Tagged: advice, help, practical info, support, useful links
- This topic has 65 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 1 week, 5 days ago by
Living Warrior.
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31st March 2021 at 7:23 am #124041
Busyditch
ParticipantI can’t give details but he found out (detail removed by moderator) that I’m leaving him very soon. This is the most painful experience I’ve ever felt. I never knew it was even possible to have so many conflicting emotions all at once. I couldn’t describe this if I tried.
This is going to sound so weird but I need to ask anyone reading this to send me positive vibes, I really need to know someone anyone is rooting for me. The isolation and fear is consuming me.
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31st March 2021 at 8:04 am #124043
beachhut
ParticipantHello.
You can do this, I did. So now he knows, you feel sick, scared and everything in between. Carry on with your plan, as hard as it may be, be careful and stay safe, keep posting on here, we are all with you at this most difficult time. If I could help you pack your bits and pieces I would, but am with you all the way.
Take care of you.
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31st March 2021 at 8:10 am #124045
Busyditch
ParticipantThank you. I’m literally glued to this forum willing people to reply. I can’t do this alone I know I need to be strong for my children even though they are all growing up and only one is legally a child I hate being so vulnerable in front of them.
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31st March 2021 at 8:12 am #124047
Lottieblue
ParticipantWith you all the way…. ALL the way
💕💕💕💕💕💪💪
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31st March 2021 at 8:15 am #124048
Freedom @
ParticipantStay strong. Keep going. Its just a bump not a setback. I will send you positive energy in my meditation this morning. Every little bit helps. Keep going x
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31st March 2021 at 8:20 am #124050
Hawthorn
ParticipantThinking of you Busyditch, and sending lots of positive energy your way. Feel the fear and let it power you out of there and and to safety. You are not alone. Keep going with your plan, you can do this. You are so strong, you could not have endured the years of abuse otherwise. Breathe deep, you got this. Sending love, light and strength..and a big hug xx
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31st March 2021 at 8:30 am #124052
Eggshells
ParticipantYou’re not alone Busyditch. Put us right there with you. In spirit we’re walking by your side with our arms around you. xx
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31st March 2021 at 8:45 am #124054
KIP.
ParticipantYou’ve got my support one hundred percent. I’ve been there. You just need to take that leap of faith. Override that fear. You deserve so much more. Don’t listen to his delusional nonsense but stay safe because this s a very dangerous time. Keep your mobile on you at all times and ring 999 if you feel threatened.
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31st March 2021 at 8:49 am #124055
Bettertimesahead
ParticipantStay safe.Stay strong.Focus on tiny steps to get you through. You can do this. And you will xx
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31st March 2021 at 9:39 am #124066
Seekingclarity1
ParticipantYou got this girl. For the sake of your own sanity and your children, you got this!!!
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31st March 2021 at 9:42 am #124067
Busyditch
ParticipantI keep bursting into panic, like out of nowhere I keep hyperventilating. I never reacted like this before! I’ve had some bad times in my life, but hyperventilating is not one I’m familiar with. It’s happened three times now, the first one I fainted when I got the ‘green light’.
😳
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31st March 2021 at 11:39 am #124076
KIP.
ParticipantIt’s trauma. Talk to your GP x
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31st March 2021 at 1:11 pm #124079
Busyditch
ParticipantI am, she calls me once a week, twice this week.
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31st March 2021 at 1:31 pm #124082
KIP.
ParticipantTry to get some good trauma therapy from someone trained in domestic abuse. Especially after you leave. That’s when the real healing can begin. When you’re safe x meantime look at mindfulness. Walking. Meditation. Eat and if you can’t eat make sure youre constantly drinking water. It’s like getting battle ready x The Body Keeps The Score is a great book. Educate yourself on trauma, trauma bonding, they cycle of abuse because I found a cycle of recovery very similar x
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31st March 2021 at 5:42 pm #124089
Busyditch
ParticipantThank you.
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31st March 2021 at 9:44 am #124068
Busyditch
ParticipantHow can I stay strong and safe if my body decides to do stupid things like that?
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31st March 2021 at 4:27 pm #124086
KIP.
ParticipantTrauma therapy will help you deal with what your body does. It’s not stupid its a natural reaction to abuse. I have post trauma stress disorder but I’ve had help to deal with it. It’s really important you keep reaching out and get some understanding of what’s happening to your mind and there for your body reacting x
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31st March 2021 at 10:25 am #124072
ISOPeace
ParticipantYour request of us is a really brave thing to do and is a totally normal human thing to do, so if you’re not used to doing that then well done you for honouring your need for support! I think it shows that you’re detaching from him even before you’ve left.
