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Hi. I’m feeling really selfish and bad posting this. But I’m feeling a little out of control today. My grown children are all overseas and so I am alone, miss them so much. I live in this safe house, even though I left the abusive ex (detail removed by moderator), I’m still at threat. My remaining parent is abusive, as is their family. I’ve had to make the decision (detail removed by moderator), that I must cut ties, this invisible cord between myself and my mum, and her family, to try to keep myself well. This hurts. I have only ever loved her and been kind and caring. I’ve had abuse that she never stood up to or tried to stop. I’m fact she blamed me for everything. She makes up all kinds of stories that her family believe and they are all so hating of me. I get abusive calls that I’ve had to block. I just feel alone. My mum was not in my life when little. I just had a to survive. I’ve been unwell off work. Work have said (detail removed by moderator). This person had made me very ill, manipulated and made up accusations and lies, the behaviour reminded me so much of my abusive ex. I had to take months off work to recover. That person was t there on my return so all was OK again. I’ve now been spun into the awful horrid feelings that cptsd brings. It feels like I’ve been taken back to school again, put amongst the bullies, no control over it, no say, no voice. I feel so ill with it. I thought I was improving, was hopeful. Now I’ve spun right back again. I am on a waiting list fir the freedom programme but won’t be until (detail removed by moderator) next year, I’m hoping that might help. My (detail removed by moderator). I need another (detail removed by moderator) therapy as there is so much to address, but I’ve gut to wait for (detail removed by moderator) before going on the waiting list again. (detail removed by moderator). I won’t hurt myself because that would hurt my loved ones. But I’m very low. Thankyou for listening.I wish I could be more of a help, for others.
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Your not alone I also feel alone have no friends or family my ex as stopped me seeing my lil one I want to fight for him but I’m so low I feel I just av to accept I won’t see him again my other kids don’t talk to me av just 1 at home now but I don’t want him to see me like this it not fair on him all I want to do is curl up an sleep sending hugs stay strong x
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