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    • #144461
      Chocolatebunnie
      Participant

      He tells me I should stand up for my mum my dads abusive.

      I don’t, I can’t it’ll make it worse.

      He says his family would deal with it better.

      He says my dad is out of order.

      He is like my dad.

    • #144463
      gettingtired
      Participant

      I’ve got the same situation here. My Dad is toxic and abusive, unfortunately I opened up to ‘partner’ about this years ago so he knows the details. He now uses this against me and regularly points out how terrible my Dad is yet he’s exactly the same! Oh and he also likes to say I’m exactly the same as my Dad at times as well. Luckily my parents are no longer together so I don’t have to see my Dad much but partner still loves to remind me of how terrible he is and how I need to tell him so etc. xx

    • #144467
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Mine used to talk negatively about my parents, their weight, their jobs, their lifestyle/choice of free time, anything even down to the food they fed my kids. He’d try and boast about how much better he and his parents were – the alcoholic, abusive & haven’t supported their son or grandkids since separating haha. It’s just another tactic to act like they are better than anyone else and to get a response from us. As hard as it is, try not to bite.

    • #144473
      Chocolatebunnie
      Participant

      They are all similar then? It’s not nice you’ve experienced this too.

      Honestly I’ve had to bite my tongue!

      He’s been to his family and they wind him up and he takes it out on me, that we are lazy, messy and dis functional. Every time things get tough with our kids who have additional needs he gets at me for the house taking a back seat. I don’t like a mess but I only have one pair of hands.

      He was in a strange mood after seeing his family, and I wasn’t going to just leave it so I pushed for why. He said he was upset the house was messy and he hadn’t been able to tidy. This I felt was firstly a dig at me, secondly how it always starts and thirdly happens when he’s seen his family.

      So I reacted and said how I felt. He I was wrong, he should be allowed to speak his mind, said how dare I say that about his family.

      I’m obviously upset, he is acting like nothing happened and trying to make me laugh. I think it hasn’t escalated as much this time I’m sure he senses I’m waiting for another ‘bad’ moment to just end things.

      It leaves me upset, angry and shaken even though nothing much has happened it’s the past that’s still hurting me.

    • #144482
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Oh yes I’d have this, I hated it when we’d see his family as I knew it would cause him to react. I swear his parents enjoyed the whole thing. As you say, they’re probably making us feel how his parents make him feel, but that’s definitely no excuse for it. They’ll throw every possible topic at us to get a reaction, I found my parents, my kids, my parenting skills and cleanliness of the house were his main reasons but it could be anything – even if you’re house was spotless he’d just find another trigger.x

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