Viewing 45 reply threads
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    • #124041
      Busyditch
      Participant

      I can’t give details but he found out (detail removed by moderator) that I’m leaving him very soon. This is the most painful experience I’ve ever felt. I never knew it was even possible to have so many conflicting emotions all at once. I couldn’t describe this if I tried.

      This is going to sound so weird but I need to ask anyone reading this to send me positive vibes, I really need to know someone anyone is rooting for me. The isolation and fear is consuming me.

    • #124043
      beachhut
      Participant

      Hello.

      You can do this, I did. So now he knows, you feel sick, scared and everything in between. Carry on with your plan, as hard as it may be, be careful and stay safe, keep posting on here, we are all with you at this most difficult time. If I could help you pack your bits and pieces I would, but am with you all the way.

      Take care of you.

      • #124045
        Busyditch
        Participant

        Thank you. I’m literally glued to this forum willing people to reply. I can’t do this alone I know I need to be strong for my children even though they are all growing up and only one is legally a child I hate being so vulnerable in front of them.

    • #124047
      Lottieblue
      Participant

      With you all the way…. ALL the way

      💕💕💕💕💕💪💪

    • #124048
      Freedom @
      Participant

      Stay strong. Keep going. Its just a bump not a setback. I will send you positive energy in my meditation this morning. Every little bit helps. Keep going x

      • #124061
        Busyditch
        Participant

        Thank you I need all the help I can get.

    • #124050
      Hawthorn
      Participant

      Thinking of you Busyditch, and sending lots of positive energy your way. Feel the fear and let it power you out of there and and to safety. You are not alone. Keep going with your plan, you can do this. You are so strong, you could not have endured the years of abuse otherwise. Breathe deep, you got this. Sending love, light and strength..and a big hug xx

    • #124052
      Eggshells
      Participant

      You’re not alone Busyditch. Put us right there with you. In spirit we’re walking by your side with our arms around you. xx

    • #124054
      KIP.
      Participant

      You’ve got my support one hundred percent. I’ve been there. You just need to take that leap of faith. Override that fear. You deserve so much more. Don’t listen to his delusional nonsense but stay safe because this s a very dangerous time. Keep your mobile on you at all times and ring 999 if you feel threatened.

    • #124055
      Bettertimesahead
      Participant

      Stay safe.Stay strong.Focus on tiny steps to get you through. You can do this. And you will xx

      • #124065
        Busyditch
        Participant

        Thank you.
        I can’t even imagine what lays ahead.

    • #124066
      Seekingclarity1
      Participant

      You got this girl. For the sake of your own sanity and your children, you got this!!!

    • #124067
      Busyditch
      Participant

      I keep bursting into panic, like out of nowhere I keep hyperventilating. I never reacted like this before! I’ve had some bad times in my life, but hyperventilating is not one I’m familiar with. It’s happened three times now, the first one I fainted when I got the ‘green light’.

      😳

      • #124076
        KIP.
        Participant

        It’s trauma. Talk to your GP x

      • #124079
        Busyditch
        Participant

        I am, she calls me once a week, twice this week.

      • #124082
        KIP.
        Participant

        Try to get some good trauma therapy from someone trained in domestic abuse. Especially after you leave. That’s when the real healing can begin. When you’re safe x meantime look at mindfulness. Walking. Meditation. Eat and if you can’t eat make sure youre constantly drinking water. It’s like getting battle ready x The Body Keeps The Score is a great book. Educate yourself on trauma, trauma bonding, they cycle of abuse because I found a cycle of recovery very similar x

      • #124089
        Busyditch
        Participant

        Thank you.

    • #124068
      Busyditch
      Participant

      How can I stay strong and safe if my body decides to do stupid things like that?

      • #124086
        KIP.
        Participant

        Trauma therapy will help you deal with what your body does. It’s not stupid its a natural reaction to abuse. I have post trauma stress disorder but I’ve had help to deal with it. It’s really important you keep reaching out and get some understanding of what’s happening to your mind and there for your body reacting x

    • #124072
      ISOPeace
      Participant

      Your request of us is a really brave thing to do and is a totally normal human thing to do, so if you’re not used to doing that then well done you for honouring your need for support! I think it shows that you’re detaching from him even before you’ve left.

