Hello I am new here finally left..

[hurtnomore]

Hi All,

So glad i have found somewhere to talk to others who can understand what i have been through. I was with my abuser for (detail removed by moderator) months. it began in week (detail removed by moderator). dont know why I stayed! i guess you just believe them when they say it will never happen again. i have been physically,mentally sexually and financially abused. he has done it in every relationship and for some reason i thought he would “change” for me. apparently its me who sets him off. He is what you call a n********t, i am not the first to label him this. i have never had an apology and anything that happens is not allowed to be spoken about as it is “negativity” so as you can imagine i have spent the last  (detail reoved by moderator) months walking on egg shells holding back my feelings and living with the resentment. Listening to him tell everyone how great he is and how lucky and spoilt i am to be with him (wow). due to his past his family do know it is him and not me its been tough telling my close friends and family the truth when i left because i have lied to them for so long. He has almost killed me (detail removed by moderator) times, a few days ago being the last. somebody witnessed this and has gone to the police and wants to be a witness i am too scared to testify. i cant explain in words the things i have been through and the things i have seen, its been like a movie the stories dont sound real. the hurt the manipulation the hospital visits the lying the blame and so on i dont think its really possible for any of us to explain the hurt or the feelings in those situations all i know is i dont ever want to experience this again. I was a healthy young girl before and now i suffer with panic attacks anxiety nightmares depression etc. does anyone have any advise on what to do now? i first left aa few weeks ago and stupidly went back and believed him only for a day later to experience a very scary situation. He has left me shattered no confidence,scared,lonely, isolated – i just want to be who i was before i met him. what do i do now? it feels like its easier to go back than to go forward and i dont even know why 🙁

Thanks for your support x

[SunshineRainflower]

Hello Hurtnomore and welcome to the forum 🙂

You’ve done brilliant in making the break and you just need to keep going now, put yourself first and never look back. Abuse escalates so if you go back you would sadly no doubt be in danger, as you have already experienced.

I would ring the helpline about reporting the abuse, they will be able to advise you on that and safety steps to take and put you in touch with local domestic abuse experts. You need to put your safety first so make this a priority and then you can begin your healing process.

It’s really hard at first because they condition us to depend on them so initially you might feel like an addict wanting a fix, but once you get past this (it does pass) you gain in strength you’ll start to wonder what you ever saw in him.

Right now your focus is on on recovery and healing yourself. You’ll never be able to do this with him in your life. Go no contact and ignore all of his attempts to reconnect with you, this is called ‘hoovering.’ My ex abuser is currently hoovering me a lot and I keep ignoring him.

What has helped me is:

– Trying to get enough sleep including making sure I have a calm bedroom and a good book to read
– Eating healthy nutritious food that heals the body, mind and soul
– Gardening
– Yoga
– Walking
– Art therapy (drawing and painting my feelings)
– Journaling each day
– Video diaries
– Support groups
– Reconnecting with friends

Are there support groups locally? Have you rung the helpline? Does your city/town have a domestic abuse team? I rang loads of organisations for help and am attending a support group and a course on domestic abuse which has been really helpful.

Be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself, saying ‘no more’ to the abuse, recognising it for what it is and just keep taking baby steps forward each day, and keep posting on here whenever you need it.

[EeyoreNoMore]

Hey, welcome!

I’d also highlight that you need to block him on all devices and go No Contact. Don’t respond to anything. This is you taking the control back.

Stay strong, you’re doing great xx

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

Welldone for escaping, focus on u and receovering, u’d be suprised at teh delay reaction , we all respond differently. When your ready report him for trying to kill u, i reported my ex too late so got told lack of evidence and time had lasped. ita not till later we realise how dangerous they are. u will find loads of support on here as u post, if u ever need to chat feel free to message me , i experienced the same form of abuse

[Nova]

Hi HNM, sorry to hear of your traumatic abusive relationship. Great that your out and seeing him in the cold light of day, we are with you and support each other…through all the feelings that come up. .they will and that’s OK to post whatever you like…as we can talk it through together, your not alone.

You have a much brighter future ahead, in freedom from aggression and fear.

Ring WA they have loads of support network try to put in place some new ways of looking at your new life, small steps then big steps…forward!

Hugs C x

[hurtnomore]

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for the replys, really does mean alot! nice to know there are others out there who understand the pure hell. It defiantly does feel like im an addict! I keep gettin the urge to go back to stop the hurt and thats a real hard thing for me right now. I started a journal at the start of my abuse and I do think it wil help to start again so thank you for this! I have not looked into any groups I guess i feel slightly embarrassed to turn up to a class all confidence and self worth has gone so even waking up some days can be a struggle for me. Maybe this could be my first step to healing. Again thank you for all the suggestions I need to get out of this hole and alot of things you have said i have considered but never got round to doing! I am also pretty scared to report anything. somebody actually reported him for me a passer by in the street but i was too scared to tell the truth.. I hope everything is working out for you all and thank you all so much for the support. xx

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