6th May 2022 at 10:14 pm #143242LemondropParticipant
I registered on this forum about a week ago having been signposted to it as it may be helpful for me. I have been with my partner for years, and he has been emotionally abusive for a lot of this time. There have been ups and downs in between, and a couple of children who are now young adults. I have recently come to the realisation of how awful my situation is, and along with a couple of other areas of my life not going so well either have overwhelmed me and been depressed and had thoughts of suicide, believing this was the only option… I am now on medicatio which is starting to help, and am going to access counselling. This abuse has eroded my confidence and self esteem. I have told my partner I don’t want to be with him anymore and that I want him to leave, but he point blank refuses. However, the I have been informed that I can call the police to remove him, but I am too scared because of the repercussions this will cause, as he will come back and is a very vengeful person. So, this is just a snippet of me and my situation, and am glad that I was able to join this forum as you are all so lovely, understanding and honest with each other from the things I’ve read so far.
6th May 2022 at 10:27 pm #143244ButterflyfreelyParticipant
Hello there Lemondrop, I am so sorry your going through such a difficult time at the moment. Yes you can get the police to remove him, and they can get restraining order and other safeguards put in place, like markers at the property and property of close friends and family which will ensure the police respond faster if there is an incident.
I have very recently left an incredibly mentally, emotionally and physically abusive relationship, and im not going to lie, its hard, but i believe we can do this, we can get better, and also i look back on all the mental and emotional abuse and wonder how i endured it for so long, and for me it was the fear that kept me there so long.
Everyone’s situation is different, when you’re ready to take whatever steps you decide you’ll just do it, and it will be scary, but you will have support, womens aid can support you, they have helped me a lot.
Sending you hugsxxxxxxxxxxx
6th May 2022 at 10:32 pm #143245The DuchessParticipant
Hi Lemondrop welcome to our gathering and for reaching out , I’m glad you are seeking help and it is working for you , you are correct that you can have the police remove your partner, I had to result to this myself as he also refused to leave , but I know you are scared & it’s understandable , the police can assist in getting a restraining order or you could apply for a non mol yourself, I believe you can apply in an emergency, you could ask further on this from women’s Aid if you are concerned of repercussions from your ex . Unfortunately in these situations you may have to get him removed or you could change the locks while he is out and if he gets aggressive then call the police telling them he is refusing to leave and the domestic abuse . It is good that you have recognised this relationship is no longer healthy for you and you are willing to take the steps necessary, that takes great courage. Try and get as much advice as possible to set things in motion for you to be safe . There are options available, you do not have to continue this way x
7th May 2022 at 10:45 am #143274LisaMain Moderator
Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this a safe place to express all that is happening for you and to receive the support and validation you need to move forward.
First, I’m so sorry to hear of how detrimental the abuse has been on your emotional and psychological health. While this is a completely normal reaction to enduring years of abuse, it doesn’t take away how devastating it is. I’m glad to hear you have begun to get treatment and are feeling a bit better. Healing and processing all that you have been through is a journey and takes time, so remember you are not alone in this.
It sounds like you could benefit from reaching out to your local domestic abuse service who can offer both emotional and practical help. They can go over all your options and even say, help with making a safety plan to leave the relationship and approaching the police if you’d like. When you feel safe and ready for more emotional/psychological support in your situation, you can ask for links to support groups and counselling too.
Do keep posting here for continued support, as the other women here will know very well what you are going through and will be able to offer good advice.
Take care and private message me if you are having any issues with getting the support you feel you need.
7th May 2022 at 4:17 pm #143286LemondropParticipant
Thank you for your kind responses, understanding and information. I am already in touch with a local DA Service, and have discussed a safety plan, have been given links to a counselling service, and the link for this forum, and various other bits of helpful information. x
8th May 2022 at 6:26 am #143320AurielParticipant
Hi Lemondrop welcome I understand your fears of repercussions, it’s probably already been put to you as an option but have you thought about going into refuge momentarily till they find you somewhere safe from him.People sometimes have opinions of refuge being not nice places but they are safe (your safe) they are clean, tidy and nice and you get to meet people going through the same things (it’s just something to think on) please don’t tell him your desire to leave again (it just makes them angry) they have to be in control and right about everything it’s just the way they are, but understand it’s not his choice it’s your life, your right to freedom, your right to happiness and definitely your right to not be abused 🏋🏻♀️🧡🤗
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