hello folks

[keepsgoing]

Hello
This is my first time using this forum, and I think it’s great that those needing help and support to get out can get that here – I hope it assists many people to find their way out, and onto a much healthier and happier life. I’ve been in two relationships and experienced very bad dissociative symptoms, during and after those relationships. I’ve come a long way but still getting there slowly and quite frustrated with the time it has taken, and trying to unravel the stuff and work it all out…..I don’t know where to start talking about these relationships, and maybe keeping it at a wee bit of a distance this moment as I’m typing (there is just so, so much and not sure how to start at all)… but I’m interested in the symptoms that I experienced, and wondering if those still trying to get out of relationships are experiencing them too as I did. I remember something would come on, I would feel problems with balance, like the floor was coming up or moving, and I’d often notice some differences with vision on and off, my brain would feel like it was cutting out at times, I occasionally felt a numbness/tingling sensation in my hands. I remember once I got out I was on the bus one day and noticed I had managed to daydream, I hadn’t done this for over a year at least, and I think I read later that it’s normal for the brain to be able to do this daily….I also used to and still get a knawing gripping pain under my left rib penetrating round the back right, just wondering if symptoms are related to others who are trying to leave abuse…..

[keepsgoing]

just to say the gripping pain is in fact under my right rib, I’m wondering if there is any relation to being on constant adrenaline…I was definitely experiencing fast thoughts which eventually evened out…eventually…could this induce problems to with chronic fatigue, ME, Fybromyalgia??

[Lisa]

Hello Keepsgoing,

Welcome to the Forum and thank you for posting. I hope you find the Forum a safe and supportive place with others who understand what you have been through.

Please do consider speaking to your GP or a health professional about any health concerns as they may be able to refer you for specialist support.

There will always be support here for you so do share more with us when you feel ready.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Twisted Sister]

Hi keepsgoing

I really recommend some sort of very energetic activity,such as running,even on the spot, just something to get your system flowing, fast.

You will get used to it, your body will be able to balance the adrenalin surge, and the exercise I’ll make you fit and in a better place to deal with stressful issues, physically, psychologically and emotionally as they are all linked.

I can’t say I ever experienced a sensation of the ground tipping in the way you describe, by certainly the brain cutting out completely and then not knowing where I was. This was always triggered by perceived and actual threats of violence. I sometimes would hear my voice like it was high above me screaming things like help me, or if i wa trapped I would scream that but not them know anything more til I ‘came round’ somewhere completely different. Does that sound like you experience?
I would also get numbness, which I haven’t had in a longtime; I would call it shock numbness, if for fairly mild things like a reference to him or something, words could do that. Sometimes whole body, sometimes completely in half, and I’ve had a quarter too! Very bizarre and extremely frightening and not one single person helped me with them, so it awesome that you came here to post your experiences as so frightening. Having said all that, it was mostly afterwards, I suffered, I completely wasn’t aware of some things until afterwards.

Others here might have more insights into their experiences when in it.

I didn’t know at the time what was happening to me, and it was terrifying, but it did improve a lot over time, but it could still now happen years later. I think I am probably broken for life.

I’d recommend you find a really helpful GPand be referred for further support if your situation allows it.

Keep posting anyway and start to process what’s been happening for you.

Warmest wishes ts

[keepsgoing]

Thank you very much for your replies, like I mentioned before I don’t know where to start, I had breakdowns after two abusive relationships (They were years apart and I had a ‘normal’ relationship in between). The first abusive partner I met (detail removed by moderator), but I didn’t actually go out with him till (detail removed by moderator) which was many years later, we had been socialising a lot for about a year as we had also been working together, I eventually left my job because of him (detail removed by moderator), and not long after that when I enrolled on a college course he followed me onto it and I ended up not being able to do the course..I moved to the other side of the city, and remember being worried that he moved to that side too, though his work was in that side of the city, he’s approached me a number of times over the years, on public transport/out socialising – if he knows who I’m with which is usually the case he will approach too, but worryingly recently he happened to be at my work (I really don’t think he knew in advance of this that I was working there at all) (detail removed by moderator), and he was angry to see me, and at points he hovered about where I was standing a lot, and came very close at one point with the excuse he needed passed, and said ‘excuse me’ it’s subtle to anyone else but it’s all about intimidating me, a friend said it seems to happen only when he sees me, rather than he plans it, but I am always pretty shaken by his behaviours each time this happens, and then of course experience symptoms relating to this previous trauma after for quite some time. It’s (detail removed by moderator) since this relationship ended and I’m annoyed and frightened because I just don’t know if I’m safe, a womens aid counsellor said because it’s not stalking behaviour probably nothing can be done (what I’ve always worried about is that if I report but nothing can be done to stop this, I am at risk because it will antagonise him…I didn’t report at the time simply because I was just so scared of that but mostly because I was just so sick, and my only support was from a friend who said a lot of things that was so unhelpful and I’m trying to figure out if she was also gas lighting, to control our friendship over a number of years, she was becoming more and more aggressive towards the end of my last relationship that I felt as though it was going to get out of hand, so I had to end that friendship too..

