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    • #17285
      Starmoon
      Participant

      Things are worse!! He Told me he’d take me on a date, we seemed to be having a lovely time…Talking, understanding. Then I went to the toilet, met a girl id gone to school with in there and we chatted and showed baby photos. I was in there no more than 10 minutes. When I came out and sat down, he stormed off, told me I was taking him for a mug. I followed to see where he’d gone and found him, he was shouting all sorts about me screwing him over… I don’t even remember what he said after that. I just know it made no sense. He went to walk away and I grabbed his jacket to stop him.. He turned around and spat in my face.
      I don’t know why… But I can’t remember any of the things he was saying.. I just know I’d done nothing wrong. I was trying to get him to stop, listen and calm down so much that I literally couldn’t breath any more and I fell over because I lost my breth so much… It was horrible. I don’t know what to think today. Other than I am ultimately the most pathetic person on the planet

    • #17288
      myfairyqueen
      Participant

      All of that behaviour is normal for an abuser. You have done nothing wrong apart from try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He lost control of you as you met a friend and that probably triggered him to go crazy. I see from before that you have tried to go no contact, I know it’s hard but you need to get yourself somewhere away where he can’t get to you as that will help you make that break. I had to go into hiding for months to do it but it is so liberating. In the end, he sent me so many messages and so many other things, I had to get him arrested for harassment. Even that step took me ages but now he can’t contact me. It’s a long process which is like grieving but you can do it!

    • #17292
      KIP.
      Participant

      Starmoon you are not pathetic. However this has been a very painful lesson for you (I had a couple of those). He is showing you his true self. He has zero respect for you. There is no accountability in his eyes as you keep giving him another chance. Pick yourself up, start no contact again from this very minute. Take back control, I always remember reading that an abuser just wants to get close enough to slap us again. He would have got a massive kick out of treating you that way and seeing how distressed you were. Do you really want someone like that in your life x make today the first day of no contact. You will get there in the end. You deserve better❤️

    • #17301
      Starmoon
      Participant

      It’s so sick that he enjoyed seeing me that way!
      I never ever understand why I let him do it to me. I’ve heard the classic lines when he’s been aggressive.. Like ‘you push my buttons’ or ‘you prod me with a stick’ then he blows up. He sat there this morning telling me that he knows he was wrong….. Sometimes he sells his side so well that I totally believe my perception was wrong. The self doubt is almost at the peak it was last year when I had a brake down. I don’t read posts of anyone being as pathetic as me. He doesn’t beat me.. At last not in the sense that he’s caused injuries to me. He hasn’t raped me. He doesn’t hold me hostage…. So why can’t I walk away

    • #17302
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Hi starmoon,
      I did those stuff too, I always run back to him, hoping he will feel sorry and comfort me for what he did but at the end he just playing with my mind. Before I started no contact we had sex when he knows it’s out of nothing. Next day he desapair still told me lies. It is so hard to pick up our self when it’s happen. Try no contact (I started it when I discover this forum) it is extremely hard at the beginning and it is still hard atm but it’s made huge difference in my life.

      Hugs
      MP

    • #17307
      KIP.
      Participant

      Starmoon, it’s trauma bonding and terrible mind games. He plays on your weaknesses. He knows how to play you. You will never win at these games because there are no rules. He has no boundaries. That’s why no contact is so important. No contact means no head games. Your confidence is rock bottom because of his abuse. It’s hard to make a stand when you feel so low. These random acts of violence (that’s what spitting in someone’s face is, it’s a criminal offence) they leave us anxious, wondering when the next one will come, walking on eggshells trying to avoid or counter the next assault. That’s how the break downs happen. It’s too hard for us to live in this heightened state. And if he hadn’t blown up because you were too long away, it would have been something else. Some other invented slight that he could use as an excuse to abuse you. It’s random outbursts designed to mentally cripple you. Don’t go back for more x

    • #17317
      myfairyqueen
      Participant

      Please read some things and you will start to be able to understand. Living with the dominator by Pat Craven was one of the biggest turning points for me and posts like this: https://inhindsiteramblings.com/2016/03/24/the-more-i-read-the-less-i-know/

    • #17401
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi Hun

      Please go no contact, u will feel so much stronger, this man is going to always pull u bk in then throw u bk, his actions and behaviours are disgusting , dont waste your energy on him, why love some one thats shows zero respect. I used to ask myself that eveytime i was tempted to give him a chance

    • #17418
      undertherainbow
      Participant

      Starmoon, please get away from him. You’re not pathetic but please get away from him. You need to before it escalates even more. Remember the statistics.

      My ex would spit at me too and in all honesty I would’ve preferred a b****y punch in the face (if there was a choice). Spitting is degrading and horrible and completely disrespectful.

      Don’t be too hard on yourself, most of us have gone back at one point. Hell, I’d still be there if the police hadn’t got involved. Please keep safe though Starmoon.

      xx

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