He told me to leave so I did

[Startingpoint123]

We just moved into a new place together. It was abit stressful at times but we had a nice few days. He made me feel so special a few days ago and was so romantic for me and then today we had an argument about something ridiculous and he told me to get out so I packed all my things and left. Now he says he didn’t mean it and that he only meant to leave for a bit not actually leave the relationship. It sounds silly but it has such a physical effect on me I am in bed, haven’t ate or drank all day and I keep shaking. I keep thinking should I just go back? I know it’s for the best that I don’t but I know if I do it will ease these horrible withdrawal feelings I’m feeling

[Hawthorn]

I wish I had done what you did the first time my abuser told me to get out and f**k off home. By the end I barely even heard it, it just washed over me like the rest of the verbal abuse. When I stopped reacting to that he became violent.

You are so brave. It’s so difficult to leave and you did it! Try to hold onto that clarity you felt as you packed your stuff and got out of there. That was your spirit, your intuition, that told you getting out was the right thing to do. If you go back all your abuser will learn is that will accept that behaviour from him, and even if he throws you out or you leave he can manipulate you into going back. Breaking the trauma bond I’d painful and difficult, like going cold turkey for a drug addiction. It’s the same chemical pathways in the brain. So it’s not silly that you’re having physical symptoms. Trauma is stored in the body and your body is currently releasing and processing that trauma.

You are so strong and brave and this feeling of wanting to go back will pass. Give yourself time and be very kind to yourself. Keep reaching out for support and go no contact with your abuser. Every contact with him is like waving a bottle of whiskey under the nose of a recovering alcoholic, be kind to yourself and dont put yourself through it. Every contact with him gives him the opportunity to manipulate you. You say you know it’s for the best to stay away and you are right, stick with your gut, it wont steer you wrong.

Sending strength and a big hug xx

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