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    • #15727
      constantlyonedge123
      Participant

      Hiya everyone im new here and really really need some advice…. i was with my ex partner for (detail removed by Moderator) years to cut a long story short he is a heroin addict and an alcoholic ( i didnt know about the heroin) he abused me mentally for a long time took mine and my childrens money, smashed things disappeared for weeks on end wit no word so i thought he would be dead. (detail removed by Moderator) i ended it as i had found needles under our bed!! he was later arrested for thretening to kill me and to break into out home middle of the night and spent(detail removed by Moderator) months in prison because of this. i stupidly took him back thinking he would change but he didnt so i decided to leave my home with my children and go stay with my mum for a while.he would not leave me alone constant phone calls abuse down the phone knocks on windows middle of the night screaming down the street! (detail removed by Moderator) i was getting the children ready for school we heard massive bangs on front door so we hid but he saw us he came round to the back i told the children to go upstairs he broke the door let himself in had blood down his arms from a recent fix! told me i had done it to him for leaving him he smashed a huge garden plant pot into the windows stole champagne of my mums and damaged her kitchen floor tiles. he was arrested for criminal damage and harrassment but still got let off but i did put a restraining order in place in the hope it would work. i was wrong … well stupid. he contacted me via a friend of his and because of my fear i stayed in that contact in the hope it would keep him at bay and not scare me my children or mum again. this has now gone on since (detail removed by Moderator) !! i am no longer at my mums but he doesnt know that i have changed my car too i also have a new phone and number which he has no idea about but keep my old one on for him my fear is that if i break contact he will go kick off at mums again and i want to protect her from him. it sounds so silly as i write it down ! i need him out of my life for good ! he even agrees with me that we are not together but he says he wont let me go ever and that ” im f***** “! i hate him so much and i wish i had never ever met him it has been nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years of hell and i need my life back ! what can i do ? im scared that ill get in trouble with the restraining order because i have accepted the contact over fear and protection for my mum. im so sorry for the long winded essay but any advice would be great

    • #15733
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      Can’t stress enough….get a specialist solicitor. Does the restraining order carry a power of arrest? Contact your local Womans aid and ask for solicitor recommendation. You can’t undo whatever mistakes have been made but you need to get him out of your life and that’s the only way. Get an interdict with a power of arrest then go no contact….any kicking off and he will be arrested.
      I tried to placate my ex to keep him on an even Kiel and reasonable. You can’t, trust me, the law can, eventually but u need a solicitor that knows what they are doing.

    • #15735
      constantlyonedge123
      Participant

      hiya
      thanks for the reply, no the restraining order only states not to contact me or to be on my mums road. ill get onto womans aid in the morning thankyou so much! i need him gone for good so will be doing what you suggested! thankyou again x

      • #15966
        Lisa
        Main Moderator

        Hi constantlyonedge123,

        Welcome to the Forum! I’m pleased you found us so I hope you find it a safe and supportive place. I am sorry to hear you have been through such an horrific time because of your ex-partner. Did you manage to contact Women’s Aid at all? You can find details of your local group here- http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ or you can contact the 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. Well done for reaching out for support, you and your children should be able to live without fear.

        Keep posting to us when you can.

        Best wishes,

        Lisa

    • #15738
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      Not at all. Been there and wish I’d done what I did a lot sooner and cut through all the rubbish. The power of arrest is the crucial thing. Also Womans aid will assist you with an advocate so u don’t need to go to solicitor alone. It helped me as normally I’m reasonably articulate but she helped me remember the points I wanted to get across. X

    • #15739
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      It’s fear of consequences that made u allow contact. That’s what you need to be clear about. Restraining orders are no use without a power of arrest in my experience. X

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