Hello

[Anonymous]

Hello,
I am new to the forum. I’m not sure if this is where I should post this but sometime ago I broke up with my partner. This was due to what took place when we were together. I had just had a baby (detail removed by Moderator) ago and we had been apart due to being in different countries. It happened where we were kissing and he asked if he could go further and I said no and he was there asking saying he would pull out but I said no I dont want to take that risk as we just had a baby. He did not listen to me and held my hands down and continued anyway saying ‘a rape a rape’.I did not scream or anything I just froze up after that as i felt scared. He did not pull out in time and I had to take a morning after pill. He did not apologise after it happened and we just continued as normal but it still bothered me. After that happened I kept thinking about our relationship and if he really cared about me. Since we reunited after being apart there were other things that bothered me as wel. I did not like the way he spoke to me and I told him this and he said he does not care. I also found out he had been texting someone he said was his ‘friend’ telling her he loved her and she should have given him his child. This message was sent (detail removed by Moderator) after I had given birth. I decided to leave the country where we were. I told him I would sponsor him. We were still together for (detail removed by Moderator) after I left the country. It was hard to get employment and work the hours needed while taking care of a baby. I was still angry about what happened and finally I told him. At first he said he did not remember then he said yes he remember and he is sorry. After I told him we were still together but everything was still bothering me. He wanted me to vsist him with the baby buy I was apprehensive about doing so. After having a bad dream about this I realised I was not happy and confident about being with him so I broke up with him. After we broke up he kept messaging say9ng he loves me and wants to be with me. I ignored these but still allowed him to video call his child. Then he messaged saying how I left him stuck in the other country how I promised to sponsor him now I should have told him something was wrong before I left. He also said he doesnt remeber repeating ‘a rape’ and this made me feel he thought I was lieing. He said i never loved him. I spoke to two family members about what happened. One thinks I should forgive him and be with him as we have a child but I do no trust him so I dont want to do this. This family member believes even if we are not together I should sponsor him so he can be able to see and take care if his child. He believes this as well.Another family member thinks I should cut all communication with him. At the moment I allow him to speak to child through video call and sends videos and pictures. Even doing the video calls are hard as I would rather not. He also keeps asking when am I visiting with our child even though I already told him I wont be visiting and he needs to speak to immigration lawyer. How have other persons dealt with situations where something like this happens and children are involved? I havent reported what happensd either as it wouldnt be taken seriously in that country and I was confused and embarrassed about what happened

[Lisa]

Hi,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us. I am sorry to hear about what you have been through, I hope it helped to post on here to others who understand.

If you feel like you are in need of some further support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

You may also wish to contact Rape Crisis who also have a live chat service and helpline- https://rapecrisis.org.uk/

There is support here for you along the way.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t trust him, you shouldn’t believe anything at all that he says he’s verbally abused you physically abused you by raping you, he knew he was raping you and had no problem doing so and that’s an extremely dangerous man the forgetting of what he said to you is a lie also he’s self denying or trying to convince you he didn’t say that it didn’t happen is blatant gaslighting also I’m suspicious his so called female friend may have been more than that due to her statement of giving him a baby and the messages of love I’m glad your away from him, have you spoken to any trauma specialists about this? he is an abuser that has probably been lying about you to people he knows (and maybe you know too, he’s dangerous, I’m not sure of different countries and their rules and regulations with things but your right in your instincts and uncomfortableness that you can’t trust him and those instincts and feelings are 💯 valid especially given the circumstances 🤗💗🤗

[Author]

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