This topic contains 13 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 1 week, 1 day ago.

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  • #87542
     Minimrs 
    Participant

    So he said  he had to sleep in his car because he had no where to go (even though my parents said he could stay there and have a meal.) Which is good of them after what he has done to me and they are really angry at him. He said he hadn’t eaten (detail removed by moderator)even though I gave him £20 because he had nothing. He came back today saying he doesn’t have to stay away and he has a right to stay here as joint tenant and he paid the rent. He said he wanted me to go and stay down my mom’s one day next week so he can wake up with the kids. He then started to say he wanted to stay on the sofa tonight because he has no where else to sleep. He has he can go down my parents house he was trying to make me feel sorry for him. He said he was scared last night. And he had to have a wash in public toilets this morning. What can I do he makes me feel guilty. He also told my son he doesn’t love me no more and he is going to spoil them when he gets paid.

  • #87545
     KIP. 
    Participant

    He is not your responsibility. He’s playing manipulating mind games and they will continue and they will get worse. You need to prioritise you and the children. These men are liars. He will say whatever he thinks will get him back in the home where he can continue his abuse. He can see the kids at your parents house on certain days. I think you’re going to need some legal advice about his seeing the children. This is when they pretend to be father of the year. It’s a huge act and soon he will try to discredit you and turn the children against you. You need your own home free from him at all times. If you don’t act to have him removed he will simply move back in and force you out. He’s already lied about taking his name off the tenancy. He’s a grown man capable of taking care of himself. Don’t fall for,his guilt tripping manipulation.

  • #87548
     IWillBeHappy 
    Participant

    I agree. He is a grown person. He is just trying to manipulate you and break you back down bit by bit till he gets the control he wants. Be strong and firm. Involve the police if you need to. You have every right to keep your home only for you and the children.

    My ex you used to go to my family members for help and it is just another way of them getting to you.

    You can do this, we’re here x

  • #87557
     Minimrs 
    Participant

    I’m waiting to seek any legal advice from legal aid. He told me to night he would take me back anytime. He said he had no where to go that he had to sleep In his car . IV still told him to go but I think IV given him hope by saying that I would think about things. He has a way of talking me around.

  • #87560
     SeekingPeace 
    Participant

    I agree with what the others have posted. My husband also has a way of talking me round and violating boundaries. We’ve been living separately for over a year yet he still had managed to persuade me to stay over on the sofa recently. They are highly manipulative. Don’t allow him to cause you to feel guilty. He is a grown man who need to take responsibility for himself.
    I’ve decided I’m no longer letting my husband talk me round with this sort of thing but I’ve had to keep a journal to remind myself it is all about manipulation and not respecting my boundaries.

  • #87568
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Time and time again he wore me down and manipulated his way back in and time and time again the abuse got worse. If you don’t have contact, he can’t manipulate. Arrange a time/date for him to see the kids at your parents and then there’s no need for him to contact you, you can tell him all contact has to be done via your parents. You need to take charge. Keeping a journal is a great idea. Write down all the abusive episodes and how they made you feel. Your children need to know that abuse is not normal or acceptable in a relationship and that it won’t be tolerated.

  • #87572
     Landy 
    Participant

    My ex used to do this all the time. I took him back over and over and nothing changed. Now he’s in prison, so he has a place to stay….

    The local council are legally obliged to house him,so tell him to go there. He may only get a bedsit or a place in a shelter, but that’s not your problem.

  • #87576
     Minimrs 
    Participant

    Would he get worse do you think if I let him back home.

  • #87578
     KIP. 
    Participant

    He would definitely get worse if you let him back home. He would punish you for this episode and you won’t see it coming. How many times has he hurt you and your children and how many times have you forgiven him? How many promises has he broken? At least a couple since you started posting on here. He’s a liar and an abusers. Google Gaslighting. He’s pathological liar. He had a place to stay but ignored that. Make up his own reality where he’s homeless just to get back in the home. He says he hasn’t eaten, to make you feel guilty yet he has money in his pocket for food. They twist the truth and will continue to do so. I don’t know what age your children are but social service expect you to protect your children from abuse. Even if it is from their own father x no contact = no mind games x

  • #87597
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    this was the ending for me sleeping in the car in car parks – coming to the door in the middle off the night crying thru the letter box xx he tried to get in by climbing the drain pipes!i was too scared to go to the police. it turned out he was sleeping in another womans bed when he said he was in a car park! he tried it all sent pics off him standing outside the local psychiatric unit! honestly the martyr type off abuser xx please ignore this it is all manipulation to get what they want – do what you have to do with the main thing in mind the safety off you and your kids – spare yourself as i am traumatised by this part off my journey xx i can almost laugh now but at the time god i was in sheer panic dealing with him xx

  • #87629
     Minimrs 
    Participant

    Well he is back. But sleeping on the sofa. He is being ok with me at the moment. I don’t know how he talked his was back. He was saying yesterday that he had an appointment with a divorce lawyer today and he wanted me to tell him if that’s what I really wanted. I said no I want the old us back I told him I missed us. So now we said we could try and work on it as friends.

  • #87630
     Minimrs 
    Participant

    It has got me thinking was is actually emotional abuse. I’m confused and tiered. I just want my family back really. The kids are getting councling from school so hopefully they will be able to talk about what’s happening and feel a little better in time.

  • #87655
     FreeAgain 
    Participant

    It’s so hard Minimrs isn’t it?

    My ex is a martyr type as well – saying because I want my share of our marital home’s equity I will make him homeless and he can’t afford the bills on his own so he doesn’t sop for food! Then in the next breath asks me if I would meet him at the pub for a drink and chat….but he’s skint…?

    I told a mutual friend who messaged me last night that we’d split up (we haven’t broadcast it much) and my ex got all upset and said I’d been trashing him all over social media – which I haven’t.

    I haven’t heard from him at all today which is unusual, and I am worrying he’s done something silly to harm himself!! Master manipulator but we fall for it every time.

    Hope you work things out, please be careful x

  • #87658
     KIP. 
    Participant

    He has manipulated his way back in with emotional abuse and it’s going to get worse. Be careful social service don’t intervene to protect your children. They may see you as exposing your children to further harm and abuse. These men don’t care about anyone but themselves. It’s going to be much harder to get him out now as he will be very careful. You’ll need police intervention to get him out again. Please be careful. You’re extremely vulnerable to his lies at the moment. Think about the lies he has told you in the last few days alone x

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