hello

[sewnseeds]

Hello! I am new here, and it feels appropriate to say hi

I left my relationship with my ex (detail removed by moderator), and since then I have really struggled to accept the things he did as abuse. Part of it was him isolating me from my support networks, even after we broke up (detail removed by moderator). Since then, its been really difficult to try and rebuild those networks, and this is my first step in trying to find my community again. I’ve blamed myself for the things that happened time and time again, but I am trying to be honest with myself and give myself the compassion I deserve. I know that I am more than all of the things he said.
I know that I am not just pretty when I’m naked, I know that I am not annoying or too loud. I am giving myself the kindness he never could. He wanted me to sit there and feel no emotions because it was easier for him, but now I have the space to process those emotions instead of having to bury them.
He cheated on me, blamed it on me, gave me the silent treatment. He is still in my life in horrible ways, but I can start separating fully from him now. He always said I wasn’t worthy of support.
I get to make that choice now. I get to choose the support, I get to ask for help without being treated like I’m filth.
Its a good feeling

[Lisa]

Hi sewnseeds,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing so openly about your experiences both with the abuse and how you are working towards healing. It’s really powerful how you talk about getting to make the choice now and choosing support. Being made to doubt yourself so you struggle to accept it is abuse and being made to take on the blame are part of the abuse themselves. Not only are you more than all the things he said, you aren’t any of the things he said, they were all lies to give himself power and control. Isolation is a big impact of domestic abuse but you are not alone in this.

If you haven’t already, you could reach out to your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing support. You might also find the Bloom website helpful. They have courses focused on recovering from the trauma of abuse along with other resources to support this progress.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

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