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I spent all day yesterday listening to how badly I treat him as I was home (detail removed by moderator) minutes later than I said I would be. He says he’s bottom of the pile and that I don’t care enough about him to come home on time. I had to sit and listen to him go on and on about all the terrible things I do to him. I’m not affection enough, I don’t give him sex when he wants etc etc.
Then he just goes quiet and doesn’t speak – but then accuses me of not speaking. He just wrecks my head – he gets me to the point where it think it all my fault (but I no really that it’s not)
He’s now crying saying he’s been awake all night and that he doesn’t have a life and that he may as well be dead!
I just don’t know what to say to him at this point. I feel like saying go on then (because I know he won’t). But unless I fuss over him (which I know is what he wants) then he’ll say I being cold.
Its exhausting and its another weekend where I am waiting till Monday and he’ll go away to work again.
Just want to walk away but don’t have anywhere to go!
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Hi moonflower1
Like you mines the victim.
Like you I couldn’t see a way out. I stayed decades lost, sad and as I felt no way out.
But if I had spoken about it I could have got out there are options talk to woman aide they will give you ideas on how to do it. Trouble is when your being constantly abused its hard to make a decision.
Be strong, it only gets worse never better with them. Sadly no light bulb moment and they see the errors of their ways.
The because in their eyes they di no wrong.
FS xx
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I can truly relate to this Moonflower1, my partner has recently been a bit ill and as usual, its my fault – apparently I’m killing hin and he’s lost lots of weight because of the stress i cause him. Oh and of course, i don’t care about him – he came up with this when I’d not washed the pots the other night (!) Apparently I’m not helping him in his time of need (I have to stress that I’d been at work all day and he’d been at home).
He’s always said its all my fault and i don’t care about him but this recent illness has just given him extra ammunition and it makes me angry,he loves it when he has an “excuse” to be horrible x*x -
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This sounds exactly the sort of stuff I was dealing with. You feel like your soul is being sucked right out of you. I ended up physically very unwell with so many respiratory infections I now have permanent lung damage, my doctor is sure it’s down to the severe stress of it all. Like you I used to try and keep him happy while he was around but then just became numb. Like you, I wasn’t affectionate enough, never gave him enough in any way. He would act out emotionally, when I started tiger away he threatened suicide, I removed my kids from the house, grabbed a bag and it seriously escalated. I wish I’d been more clever, had a better plan. When he got worse I didn’t know how to cope, homeless with three children and paying bills on a house we didn’t feel safe in. I was advised to go to the police. I hoped they’d warn him off but they charged him and a “communication error” meant he was bailed back to the house, this time even more angry. Tailgating me whilst on bail, while I had my little girl doing the school run. If you can, go to WA first, get the name of a solicitor they would recommend and take their advice. I tried to placate him and the more I did the more power he took. In the end I was granted an exclusion order and non molestation with power of arrest. But we went through months of hell to get there, sofa surfing around family. Get advice, and no it’s not right what he’s doing. Don’t get to the stage I am at now. I literally can’t see a shred of the old me there anymore. I was a independent, full time working single mum of three in a high pressure job. The thought of performing the most mundane daily tasks overwhelms me. I’m constantly anxious. Get out and be clever about it while you have the strength to do so. That’s what I wish someone told me a while back. I promise you it doesn’t get better. X*x
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Fs, you are so right. He literally cannot see that any of his bag vigour is unacceptable, even now. They also manage to convince others of that as well. I use this site to talk as I am extremely private about my situation in real life. But I am constantly hearing how distressed he is. It must have been living on his own in a five bed house, whilst I was paying all the bills and sofa surfing with three children that caused him such stress. You honestly could not make it up! X
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