- This topic has 11 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 3 months ago by
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Some advice.
Don’t go to the police.
Don’t report him.
Keep your head down and mouth shut.A year on and my life is worse. The police have let him get away with rape and assaults and false allegations which has destroyed my life. I honestly wished I kept my mouth shut. He has ruined me.
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You have reported him which took guts. Just because there is not enough evidence for a charge does not mean you were not believed. Your statements may help other victims and you held him accountable. I bet he didn’t ever think you would do that. You have made a huge step and done everything possible. Hold your head high. You won’t always feel this way x
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I had to call 999 then tell the police everything. There is so much evidence and he has denied and lied about everything. Even after getting away from him he has wrecked my life and (removed by moderator) on i’m still suffering. I do not understand the police. They say it’s important to report these things yet nothing ever happens.
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My ex got convicted, but I’m not sure I’d say it was worth it. My experience has just made me understand exactly how women get killed by their partners. I came out of my situation with a caution for assaulting him. To this day I consider that all I did was defend myself but the police chose to believe him that nighr, although I was the one who ran out of the house (removed by moderator) and call them and for that I will never forgive them.
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It’s so wrong!
He threatened to kill me so I ran out of the building and called the police. I had bruises. I had to call the police twice before because he got violent and when I finally got free of him the police did nothing to protect me. I’ve had to go through a humiliating digital strip search and I still don’t have my phone back or any updates. Looking back I wish he would of killed me.
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I hope that in time, you’ll feel better. I’m still very up and down, but I don’t regret getti g out at all.
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So sorry to hear this. Be angry and use it to motivate you to take action. It’s all so unfair. Even though we all use computers, the written word is more important than ever in records.Records are everything. If someone else complains about him, your complaint should be on there. Also, use complaints systems if you need to, in written form, to put your case. Put your reports of violence in writing. Ask to see your file! You have the right!
I read a horrifying statistic last week, 15 times more women are killed by male partners than any citizens through terrorism. You are not alone. X
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I felt the same way after the police closed my case, and still do most of the time to be honest. Two different police officers repeatedly called me trying to get me to report my Husband to the police. I told them I didn’t want to as there wasn’t enough evidence but they managed to convince me to do it anyway, only for them to close the case due to lack of evidence. It felt like they got my hopes up that they would help me then I ended up feeling even worse than I did before I spoke to them. All it did was make getting a divorce even harder because it made him angry. I now feel like calling the police isn’t an option if anything happens again because it won’t make any difference x
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The last time my ex got arrested, I didn’t call the police: someone else did. Because the previous time I called, he made a lot of false allegations and I ended getting arrested and cautioned, I was too scared in case I got convicted and lost my job. I felt utterly trapped and unsupported and I have to say, what helped me was having female officers involved. They seemed to give my story a lot more time and respect than many of their male colleagues.
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I am so sorry you have had to go through this, you know the truth and you know what happened. There is a long way to go with the police procedures and their understanding of domestic abuse. There is a Maya Angelou quote which says ” Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly. Without claiming it, she stands up for all women. I found these words a comfort and gave me strength to keep speaking with dignity when the current laws and police attitudes often do not support women. xx
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I do understand how you feel. I’ve thought that lots of times. I always feel like I deserve my life now because I told people what he did.
The police accepted his claim we were having fun sex games. I don’t think they wanted to believe the hell I had been living in.
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It’s not Right and it’s not fair…how can the police get away with it. No wonder so many people die from being in abusive relationships.
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