13th January 2022 at 2:02 pm #137000SleeplessNights123Participant
I think I’ve been having a bad week, let alone day. My head is really pounding from the stress, anxiety and lack of sleep.
I keep thinking I know everything about my C-PTSD and its triggers, but I was walking through town the other day and someone was smoking w**d, it was a really strong smell. My ex-abuser used to smoke this multiple times a day and I thought nothing of it, but as soon as I smelt this my head started to hurt and I was panicked. I thought he was close by and I spent the rest of my walk home looking around me, I was scared. I just feel like I have been left with all of these invisible scars, and the words of him telling me that I will always be alone and unlovable are just ringing in my head.
I am sorry I am so negative at the moment everyone – it really isn’t usually how I am. I always try to be positive and helpful to everyone around me, but I am feeling burnt out and just wanted somewhere to get my thoughts out and understood by people who actually have experienced DV. <3
13th January 2022 at 3:28 pm #137017KIP.Participant
Please don’t apologise, it’s okay not to be okay. Triggers were a big problem for me too. Some I didn’t even know I was having a trigger. Flowers. Took ages to work out that he used to buy me flowers after an assault and I was really anxious and scared around bunches of flowers. It definitely will get better. Are you having counselling? Try to keep something comforting on you. Perhaps a smell you like in a handkerchief like lavender. Try some mindfulness with the lavender. Hopefully a good counsellor can help you with triggers until you manage to cope better x be kind to yourself x
14th January 2022 at 8:09 am #137079SleeplessNights123Participant
That makes a lot of sense. It is so strange how triggers can just keep appearing even when you think you know them all, or have a handle on them.
I am not currently having any counselling. I did have around 6 weeks of EMDR therapy before, but I am wondering if I should maybe try having some sort of talking therapy again. I am just never sold on CBT!
I definitely think lavender is a good call, it is always a smell that makes me think of my mum which is really calming. I will try that.
Thank you, and I hope you are okay too xx
20th January 2022 at 2:52 pm #137462treeees1Participant
Hi sleeplessnights123 and kip
yes triggers are there for me too, and recognising when the onset of a ptsd migraine is starting too…
I am trying some more cbt at the moment, but I did cbt at least 4 times to try to improve myself and stop having emotion whilst with him, so the thought of even doing cbt again is a trigger now….any letters from solicitors, any phone calls to help myself move forward are triggering headaches all over the place. Like you sleeplessnights 123 I find myself scurrying home in a panic and not wanting to go out for days after something has jolted me… I too feel negative and rather useless for not wanting to leave the house again …x*x
23rd January 2022 at 7:36 pm #137607StartingafreshParticipant
I also surprised myself with my reaction from the sudden sound of a motorbike whilst on a bus. I panicked, my heart was racing as I thought it was my ex and all the way home I was looking over my shoulder in case it was him and what he would do if it was.
My reaction was totally over the top it just made me realise although I am out of the relationship recovery is going to take some time.
I have not had any counselling or CBT but I am hoping to get some local domestic abuse support soon. It helps knowing others are experiencing the same feelings/reactions.
Sleeplessnights123 I can understand what you mean about feeling burnt out because that is how I have felt today still trying to sort out the mess of my break up after relocating to different area of country because of him.
The only way I seem to cope is by keeping busy but its when I stop I start to think about what happened.
Take care everyone xx
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