      I’m supporting you 100% and sending loads of love and strength and encouragement. Just focus on the next step. You’ve got this! xxxx

      Btw, you are strong and safe even if you body hyperventilates. I know it doesn’t feel like it but when it happens you are ok. If you get too much oxygen/CO2 (I can’t remember what happens when you hyperventilate!) then you faint, that’s your body protecting you. I’m sure it must feel scary and make you feel powerless. It probably feels like it’s happening because something’s wrong, but that’s the fear he has spent years cultivating in you to keep you stuck. It’s totally ok to feel scared but you don’t have to do what the fear tells you. You are absolutely doing the right thing by leaving. Others may have better advice than me but maybe think of the hyperventilating like a sneezing fit – it’s really inconvenient and annoying but it won’t cause you harm and it will pass. xxxx

      • #124080
        Busyditch
        Participant

        Believe it or not, asking for support is totally out of character but I feel completely overwhelmed and alone I don’t know where else to turn.

      • #124090
        ISOPeace
        Participant

        You’ve chosen a good place to reach out 😊

        Having read some of the other comments, I realise that even though I know your reactions are totally normal reactions to abuse, I don’t know anything about how to deal with trauma. I don’t want you to think that I think panic attacks and hyperventilating aren’t a big deal. I’m glad you’ve had advice from people who do know about it.

        I also know that you are strong and you will get out. xxxxx

      • #124092
        Busyditch
        Participant

        I only feel positive vibes from every message here. It’s ok. X

    • #124073
      MeAgain
      Participant

      Sending you all my love and strength to get through this. I’m rooting for you, you’ve got this. Safe safe and keep us updated xx

    • #124084
      Living Warrior
      Participant

      I suffer with anxiety and panic attacks, which got extremely worse once i left.
      i passed out at my childrens school, had anxiety attack in a supermarket when i didnt know which bread to buy… iv had lots of them over “silly” things. They are few now, and i can recognise my own “triggers”
      my chest tightens, i feel hot and sweaty, but dont actually sweat. ive felt dizzy. felt like im being watched, like im not safe. my body shakes, my mouth goes dry. my eyes scan EVERYWHERE and flick over everything. i breathe faster..

      now all those things dont always happen, sometimes its one or two.. sometimes more…
      but i found things to “ground” me..
      when i notice it happening ( usually if im going somewhere iv never been, or somewhere i know he goes)
      i use mints to ground me, i suck them and the minty flavour grounds my senses and helps me focus.
      that is one that i still use now because its the one which helps me most.

      always make sure you are safe, if you know that you are safe yet you “feel” an anxiety attack for a silly reason try these..

      taking slow/deep breaths focus on anything else… try reciting the alphabet in your head as you breathe.
      if your mind is focussed on something else its harder to lose control.
      in severe attacks i recited times tables (as its harder and takes more focus)

      have something in your pocket, a pebble or something to squeeze… think about how it feels.
      tell yourself you are safe and this is normal.
      be kind to yourself, if you are having a bad day, dont force yourself to do extra things.
      but on those good days try to push yourself a little so you dont get scared of doing or going new things/places.

      these all helped me, aswell as listening to music. take your earbuds with you use one to listen to music.. dont wear two, as you wouldnt hear a danger.

      also i found some of these guides helpful.
      https://web.ntw.nhs.uk/selfhelp/#anxiety

      • #124093
        Busyditch
        Participant

        Thank you for taking the time to type this. I appreciate it. 🌺

    • #124091
      Eggshells
      Participant

      We’re still here. Right with you. My Dr gave me beta blockers for panic attacks. I take them on an ad hoc basis when I need them. They might help in the short term

      • #124094
        Busyditch
        Participant

        I’ve taken slow release beta blockers every day for years now. 😔

    • #124095
      Busyditch
      Participant

      Not long now….
      But he is trying all kinds of tactics to either get me to stay or explain more about where I’m going.

      He is telling me I’m selfish (I can tell he is cross) because I won’t give any more info.

      He has been saying he has (detail removed by moderator) for finding a place and going through with it.

      He has even tried crying when I said (detail removed by moderator)

    • #124096
      KIP.
      Participant

      He’s going to jump from emotion to emotion but this is a dangerous time for you because when he’s losing control is when they become violent. If you can get out sooner then please go. My ex went from being all amicable to terrorising me, crying to threatening, begging to aggression. Stay safe x

    • #124106
      Busyditch
      Participant

      This is horrific!!!!! I’ve just had a tsunami of…. I don’t even know how to describe it. I’m supposed to leave tomorrow morning, he has just spent (detail removed by moderator) minutes (I recorded it 😩) just insulting me, our children, my family…. on and on and on to hurt me as much as he possibly could. How can anyone ever say such hurtful things. I really wanted this to be amicable but it’s just gone horribly wrong. I don’t know what to do. I can’t take any more (detail removed by moderator).

    • #124107
      Busyditch
      Participant

      Please please please let this be over now.

