Headache and problems in past life

[Rosemary]

My partner is talking to me about his past I dont
Mind listening to him but it gets to me talking about negative things what happend in his life .

Also a frew things I can related to what happened in my life is the same as his . His talk to me about the same things over the years and it does
Stress me out and I end up haveing bad flair ups in my face listening to what his been thought.ive always been here for him but there only so much I can take my own stress and worry and his on top .

Pluse in life his makeing me worry when his not paying the rent propley I worry so much that get a adviction notice.

Also my partner told me that he feels bad how his treated me in life because the way his been brought up was wrong that he could not talk to
His parents if he had any problems also one of his parents use to hit him for no reason when he was little and got blame for things his never done he felt like a out cast which I can also related to .

I’ve gave him advice to talk to a counsellor which
He keeps on refuseing to .his dad made him feel that talking out is the wrong thing to do in his life to sort things out himself when he was
A child.

His dad use to hit him with things and make markes
On his back he did not treat him with respect when
He was a child. I can understand the past plays on his mind and how he got treated and because of this for many years my partner giveing me abusive being controling and aggressive because this is the way he was brought up seeing his dad do this to him and his mom . I understand how his feeling
But still no excuse how his treated me for many years giveing me abusive being controling and abuseing me there just no excuse how he is with me

I have a big heart and I am always here to listen to my partner but because he gets angury and abusive at me I feel on edge because I dont now what his going to be like from one day till the next .

I dont now what I can do because his not geting
Support and me and my children have been thought so much over the years and I feel physically and mentally worn out and tired.

My partner not going to get any help of how life in the past made him feel even thoe his parents have past away it’s still affecting him all the times

If he did feel really bad how his treating me I would of thought he get support with a counsellor but his not he has in his mind that he cant talk to no one because of how his dad treated him

I dont now what I can do I’ve tired to help him
Any advice anyone can give me please I am not being horrible but I got a bad headache feeling anxious because of how my partner feels .

I don’t think I am being horrible by telling him to get support because it just gets to much for me to take on his stress from the past it’s not nice to lissen to all the time .

I just feel lost and lonely.

[KIP.]

Nothing you can do will stop his abusing you. He chooses to abuse you because it makes him feel good. Please contact your local women’s aid. You and your children do not have to accept his abuse. If he was serious about getting help for grief then he would have done so but he’s using that grief to abuse you further as an excuse. Talk to the national domestic abuse helpline. It’s. Open 24/7. Abuse always gets worse x

[Darcy]

Hi my beautiful Angel … Rosemary,
When I was with my ex and felt alone I read a quote saying
” You are never so alone that you Angels/God doesn’t know where you are”
This really stuck with me, even though at the time I didn’t have much of a faith in anything. You are not alone, please use this forum as a support.
I would also advise you to speak to someone at women’s aid or on the domestic abuse helpline.
You sound like you have poured your heart and soul into this man, and left nothing in you for yourself.
He is a ”black hole” person …. however much you pour into him he will not change, he will always be the victim. He has the power to change the pattern of his past but instead he’s using it as an excuse to abuse you … this is unacceptable.
My darling, start taking the focus off him and putting it back into yourself, love yourself, respect yourself… this will start to make you feel stronger ready for making some changes for you and your children. It is not healthy for any of you to be in this situation.
Please respect yourself and start making a plan to get out of this relationship and get the freedom of the life you deserve … believe it and it will happen.
Sending you love and support
Darcy xx

[Rosemary]

Hello Kip

Thank you for your advice and careing I totally agree with you if my partner wanted to get better he would get help but his not his not careing for me or my children. The pulplations in my heart are horrible and it’s all down to my parnter giveing abusive and mental toucher. I think his makeing up excuse that the reason why he will not see a counsellor because they are strangers also he said why would he need them when he has me he nows when he goes on and on it gets me down and like you said to care about me and my children he would
Sort him self out . We dont deserve liveing with abusive and geting up each day thinking what my day going to be like its horrible.

I am seeing my counsellor very soon I will tell her what my partner doing she will give me advice and help me but untill then I will talk to women aid .

I’ve never used diosmetic abusive help line before
Is there a email address please or live chat I can use ?

Thank you for your advice I really appreciate it

[Rosemary]

Hello Darcy

I feel alone sometimes because my partner get
Me down with his abusive thinks it’s an excuse like Kip said if he wanted to change he would get help but his not he puts everything on to me he thinks this is acceptable behaviour. I dont now why I am finding hard to leave I think it is fear and why do i think bad of my self if i ever leave him ? I think it’s how he is makeing me feel as his said to me if I ever leave him that he might as well be in his grave this is emotional abusive to make me stay with him.

Like you said Darcy I have poured my heart out to my partner he makes me feel not good enuff lady . I gave him all my love and repect I done everything I can do and it’s just not working
Because he is abusive he dont see this in him sekd and he cant see that he had mental health either.

When he is in pain he use my body to joke around with this ain’t right and also makes me feel uncomfortable he laughts about it I dont see what is funny to make him self feel better when he feel depressed and in pain he jokes around with my body its horrible and not acceptable to even do this .

You are right I need to love my self and care about my self with my mental health and wellbeing and my children to they even get fed up of his abusive it’s not nice

He was abusive at me and my daughter saying that she not going to do her homework tonight as she come home late from staying in school for extra lessons. My heart was going fast when his giveing me and my daughter abusive saying it in a angry way that she not doing her homework my daughter was upset and ask me what is wrong with her dad to talk to us like that she worrys that she get a detchen for not doing her homework because her dad said she not doing it . I feel sad to even here my partner say this to my daughter it’s on her mind now his trying to control her and this is never okay.

Thank you for careing Darcy

Sending hugs xx

[Lisa]

Hi Rosemary,

I’m sorry to hear about what you and your children have been going through.
You have received some very good advice and guidance from the other women here so I hope you are beginning to know you are not alone and there is help out there for you and your children.
You asked if there was an email support service or live chat you can get domestic abuse support from. Women’s Aid have both an email support service on helpline@womensaid.org.uk , as well as a Live Chat service: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/ .
I hope this is useful to you.
Do keep posting to let us know how you get on.
All the best,

Lisa

[Rosemary]

Hi lisa

Thank you so much for sending me the links and for your support. Women on here have help me alot giveing me advice and links to look at which helps me alot I never new about Survivors form untill my
Counsellor sent me the link even thoe she was in touch me I could not talk to her thought email every day and she thought if i joined Survivors form she said it would help me more get thought my days to get support from other women . It’s nice to feel that I am not alone and other women understand me when my partner does not take my feelings in to consideration. It’s nice to feel welcome here and get support I really appreciate women on here takeing there time to reach out to me and be here for me .

[Author]

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