Viewing 1 reply thread
  • Author
    Posts
    • #89590
      sherrybelle
      Participant

      This is the first forum I’ve joined and I feel strangely shy. I’m sixty years old and I’ve survived two abusive relationships. My father was a miner and perhaps a product of the time but he frightened me. He was badtempered and would use a belt or a shoe to punish me for being naughty. I grew up wanting to please him and make him happy. I suspect the seeds of my future were being planted then. Although I vowed I’d never marry someone like my dad sadly I did just that. I’ve read with much pain the experiences here of women and I relate to so much. The aggression and mental cruelty. The sense of despair and ‘no way out’. Eventually I did leave but I left for another controlling man and in the process my husband won custody of my little girl, an experience I’ve never recovered fully from but is now part of my being. My life began in another area and the pattern of abuse began again. I knew too well. I was so ashamed I lived a lie, I felt that this was somehow what I deserved and didn’t want to admit to the mistake I’d made. My partner outwardly was fun and charming he kept his darker behaviour for me only. I had (detail removed by moderator) more children but the relationship went from bad to worse and the children witnessed the most dreadful fights and shouting… I’m truly ashamed of the part I played allowing myself to react to his provocation. Finally, ten years ago I couldn’t cope any more with my inner conflict … I knew I had to escape. My menopause had begun and ‘change of life’ took on a profound meaning. Fortunately a good friend supported me … Without whom I don’t think I’d have made it. I also contacted other friends from my past who came forth with love and support and encouragement. I have a difficult relationship with my (detail removed by moderator) child which I’m working on to repair, thankfully I have good relationships with my (detail removed by moderator) children and have (detail removed by moderator) beautiful grandchildren. I’m very happily married now to a beautiful man who truly respects me and I feel so lucky at this stage of my life to experience what a loving relationship actually is. My confidence is returning and I’m pursuing activities like painting and travelling that I could only before fantasise about. I still have nightmares and I still feel the weight of my personal baggage and I resent the injustice of it all but I’m determined to enjoy this later part of my life.

    • #89592
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi and welcome. It’s a heavy burden we carry but lovely to hear you have some peace and happiness in your life. Good counselling can definitely help with nightmares and the trauma we are left with. I also started a psychology class which gives great insight. I’m estranged from my son which is painful but it’s his choice. He’s an adult and my door is always open for a non abusive relationship when he’s ready to try. They say the best revenge is to go on and have a good life and it sounds like you’ve done that. I too am well on my way x KIP

      • #89594
        sherrybelle
        Participant

        Thank you for your welcome and your wise words. I’m glad you’re in a positive place xx

Viewing 1 reply thread
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content