    • #124108
      Hawthorn
      Participant

      Stay safe Busyditch, keep your phone on you and charged and dont hesitate to call 999 for the police if he’s threatening and frightening you. They can remove him and you can get to safety. Take the very best care and keep reaching out. You are not alone xx

    • #124109
      Busyditch
      Participant

      (detail removed by moderator) to go 😩 just (detail removed by moderator) more hours!!!!!!!

    • #124110
      Busyditch
      Participant

      At least our children are not here… I’ve managed to divert our youngest to (detail removed by moderator) house.

    • #124111
      Busyditch
      Participant

      I’m actually tempted to open the gin to get through the next (detail removed by moderator)HOURS LEFT!!!

      He has at least gone quiet now, sat in front of the tv, hopefully he will fall asleep.

    • #124112
      Busyditch
      Participant

      It’s going to be a long night. 😭

    • #124113
      Busyditch
      Participant

      (detail removed by moderator)to go. This is the saddest thing I’ve ever done!!! 🥲

    • #124114
      Busyditch
      Participant

      (detail removed by moderator)… this is desperation at its finest. 🥺

    • #124115
      KIP.
      Participant

      I’d ring the police because I don’t think he will let you leave safely x

    • #124116
      KIP.
      Participant

      It’s at this point I was assaulted. There is no amicable from an abuser. It’s all about control x

    • #124117
      Catjam
      Participant

      Big hugs xx

    • #124118
      Empoweredhealing
      Participant

      Please stay safe. You are almost free! Rooting for you!!

    • #124120
      Busyditch
      Participant

      (detail removed by moderator) to go and he (detail removed by moderator) left for work!!!!

    • #124121
      Sleepypigeon
      Participant

      Sending you hugs. I understand the way your feeling to. My body responded like this. Heart racing, head spinning panic attacks, I talked to my self, said I can do this, to calm myself down, also used empowering songs to try and turn the scared feeling into feeling powerful, it did help even if it sounds weird. We are all behind you. You can do this. Keep posting to let us know your safe xx

    • #124124
      Busyditch
      Participant

      I’m safe. This is all so surreal.

    • #124125
      Lottieblue
      Participant

      Oh my Gosh FANTASTIC!!!
      Look at how well you have done!!
      You are truly amazing!
      You called on the support of the wonderful women on here, because you knew they would carry you through and look! They were up all night for you!

      I can’t tell you how happy I am for you. May the rest of your life begin here.

      💕💕💕💕💕

    • #124126
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Hello Busyditch – You CAN do this – I believe in you. Breathe out. Breathe In. Slow. Walk out the door into freedom and the healing journey. Then stay away. If he comes call the police. This is your time x*x

    • #124127
      Watersprite
      Participant

      My post crossed you did it ! Well done sooo brave so proud of you!!! Knew you could – u have come so far!!!x

    • #124129
      Busyditch
      Participant

      I’m not out the door yet. But I’m actually clinging onto the forum as if my life depends on it.

    • #124130
      Lottieblue
      Participant

      Is someone picking you up? X

    • #124132
      Eggshells
      Participant

      You’re so nearly there now. I’m glad he’s gone to work. Have you locked the doors and left the key in the lock to stop him getting back in – just in case?

    • #124136
      ISOPeace
      Participant

      I’m so excited for you Busyditch! You are so strong. Look how far you’ve got despite how you’re feeling! You are truly inspirational.

      Let us know you’re away and safe when you can. Sending lots of love xxxx

    • #124141
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hoping that you’re safely out now. xx

    • #124154
      Sleepypigeon
      Participant

      Been thinking of you today and hoping you are OK and safe xx

    • #124156
      KIP.
      Participant

      Thinking of you. Let us know how you are x

    • #124160
      Busyditch
      Participant

      I’m ok. I’ll update you as soon as I can. It’s been the most traumatic day ever.

    • #124161
      Watersprite
      Participant

      But you did it?? 🌻 x

    • #124361
      Living Warrior
      Participant

      your very welcome on taking the time to right my post earlier, i hope it helped. I hope you are still safe. well done to you!! my advice will be to still keep a log of EVERYTHING! you have done the hardest part, but he will still try to get you to change your mind and go back! (he feels atm he has lost his power) he will beg, plead, cry, threaten and do ANYTHING to get you to go back. but remember, he has NO POWER now! you are out and there are many ways to prove the problems and the behaviour and what type of man he is! no matter how hard things get, DONT go back 🙂 iv been there with kids and leaving, things go predominantly worse, he spiralled out of control, i had police and court orders. but i didnt back down, and i still agree its the best thing i have done, yes im still having issues, but i still wouldnt go back 🙂 every day he gets less and less hold over me, every minute we are away we get stronger!

      you are a warrior!! never give up!! good luck on your journey.

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