Hello

[tryingtomoveforwardslowly]

Hi there,

I recently signed up and I have been unsure of what to write here.

I left an abusive relationship that I had been in for several years. He stopped me from seeing my family and friends, took all of my money, regularly used drugs and threatened to kill me on multiple occasions, along with other things that I don’t want to/can’t say. I thought that I had been moving on and getting on with my life but I have recently started supporting a friend who has just left an abusive relationship which has brought back many feelings that I had buried.

I feel completely paralysed by this, and defeated that I haven’t been strong enough to leave this in the past and I have no idea where to turn or what to do.

Thank you.

[lover of no contact]

Hi and welcome to the Forum,

You have come to the right place. I know I stuffed my feelings down when in the abusive relationship because I was too busy trying to survive on a day to day basis and also I couldn’t show anger etc as it was always about him, and anyways I was too busy with him and his drama.

You are now safe from him so its safe for you to let all those normal feelings (anger, guilt, rage, hurt, upset, confusion, low self-worth, etc) come onto the light so to speak, so you can look at them, process them and then move on with your life and live life to the full (despite having been unlucky to have been targeted by an abuser and ending up in a relationship with one).

Your feelings have been triggered by your friend’s abusive relationship and are probably coming to the surface because you have the time, space and energy to deal with them. The time is right now. This is your time to heal which you will do and have taken the first step on the journey of recovery by posting on here.

Welcome and keep reading the posts as much as you can and post and share your experiences, thoughts and feelings as you need to.

Knowledge is Power and you will make sense of your past and will not feel as if you have been alone in dealing with this. Abusers have similar patterns and behaviours, so similar you will be shocked and you will see that most of us on here felt and dealt and carried out behaviours similar to you as a reaction to being on the receiving end of an abuser’s behaviour.

[Messed up]

Hi,

I am in a similar situation to you. I thought I had dealt with it all in my head but lately it has shown that I clearly haven’t.I am so angry that it is still affecting me. Its like he still controls my mind. I thought it would get easier as time went on. I joined the forum a few months back but have never written anything. I need to try and accept what happened maybe? I just don’t know x

[Ayanna]

You found the right place.
If you have not worked on your experiences small triggers are enough to reactivate the trauma, even after many years.

Have you though of looking for counseling?

Speak to your GP.
Maybe you can even get therapy.

Most women have PTSD after abuse and that does not go away without therapy.

[Author]

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