I’m supporting you 100% and sending loads of love and strength and encouragement. Just focus on the next step. You’ve got this! xxxx
Btw, you are strong and safe even if you body hyperventilates. I know it doesn’t feel like it but when it happens you are ok. If you get too much oxygen/CO2 (I can’t remember what happens when you hyperventilate!) then you faint, that’s your body protecting you. I’m sure it must feel scary and make you feel powerless. It probably feels like it’s happening because something’s wrong, but that’s the fear he has spent years cultivating in you to keep you stuck. It’s totally ok to feel scared but you don’t have to do what the fear tells you. You are absolutely doing the right thing by leaving. Others may have better advice than me but maybe think of the hyperventilating like a sneezing fit – it’s really inconvenient and annoying but it won’t cause you harm and it will pass. xxxx
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31st March 2021 at 1:18 pm #124080
Busyditch
ParticipantBelieve it or not, asking for support is totally out of character but I feel completely overwhelmed and alone I don’t know where else to turn.
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31st March 2021 at 5:55 pm #124090
ISOPeace
ParticipantYou’ve chosen a good place to reach out 😊
Having read some of the other comments, I realise that even though I know your reactions are totally normal reactions to abuse, I don’t know anything about how to deal with trauma. I don’t want you to think that I think panic attacks and hyperventilating aren’t a big deal. I’m glad you’ve had advice from people who do know about it.
I also know that you are strong and you will get out. xxxxx
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31st March 2021 at 6:31 pm #124092
Busyditch
ParticipantI only feel positive vibes from every message here. It’s ok. X
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31st March 2021 at 10:32 am #124073
MeAgain
ParticipantSending you all my love and strength to get through this. I’m rooting for you, you’ve got this. Safe safe and keep us updated xx
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31st March 2021 at 3:08 pm #124084
Living Warrior
ParticipantI suffer with anxiety and panic attacks, which got extremely worse once i left.
i passed out at my childrens school, had anxiety attack in a supermarket when i didnt know which bread to buy… iv had lots of them over “silly” things. They are few now, and i can recognise my own “triggers”
my chest tightens, i feel hot and sweaty, but dont actually sweat. ive felt dizzy. felt like im being watched, like im not safe. my body shakes, my mouth goes dry. my eyes scan EVERYWHERE and flick over everything. i breathe faster..now all those things dont always happen, sometimes its one or two.. sometimes more…
but i found things to “ground” me..
when i notice it happening ( usually if im going somewhere iv never been, or somewhere i know he goes)
i use mints to ground me, i suck them and the minty flavour grounds my senses and helps me focus.
that is one that i still use now because its the one which helps me most.always make sure you are safe, if you know that you are safe yet you “feel” an anxiety attack for a silly reason try these..
taking slow/deep breaths focus on anything else… try reciting the alphabet in your head as you breathe.
if your mind is focussed on something else its harder to lose control.
in severe attacks i recited times tables (as its harder and takes more focus)have something in your pocket, a pebble or something to squeeze… think about how it feels.
tell yourself you are safe and this is normal.
be kind to yourself, if you are having a bad day, dont force yourself to do extra things.
but on those good days try to push yourself a little so you dont get scared of doing or going new things/places.these all helped me, aswell as listening to music. take your earbuds with you use one to listen to music.. dont wear two, as you wouldnt hear a danger.
also i found some of these guides helpful.
https://web.ntw.nhs.uk/selfhelp/#anxiety -
31st March 2021 at 6:05 pm #124091
Eggshells
ParticipantWe’re still here. Right with you. My Dr gave me beta blockers for panic attacks. I take them on an ad hoc basis when I need them. They might help in the short term
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31st March 2021 at 6:41 pm #124095
Busyditch
ParticipantNot long now….
But he is trying all kinds of tactics to either get me to stay or explain more about where I’m going.He is telling me I’m selfish (I can tell he is cross) because I won’t give any more info.
He has been saying he has (detail removed by moderator) for finding a place and going through with it.
He has even tried crying when I said (detail removed by moderator)
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31st March 2021 at 7:17 pm #124096
KIP.
ParticipantHe’s going to jump from emotion to emotion but this is a dangerous time for you because when he’s losing control is when they become violent. If you can get out sooner then please go. My ex went from being all amicable to terrorising me, crying to threatening, begging to aggression. Stay safe x
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31st March 2021 at 11:47 pm #124106
Busyditch
ParticipantThis is horrific!!!!! I’ve just had a tsunami of…. I don’t even know how to describe it. I’m supposed to leave tomorrow morning, he has just spent (detail removed by moderator) minutes (I recorded it 😩) just insulting me, our children, my family…. on and on and on to hurt me as much as he possibly could. How can anyone ever say such hurtful things. I really wanted this to be amicable but it’s just gone horribly wrong. I don’t know what to do. I can’t take any more (detail removed by moderator).
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31st March 2021 at 11:48 pm #124107
Busyditch
ParticipantPlease please please let this be over now.
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1st April 2021 at 12:15 am #124108
Hawthorn
ParticipantStay safe Busyditch, keep your phone on you and charged and dont hesitate to call 999 for the police if he’s threatening and frightening you. They can remove him and you can get to safety. Take the very best care and keep reaching out. You are not alone xx
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1st April 2021 at 12:19 am #124109
Busyditch
Participant(detail removed by moderator) to go 😩 just (detail removed by moderator) more hours!!!!!!!
