Head in a total spin :,(

[Starmoon]

I don’t know what to do any more. I will never be strong enough to walk away and the worse part is that I never want to. I accept my fate, that for the rest of my breathing days I’m going to love him and feel I can’t live without him.
I’ve realized so much about myself in the last few months- I’ve recognized the detrimental flaws to my personality that I didn’t see before. In the past situations or arguments would arise and I’d be so confused. Now I can see why things happen. I often make assumptions that are wrong and this offends people I suppose but now I see it, I can stop myself making the assumptions but I have set backs like everyone does. On (date removed by moderator) I had friends over and got drunk, I’m pretty sure I was mad at him because he went back to his mums. What’s the issue with me having mates over?! We weren’t causing any harm at all. As soon as he arrived they were wrapping it up to leave. But once I’d seen his tooth brush in hand I knew he was off. He’s living back at his mums at the moment anyway but he’d been saying he wanted to move back in. He said he was going home so there was no pressure on me.. But I hadn’t felt there would be anyway and what would he have done if he lived here. I could be wrong… I’m not supposed to make assumptions but I couldn’t see how it could be any other way. Once he’d gone I sent a tirade of abuse to him about him always walking out… I wouldn’t normally get angry but I suppose the drink made me feel brave. Then I’ve spent the last few days groveling and saying sorry for it because apparently my assumption was wrong and I was a nob for how I spoke to him. But as punishment he’s spent  days avoiding me and biting my head of when I try to talk to him about anything. It’s all sent my head spinning again. I feel I’m on egg shells because everything I say to him is wrong but I can’t act normally around him because I’m still annoyed at him too.
(detail removed by moderator)He makes me feel I’m going mad, his facial expressions and tone of voice said it all but then I’m wrong to question it. And from there I literally can’t speak because everything I said to him he said was wrong and I got to the stage of saying nothing. Then I was sending a text to a friend, she was asking me to go out for drinks later, I didn’t dare ask him to baby sit and I didn’t want to ask my mum so I replied saying no. He asked me and what I was saying and I told him. Then he goes on to say that if I want to go out at weekends it’s fine as long as I give him notice. I said I didn’t want to go out anyway but often my friends don’t make plans until the day. I thought I was making general conversation but then he flipped his lid (detail removed by moderator). To which I know I’m in a lose lose situation and clutching at straws i start thinking I’ll go to his parents and see if they can talk some sense into him. (detail removed by moderator)
They did let me in but then he arrives and goes mad at me for getting them involved. I told him I’d stuck to what he said and I wasn’t going to involve them- he did that by telling them not to let me in. So of course he’s dumped me by this point and I spend the next two hours telling him I don’t deserve this. He tells me I need to change and stop making assumptions but it’s impossible not to when this is what he does. We’ve started counseling and I’m actually really enjoying it. (detail removed by moderator) the guy is brilliant. The problem is, that we haven’t got another one for another few weeks so I have to bite my tongue and sit back listening to him telling me this is all my fault until then :,(

[Confused123]

huN

yoUR JUST TIRED AND DRAIN, U DONT NEED TO TAKE THIS TREATMENT O FHIM, SOMETIMES WE ARE SO ANGRY AT THEM WE REACT BADLY JUST TO THEM AND WE THINK WE ARE LIKE THAT WITH EVERYONE. PLEASE CALL THE WOMENS ADI LINE AND SPEAK TO SOME ONE, GET A COUSNELLR FOR HOW U FEEL , THIS ISNT YOUR FATE, WE JUST NEED A LOT OF SUPPORRT N*D ENCORAGEMENT . REALTIONSHIP WORK ON MUTAL RESPECT, IF ONE PARTNER IS NOT SHOWING IT, IT WILL NEVER WORK HUN

[Starmoon]

Also when I eventually left to come home, he made it abundantly clear that he needed yet more space from me and didn’t want to be around me. He also said if I do want to go out and ask my mum to have the kids then it’s fine (oh thanks). So I kinda decided I needed to go out. I ask another friend what he’s up to he tells me him and another friend are going out and I can come if I like. Turns out my mum can’t baby sit so I’ll be sat in while he goes out.. Because what he wants to do comes before what I want. I don’t care that he’s out. I’m past caring! And actually I’m glad to be home with the kids. My body would have a shock if it actually left the house without the children. I mean hell its been over a year since I did it anyway!!
But then he calls and asks me if I’m going out. Again I try to make normal conversation and say I was tempted to but mum can’t have the kids. But what he’s found a problem with no is that I was half tempted to go out for a drink with my best friend who was going to bring another male friend along that my other half has never met. That couldn’t be further away from cheating unless it was in Australia so what on earth I’ve done wrong now I don’t know. I can’t even go out anyway

[Serenity]

Have you looked at the types of abuser outlined by Lundy? This may help you recognise what in his behaviour is abusive.

Look up The Water Torturer x*x

[Starmoon]

Thanks for your replies. I’ve been here so many times before. I’ve even got a couple of books. I have been able to relate to the Lundy stuff in the past. I’ve probably looked up water tourturer too… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Even when I feel he’s being totally out of order and I genuinely don’t deserve it. I still reserve telling him what I truly think because I don’t want him to leave me and I of course never leave him 🙁

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