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So I’ve been in an emotionally abusive marriage for some years. I tried ask for a divorce before we found out about the pregnancy.
Stupidly I thought that it was better to stay so our baby could have two parents and a happy upbringing. It’s got to the point now where things are just as bad as before, yet no one has ever believed what goes on except from my parents.
A large part of that is my fault because I thought I was being loyal by not telling people what was going on in our marriage at the start.
He normally goes to everyone he can and spins lies, or tells one side of the story. The police got called a few years ago (pre baby)- because of an argument I ended up on the floor injured and a neighbour overheard- yet I was the one who got arrested because of the things he said- all of which were absolute lies. But now that’s on my record.He makes me feel like I don’t exist, and like I’m the worst person in the world at the same time.
Recently I’m starting to doubt my own sanity and believe the things he says about me.All of that I could stomach… before our child came along. Now I have my baby to protect.
Which is why I asked for (stupid again) an amicable divorce where we sat down and worked things out so we wouldn’t have to end up in court. But now he is using our child like it’s a game to win.
He has made comments suggesting that he is going to go for custody of our child, he is researching into citizens advice, he is lying saying I am violent to him?! And that I drink multiple bottles of wine every night whilst I still am (detail removed by Moderator) our baby. These are all lies and I’m terrified of losing my baby. My baby is my life, I love him with every single part of my body, I spend every day with him and I would do anything to protect him.
He seems to get everyone to believe him, with the arrest (of course I wasn’t charged because I didn’t do anything he had said) and the lies he tells I’m so terrified of losing my baby and I don’t know what to do, I feel so alone.
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I really feel for you, this is so awful.
Give up on the idea of an amicable divorce (you can still behave in a dignified and decent way, and you never know, he may surprise you by doing the same, but don’t hold your breath.)
Assume that he loves to upset you, and he loves the conflict.One of the things that surprised me was how long I kept taking my abusers word as truth.
Afterwards I realised the truth was just there to be used to manipulate.
Instilling fear in you is his weapon.Maybe contact your local domestic violence team?…they will have seen a million times how an abuser will try and make themselves the victim. They won’t fall for it…just like none of us here will fall for it.
Sending you hugs 💕
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Oh lovely I can hear the worry in your words.
Think, what are his words making you do – make you think it’s better to stay so you don’t lose your son. It’s a tactic, a blooming mean one.
My ex played these games, tried to say I was a bad mum, accused me of hitting him or starting arguments, of drinking, of being mentally unstable etc etc and it’s abuse so of course it seeps in and you’re scared. What helped me was keeping a journal or secret notes. That also helped me see the patterns. If you can safely record any of the attacks or at least learn when to stop reacting and walk away, because one of their big tactics is reactive abuse. You explode after being poked and they go ‘see you are x,y,z’ but it’s all a game to them. Reach out to woman’s aid, give your local social services a call or seek some free legal advice. It’s hard when you’re living it but you soon learn that you’re actually the exact opposite of their nasty words and their rubbish words are actually about them (he’s the bad parent, the drunk etc).
Focus on getting out as that’s the best thing for you and your baby, but stay safe x
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This is exactly what he does!
As I’ve stopped engaging when he goes for me, he now keeps just walking out the house with our baby without telling me. He knows this will make me spiral and panic!I’m waiting on a call for legal advice, but this is all just becoming so nasty and soul destroying. I feel like he’s weaponising our baby and it’s killing me
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