He won’t leave, joint mortgage.

[MiniNoodle]

Hi,

I left my ex this year and he didn’t take it well. Unfortunately we’re all still living together, my (detail removed by Moderator) children, ex and I. We have a joint mortgage together with a fairly substantial equity.

When I left him, he wanted me to take the kids ((detail removed by Moderator)) and leave him the house. I wasn’t happy with that so he said that I can stay and save for a mortgage of my own, or leave with nothing. That he wasn’t selling the house, he wouldn’t buy me out and I wasn’t buying him out.

I’m the breadwinner financially and our mortgage advisor said he can’t afford to buy me out, I would need to buy him out or we’d need to sell. But no. He won’t do anything. He just wants us to stay put like this, separated but in the same house which I just don’t understand!!

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to stay here anymore. But I feel trapped.

If it was just me I’d just leave, but with the children it’s so much harder. They have high needs and (detail removed by Moderator) so losing their home would be difficult, but equally I don’t have the energy to fight him.

I know I can go to court but I feel like I’m being overdramatic doing that. It feels too much.

I don’t know whether to just leave with nothing and start over.

Has anyone got any advice? Done something similar? Found a way out?

[Lifebegins]

Hi @MiniNoodle

I feel for you. My circumstances were different but there are some similar aspects, better paying job than ex, caring responsibilities for kids with additional needs and me able to buy him out.

I don’t think walking away with nothing is really an option for you. You will still be tied to your ex via the joint mortgage and he can still abuse you by not paying it, refusing to sign new mortgage deals so sky high interest, etc which could severely negatively impact your credit and financial stability which you need to have if you are primary carer for your kids.

(detail removed by Moderator)

(detail removed by Moderator). I’ve finally bought him out despite his best efforts to force house sale to force me out of the family home (another post separation abuse tactic). It is the best feeling!!! He got more than he morally should but I got my freedom. There is no price that can be put on that.

You can do this and you don’t need to walk away with nothing. You just have to find your way. Sending you a virtual hug xx

[Watershipdown]

Hi

I feel your pain I am in a similar situation but he is wanting to buy me out, which Im ok with, if I could afford the house on my own I would stay but to be honest being in this house is triggering and i would rather have a fresh start.

I would get some legal advice, quite a few solicitors offer 1 hour free advice so I have been contacting different law firms getting them to answer specific questions – I would do that first to save abit of money and just get some advice on what to do, they can get him removed from the house if need be

Take care you can do this

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