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My husband has suffered with anxiety leading to massive control issues for years but refused to accept or admit it. Our kid has it too and they struggle with all sorts of things, like school. I found myself working hard to get our kid help, and professionals would ask about family life and I slowly realised they would never get better if their Dad was a role model. (detail removed by Moderator) I asked him to move out when he scared our kid with his behaviour and didn’t seem bothered about this. He had a breakdown (blooming typical!). Got help moved out (detail removed by Moderator) to temp accommodation, came home. Promises of getting better, now diagnosed (detail removed by Moderator).
Forward (detail removed by Moderator), I’ve asked him to leave again when he lost his temper (detail removed by Moderator). He’s been out (detail removed by Moderator) but keeps contacting me via text every day. (detail removed by Moderator) it was texts about wanting to escape his life, signing everything over to me, going away for a long time. Life not worth it with no family and no home.
He has fallen out with his immediate family. He has very few, if any, friends locally. He apologised saying he’s got noone else to talk to. I see that it is manipulative…. I also don’t want to be responsible for his mental health and what if something happens and he does something stupid?? We have 2 kids together, they don’t deserve that! I am trying to grey rock but it’s not easy when you feel responsible…. Help!?
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I asked my alcoholic husband to leave (detail removed by Moderator) ago. Got many texts etc threatening suicide, also contacted mutual friends saying the same. Even got sectioned once. Hes definitely manipulating, and even told police that. He has pushed friends away and declined help. I’ve now blocked him.Its hard but I cannot be responsible for him . Hes made choices and now I’m making mine
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My ex too threatened suicide. I wouldn’t want to live without you. It’s manipulation and even if it’s not you’re not a qualified professional and able to deal with It. If you’re concerned ring 999 and send an ambulance round to him. I bet hEs not suicidal when they want to take him away and section him. I suffered from chronic anxiety and depression and I was never abusive. Get a spare phone just for him and leave it switched off until you need to talk to him. Limit contact with the children too. Even when I was raped and assaulted by my sons father I put on a front with my child and hid my utter inner despair and devastation. That’s what we do as parents while my ex made out to our son he was all depressed painting himself as a victim. Even rang our son when he was arrested. Distance yourself and stay Safe. This is the most dangerous time for women when they end a relationship so don’t underestimate him x
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Hi hun,
firstly i totally understand your situation this was me last year! i had left him at (detail removed by Moderator), and he was doing everything to try and get me and our children to go back to him. i have children with special needs and anxiety and similarly to you, i was made aware that if dad was depressed etc and not getting help, the children wouldnt get better with their anxiety and self esteem either, hence why i left. i put the children first as he was a fully grown man, and was given chances to get help and have me supporting him. He just seemed to revel in his own misery and make everything about him constantly. eventually enough was enough!
he started parking up across the road from my house watching us nightly, for hours at a time, he sent countless suicidal messages. i called the police as i was instructed to by a womens aid case worker, and logged every incident and message to build up a “file” of evidence. i have a non molestation order in place to stop the harrassment and stalking and he basically now he isnt able to contact me at all. we are awaiting word of contact as i stopped that due to his using child contact to continue the abuse. (detail removed by Moderator) my only regret is that i didnt cut contact sooner- as cafcass are now questioning why his “mental health” is an issue now when it wasnt then… my response being he moved in with his parents and was never alone with the kids.I spent years trying to get him help for the sake of the kids, but honestly, my view now is that my kids dont need a dad who doesnt put them first! He was told by pediatricians that him getting help would help our boys and yet he STILL refused and continued to subject the boys to his depression and mood swings.
i also agree with KIP keep a seperate phone just for him- this stops the constant c**p, keep logs of all contact…take screen shots, report to police, even if its non an emergency you can go online and report incidents stating this is a log of stalking and harrassment. Have a look at the freedom programme and the power to change programme through womens aid, i know the go-to meetings are on hold due to covid but you can get the info online, this gives you a better understanding of how these men work, good luck hun. you can do this! -
Thanks senmummy and kip.
It’s been weird (detail removed by Moderator) as he’s not messaged once which after a barrage of emotional text is hard to deal with. Eventually I messaged him as it was playing on my mind what state he’d be in, it’s hard to break off from him!! Also because of Covid19 he’s (detail removed by Moderator), and can’t take the kids there so (detail removed by moderator) he picks them up fas I’m at work and takes them back to our house which is also getting hard.
I can feel myself making sure it looks good so he doesn’t think I’m not coping, combined with s desire to look nice so I look like I’m coping but not too nice or he’ll get all soppy.
Senmummy it feels hard as I feel like some men are just abusive but he’s using his mental health as an excuse. Also he keeps saying he’s not an abuser and he’s ill.
I’m taking care. We (detail removed by Moderator) and running that is pretty hard! I’m just so tired of it all.
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Hey chasingrainbows you have shown such bravery. You told me you can do this and SO CAN YOU! MH is hard but he is not your responsibility he is his own. His MH difficulties is no excuse to abuse you and you acted because you are protecting your child. He hits pets and frightens his family HE does it. He is NOT your responsibility and we can only save ourselves x . Focus any scrap of energy on you and your children as you step gradually into a brighter future.🌈
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