Hello

[Ginjaninja257]

I don’t really know why I am here, but I’ve been feeling that I need to connect with women who have experienced abuse and who can empathise with my situation.

About (detail removed by moderator) I left my husband, who was abusive both physically and mentally.  My escape happened very suddenly, and there was no plan.  I left in the middle of the night after another incident of physical abuse because something in my brain clicked, and I knew that if I stayed, I wouldn’t survive. I fled with just my phone and my car keys.

After a lengthy divorce and criminal prosecution against my husband, I moved away and started a new life.  Wind forward (detail removed by moderator) and I am in a loving, stable relationship, a good job, a lovely dog, and life is good. Although it isn’t.

(detail removed by moderator) the flashbacks, nightmares and internal dialogue got too much, and I had a breakdown.  I was suffering from anxiety and depression, so I found myself a counsellor.  We started working through some of the things that had happened to me.

I’ve been seeing this counsellor (detail removed by moderator)  About six weeks ago, during a session, I found myself getting very upset and angry over the injustice of how my ex is living his life, not a care in the world, probably doing the same to others as he did to me.  My counsellor said that it was about time I really started dealing with the issues as I had boxed them away.  Over the last five weeks, we’ve been doing something called EMDR.

This is slowly working, but I am having to face all of the abuse that I faced.  It’s really painful to relive all the memories that I had so successfully repressed and shut away.  It’s shaking the solid foundation that I’ve built for myself, and I’m scared that I’m going to lose the stability in my life.  I understand that this is a process, and I know it’s going to get worse before it gets better, but I needed to reach out.

So, I think I’m here to connect with others.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[Karisqq]

Hey welcome to the forum. Firstly, well done on leaving the relationship and getting along with life!

Indeed, retrieving those memories are painful especially when you suddenly realise how unfair and abusive he was, and you may feel sorry for what you’ve experiences. For me, I try accepting what had happened, and to release my emotions with appropriate ways. I tried to accept that I’m going to feel awful from time to time, accept that I cannot change the past, and hold on hope and believe everything will past and things will be better. It is a very difficult process requires patience and kindness, so I’ll also accept that I will fail sometimes.

Hopefully you feel more connected and less alone in this forum, once again welcome to the forum. Personally I find talking to ppl here, through the forum, is quieter helpful, since you know you’re not alone and its normal to. Struggle. Sending you lots of love x

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