Hello

[bahookie]

New here, I’ve left and am in my own flat now but finding it hard to get to grips with the past. I even find it hard to remember specific episodes of abuse, although I know they happened. I can’t thank women’s aid enough, they have been amazing.
Anyway, hello

[freedomtochoose]

hello there,
well done for leaving. It takes time.
look after yourself
ftc
x

[itwillbeokay]

Hello.

I’m the same. Left a few months ago – fled my counsellor describes it as – and am now in a flat with our two young children. I struggle to remember specifics but I know his behaviour towards me in lots of different ways was awful and I had developed hyper vigilance, in short I was a nervous wreck always waiting for the next episode. The cycle of abuse I guess I now know it as.

It is made even harder by the fact my husband now appears to be completely nice and normal and kind and reasonable when we have contact to do with our children. He minimises and gaslights me aswell as he did when we lived together. I just arm myself with lots and lots of reading and information and YouTube guided self help on the subject and I know he will not change sadly and our family is broken for good. I’m desperately sad about that but I couldn’t live like that anymore. So it’s one foot in front of the other for me and I keep trying to look forward. It’s not easy but we are strong to have left I think and we will be happier in the end.

Lots of love x

[KIP.]

Hey and welcome, it’s going to take a while for your brain to return to normal and work through the trauma. Meantime keep posting and we will help you through. Hooray for women’s aid. Saved me too x

[bahookie]

Aw thanks for your welcomes. I’ve been wishing there was some kind of peer support group I could attend and talk to others, but it seems that not a thing.
I’m feeling hollow these days, and my confidence is rock bottom. I know I need to find a job and start this new life but I’m sitting watching come dine with me. Ha, how daft is that.

[itwillbeokay]

Same here. I got a really good job to go back to when our second child turned one (I took redundancy whilst I was pregnant) but I had to leave after three weeks as I left our home and the area. It affected my confidence aswell as my marriage was crumbling around me and it was quite a high pressure job and I was too fragile. His treatment of me intensified when I got the job – he was unemployed and unable to find a job.

I left months ago and have just tonight started looking at jobs online. I’m terrified of going for an interview whereas I used to be much more confident of my abilities. I’m much less of a person than I used to be right now but I have to go back to work in September when my oldest starts school. The countdown is on for me to build myself up. It’s not going to be easy but my head has been in the sand for too long now.

X*x

[Pandora]

@bahookie, I was also wondering about support group… Like AA or NA…
I hope you will SOON be happy in your new flat.

@itwillbeokay, I understand your fear.
I am petrified this ordeal and my emotional journey ahead means I can’t hold on to my high pressure job…
And I call the head in sand thing the trusted ostrich method.
And I too have ostriched too long now… Good luck with the building up part!

[Author]

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