[keepsgoing]

Twisted sister – I didn’t ever experience periods of black out and come round in a different place, I just felt not quite there in my body, off kilter, like I was a bit out my physical body, sort of dream like, I think it was depersonalisation or disassociation, although I have friend who has historic trauma and one day during a stressful period after counselling she had cycled home but once home, couldn’t remember her journey home at all…

[keepsgoing]

During my last relationship, I had been trying to get the bills off my partner and in my own hands, and was having trouble, one night I had asked to go through this and then he was on the phone to his brother, he then accused me of not wanting him to get on with his brother?? I was so distraught by this weird nonsense ontop of all the other controlling stuff that I ran into our hall and went on my knees, I was crying and he came up behind me and covered my mouth with his hands with force/aggressively, he went (detail removed by moderator) when he came back, the next morning I got up and went straight on the phone to my dad and said dad I need to you to get the bills from XXXXXX because he won’t give me them, he was so polite on the phone to my dad, as he was normally a very shy and polite person…then when he came off I was so ill I went into my room, git a blanket and put it down on the floor in our hall, and went into foetal position, I just wanted my head to still…

[keepsgoing]

one time during sex he said four times aggressively ‘No, do it this way” he repeated it four times, he also went in a huff one night because I didn’t want to have sex on the couch, I was in some pain at that point and the couch wasn’t very comfortable or supportive, he went in a huff and said it was boring doing the same things… another time he was almost making me do the work if that makes sense and at the end said hah you needed that with a facial expression and a tone to put me down/demoralise I think…

At the end of the first abusive relationship, (the one who was at my work recently that I’m still afraid of), I had went round to his house to finally break up with him, he said assertively (detail removed by moderator) I felt I was having to negotiate my way out of there, I replied with I don’t think thats a good idea, it would mess up any friendship I think we need to just split up, his tone then completely changed to a pleading one it was so so creepy..

[Iwantmeback]

Hi keepsgoing, welcome to the forum. Stress magnifies itself into physical ailments. You can actually get all sorts of ailments with stress!!! Fibromyalgia can be associated with stress as can constant pins and needles/tingling in face fingers and feet/legs. These are physical ailments not figments of our imagination, but the bodies way of saying, enough is enough. With all problems please see your dr, let her know the strain you’re under. Mine was amazing when i eventually told her, so supportive. Plus its a form of documenting the abuse, if you cant go to police or havent contacted WA or a lawyer. I feel nearly ready as my husband is trying to turn the situation around onto me, saying i start all the arguements, wont stop going on and on, when it’s what he says and implies that makes me try to defend myself. Im really trying to hear I instead of you when hes raging, but it’s very difficult NOT to hear criticism all the time.
Try and eat regularly and drink plenty of water of water. Im struggling with food and drink just now but think i may have turned a corner. Just eat or drink whatever stays down😘. I spents ages getting up and then lying on the couch all day with a cover over me, barely making it through the day. Im still having a few days like that, but even getting dressed is an achievement.
Dont be too hard on yourself. Baby steps sweetheart.
Post on here as often as you need to, rant if you feel you need to. We are all here to listen and offer any advice we can.
IWMB 💕💕

[Iwantmeback]

Hi keepsgoing, welcome to the forum. Stress magnifies itself into physical ailments. You can actually get all sorts of ailments with stress!!! Fibromyalgia can be associated with stress as can constant pins and needles/tingling in face fingers and feet/legs. These are physical ailments not figments of our imagination, but the bodies way of saying, enough is enough. With all problems please see your dr, let her know the strain you’re under. Mine was amazing when i eventually told her, so supportive. Plus its a form of documenting the abuse, if you cant go to police or havent contacted WA or a lawyer. I feel nearly ready as my husband is trying to turn the situation around onto me, saying i start all the arguements, wont stop going on and on, when it’s what he says and implies that makes me try to defend myself. Im really trying to hear I instead of you when hes raging, but it’s very difficult NOT to hear criticism all the time.
Try and eat regularly and drink plenty of water of water. Im struggling with food and drink just now but think i may have turned a corner. Just eat or drink whatever stays down😘. I spents ages getting up and then lying on the couch all day with a cover over me, barely making it through the day. Im still having a few days like that, but even getting dressed is an achievement.
Dont be too hard on yourself. Baby steps sweetheart.
Post on here as often as you need to, rant if you feel you need to. We are all here to listen and offer any advice we can.
IWMB 💕💕
Ps with regards to the ground moving it could be a form of menieres disease, which i too suffer bouts of when really stressed. Even lying in bed you feel as if you’re falling off a mountain.

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