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1st April 2021 at 12:20 am #124110
Busyditch
ParticipantAt least our children are not here… I’ve managed to divert our youngest to (detail removed by moderator) house.
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1st April 2021 at 12:54 am #124111
Busyditch
ParticipantI’m actually tempted to open the gin to get through the next (detail removed by moderator)HOURS LEFT!!!
He has at least gone quiet now, sat in front of the tv, hopefully he will fall asleep.
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1st April 2021 at 1:27 am #124112
Busyditch
ParticipantIt’s going to be a long night. 😭
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1st April 2021 at 2:30 am #124113
Busyditch
Participant(detail removed by moderator)to go. This is the saddest thing I’ve ever done!!! 🥲
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1st April 2021 at 2:59 am #124114
Busyditch
Participant(detail removed by moderator)… this is desperation at its finest. 🥺
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1st April 2021 at 4:51 am #124115
KIP.
ParticipantI’d ring the police because I don’t think he will let you leave safely x
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1st April 2021 at 4:53 am #124116
KIP.
ParticipantIt’s at this point I was assaulted. There is no amicable from an abuser. It’s all about control x
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1st April 2021 at 5:38 am #124117
Catjam
ParticipantBig hugs xx
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1st April 2021 at 6:02 am #124118
Empoweredhealing
ParticipantPlease stay safe. You are almost free! Rooting for you!!
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1st April 2021 at 7:10 am #124120
Busyditch
Participant(detail removed by moderator) to go and he (detail removed by moderator) left for work!!!!
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1st April 2021 at 7:31 am #124121
Sleepypigeon
ParticipantSending you hugs. I understand the way your feeling to. My body responded like this. Heart racing, head spinning panic attacks, I talked to my self, said I can do this, to calm myself down, also used empowering songs to try and turn the scared feeling into feeling powerful, it did help even if it sounds weird. We are all behind you. You can do this. Keep posting to let us know your safe xx
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1st April 2021 at 8:34 am #124124
Busyditch
ParticipantI’m safe. This is all so surreal.
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1st April 2021 at 8:38 am #124125
Lottieblue
ParticipantOh my Gosh FANTASTIC!!!
Look at how well you have done!!
You are truly amazing!
You called on the support of the wonderful women on here, because you knew they would carry you through and look! They were up all night for you!I can’t tell you how happy I am for you. May the rest of your life begin here.
💕💕💕💕💕
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1st April 2021 at 8:38 am #124126
Watersprite
ParticipantHello Busyditch – You CAN do this – I believe in you. Breathe out. Breathe In. Slow. Walk out the door into freedom and the healing journey. Then stay away. If he comes call the police. This is your time x*x
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1st April 2021 at 8:40 am #124127
Watersprite
ParticipantMy post crossed you did it ! Well done sooo brave so proud of you!!! Knew you could – u have come so far!!!x
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1st April 2021 at 8:48 am #124129
Busyditch
ParticipantI’m not out the door yet. But I’m actually clinging onto the forum as if my life depends on it.
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1st April 2021 at 8:52 am #124130
Lottieblue
ParticipantIs someone picking you up? X
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1st April 2021 at 9:18 am #124132
Eggshells
ParticipantYou’re so nearly there now. I’m glad he’s gone to work. Have you locked the doors and left the key in the lock to stop him getting back in – just in case?
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1st April 2021 at 10:49 am #124136
ISOPeace
ParticipantI’m so excited for you Busyditch! You are so strong. Look how far you’ve got despite how you’re feeling! You are truly inspirational.
Let us know you’re away and safe when you can. Sending lots of love xxxx
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1st April 2021 at 11:35 am #124141
Eggshells
ParticipantHoping that you’re safely out now. xx
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1st April 2021 at 7:50 pm #124154
Sleepypigeon
ParticipantBeen thinking of you today and hoping you are OK and safe xx
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1st April 2021 at 8:32 pm #124156
KIP.
ParticipantThinking of you. Let us know how you are x
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1st April 2021 at 10:17 pm #124160
Busyditch
ParticipantI’m ok. I’ll update you as soon as I can. It’s been the most traumatic day ever.
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1st April 2021 at 10:19 pm #124161
Watersprite
ParticipantBut you did it?? 🌻 x
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6th April 2021 at 9:04 am #124361
Living Warrior
Participantyour very welcome on taking the time to right my post earlier, i hope it helped. I hope you are still safe. well done to you!! my advice will be to still keep a log of EVERYTHING! you have done the hardest part, but he will still try to get you to change your mind and go back! (he feels atm he has lost his power) he will beg, plead, cry, threaten and do ANYTHING to get you to go back. but remember, he has NO POWER now! you are out and there are many ways to prove the problems and the behaviour and what type of man he is! no matter how hard things get, DONT go back 🙂 iv been there with kids and leaving, things go predominantly worse, he spiralled out of control, i had police and court orders. but i didnt back down, and i still agree its the best thing i have done, yes im still having issues, but i still wouldnt go back 🙂 every day he gets less and less hold over me, every minute we are away we get stronger!
you are a warrior!! never give up!! good luck on your journey.
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