Hello

[Fudgecake]

Hello,
I’m new here but have been reading the forums since my recent great escape. It’s still early days but I’m thankful that myself and family are no longer exposed to the daily trauma of emotional abuse. I had been aware that what we were living was not normal for along time but I realise now that I’d been minimising his behaviour and justifying it to myself as something I’d done wrong or when he was being nice thinking “Oh he’s not that bad…”. After things escalating quite rapidly over a month, one final humiliation convinced me to get out before things got violent. So I scrambled together basic belongings, sentimental items mainly, but so much of my belongings have been left. Although, I feel that it’s all been tainted by our experiences in that house.
I’m lucky that I had relatives to help and support us. I’m still reeling from the realisation that we have been emotionally abused by someone who was supposed to love and care for me. I’m very low at the moment but I do get times when I feel almost normal. Will I ever get the person I once was back? I used to be happy, confident and had plans for the future. Now, I’m wondering if I’ll ever get another job (I was discouraged from working so job references will be a problem) and I’ve lost touch with old colleagues through being isolated and blocked from contacting people.
Still, I feel blessed for being in a calm, safe environment now. It is nice to breathe again without walking on eggshells.
I guess we can only take one day at a time.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there and well done on getting away💖
Take your recovery time one day at a time. You’ll never be the person you were, you’re too aware of abusive behaviour now to ignore it. You may become very intolerant of people like that as well. You may get flashbacks and have days where you cant function, those are normal feelings. Its your brain processing the trauma you’ve lived with fir however many years. Talk it over with your doctor, take anti depressants if you have to. Many of us don’t want to, but we do what we do to survive during and after abuse. Be open and honest with people, the abuse is your ex,s shame, not yours. You’ll tell those you need to.. as for future employers, you could always use the, looking after the family so took time out, or you could tell them, you were abused and not allowed to work and take it from there.
You are a blank canvas now, you can be whoever you want to be. I’m so happy to read you’re away, it’s made today that bit brighter for me too. Keep posting, there’s a loot inside that you’ll want to talk through, and that’s what this forum is for as well. We love reading how others get away, it makes doing so a reality that could one day be ours who are still living with abuse.

IWMB 💕💕

[IndecisiveGirl]

So happy to hear you have gotten out and are feeling more positive and safe in your new environment. You are so brave and strong to have done this, you are an inspiration to people like myself who are at the moment thinking of getting out.
With regards to work, I think it’s one step at a time, but like IWMB said, you could just be honest or use another excuse if you weren’t ready to be open with them? The main thing is you now have that opportunity and freedom again to work as you want to.

Take care, enjoy your new found happiness in new safe surroundings!

[Fudgecake]

Thank you both for your replies. I cried when I read them both. I guess I’m not used to someone being kind and compassionate in their use of words to me anymore. IWMB, you are right that I will never be the same person as before, as in I will be very aware of abusive behaviour. Even now, looking around me I can see it clearly for what it is when I look at other people’s interactions. It’s like the blinkers have been taken off. Just a shame I couldn’t see it happening personally to me for so long.

IndecisiveGirl, it is a huge decision to make and not an easy one. It’s all too easy for people to say “Why don’t you just leave” but it’s not easy. It’s the hardest thing to do and a decision that needs to be considered carefully. It took me a long time to make that decision but I didn’t want things to escalate any further. I can’t say I’m happy about what I did. It’s hard to go when you still have feelings for someone, or is it feelings for the illusion?

Never the less, it was the right decision and the right time for me. And when the time is right, you too will make the decision. You and only you will know inside yourself what to do and when the timing is right.

[Author]

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