2nd September 2020 at 10:02 pm #113072
Following on from my previous thread –
So things have come to head and I have ended things (detail remove by moderator) times so far as he just wont accept it. He has moved back to his parents a (detail removed by moderator) ago. His behavior is becoming more obsessive, anyone and everyone has told him to not contact me aand give me space which he just thinks is impossoble. The lovebombing of constant messages has calmed down but the questions are driving me insane – do you miss me? Have your feelings changed yet? I am changing is there any more percentage of your mind changing? Are you definately done? He also says i cant see how my feelings have just turned off overnight. He is also still questioning if i have any other men im schatting to, seeing. I can think of nothing worse atm i am broken. He is also asking if i have told my friends (detail removed by moderator) its so draining. (detail removed by moderator) got quite upset last week with the constabt question of how is mummy what is mummy doing. Not really sure what im asking i just feel drained i cant continue to tell him im done as the heartbreak will just start all over again from him
2nd September 2020 at 11:04 pm #113077LozzyXParticipant
Hi confused and anxious
I have just read your previous post and current situation . It sounds certainly that he is rather self absorbed , very much like my H …he had debt problems , goes into strops if everything isn’t his way , suicidal threats , lies , manipulation and then when I left him and nearly reached freedom…the obsessive messaging etc coupled with acting like what I thought was the old nice him and being perfectly reasonable etc …so slowly I got sucked back in … Reading your post has reminded me a bit more about how he managed to reel me back in
So I totai really feel for you it’s horrible and all consuming isn’t it ..trying to end it even though it’s what’s right for us , we are so brainwashed perhaps by childhood , to please others , and keep them.happy …at why stage do we say enough is enough , what about me ? Even just typing that last sentence my own brain has sneered at me saying look not selfish I sound !
You have been at this point 3 times now ..so you know the pattern , and he does too…he will.keep.using these tactics for now, because they work ..but stay strong this time , you have given him more than enough chances to change his behaviour and it seems he doesn’t want to , his needs will always be be more important than yours or anyone elses even if it’s detrimental.
Some.my disagree with me here but I found it useful also to read up on narcissitic personality disorder…I am pretty sure that is what my husband has and it has helped me to understand his behaviour and accept that he will never change …oh there will be temporary changes of course , but purely to get why they want and once achieved they drop the facade and go back to their selfish ways , and once again we are miserable ..the cycle continues
2nd September 2020 at 11:15 pm #113081
Thank you for your reply,
Yes it is certainly not making things easy the (detail removed by moderator) times i have told him has been in the last (detail removed by moderator) yet im still questioned to has some miracle happened and in his words won me back!
I do get comfort in the fact I have now opened up to people as to why I have got to breaking point.
Sending you strength x*x
2nd September 2020 at 11:10 pm #113080LozzyXParticipant
As hard as it is , try to go no contact with him…if need to be in contact over any children see if a third party can support with this . Do not share any news with him good or bad, nothing , give him no emotions to feed off .. be prepared for more strops when you cut contact …your cold, calculated , blah blah …ignore it ..he will want to get a rise from you, just any sign he still has control … Don’t give it him., Stay strong , don’t look back… your doing so well.
3rd September 2020 at 11:09 am #113106
I am really trying with the no contact but he makes it tough as he will ask (detail removed by moderator) to pass the phone t to me
16th December 2020 at 7:53 pm #117912[email protected]Participant
Hi, I was wondering how you are doing?
I am in EXACTLY the same boat as you with the constant hounding, questions, guilt trips, begging, pleading, anger, accusations, wanting specific examples to justify why I want to leave but sadly I’m doing this in lockdown, both working from home, have a small child and living under the same roof.
Desperately trying to get out but as you can imagine there is very little on the market right now to rent and I have no family near me.
I feel like I am fighting an impossible fight and it’s pushing me to my very limit. Most days I think I’m going to have some kind of mental breakdown, it’s just totally relentless!
I’m sick of this life and I just want to be able to breathe x
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