when I think about this I break. He has been relentless in creating problems for me and all the while building his case against me. He’s attending a (detail removed by moderator) course.

      Rightsofwomen haven’t been able to help, I going to strung out on my own soon as all the services are starting to stop helping me. They see it as I’m safe. I’m on meds to help with the depression etc.

      I’m terrified of what he will do.

    • #130829
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey, try not to let the fear take over. Panic is your worst enemy. Even if he is building a case against you, he won’t have any proof. The fact that he has access to your messages on your phone would ring alarm bells for me because that’s what abusers do. He’s playing the victim too which is another tactic. Abusers will try to discredit us so that when their abuse is exposed, we look less credible. Do not contact him. Do not try to contact him. He will use this against you. Contact your local women’s aid for support. Try writing a journal of all his abuse and consider reporting it to the police x abuse is a pattern of behaviour.

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