Hello I’m new :)

[Letsgetreal]

I’ve just left my abusive partner.We’ve been together for nearly (detail removed by moderator) and have got (detail removed by moderator) sons together.Unfortunately the relationship was hell for the last three years really.He’s always been emotionally abusive and controlling, occasionally physically abusive but in recent years things got worse as he also decided to take cocaine quite regularly.He isolated me and kicked off about my work daily.(I lost a few jobs because of him)Every job I got he had something to say.He didn’t want me to have any social contacts.When my boys were invited to kids parties he would kick off as he wouldn’t want me to stay with my boys and talk to other parents.Same with school events like (detail removed by moderator).
I was the perfect victim as my family are abroad and I wasn’t allowed to have friends over here.He would kick off if I wanted to visit my family.But at the same time he was allowed to do whatever he wants.He had a very busy social life while I would sit at home with the children.I asked him to move out several times over the last few years and he would move back to his parents for a bit then come back.Every time he left he would constantly send abusive texts (name calling), threaten me and simply not leave me alone until I took him back.Every time I took him back things got worse.Last year (detail removed by moderator) he threatened me to kill me and that.The next day he kicked my door in and punched me in the face.I’m sure my nose was slightly fractured but I never got it looked at but I can still feel it now.No pain but a slight crack and sunglasses don’t fit anymore.After that we didn’t see each other for (detail removed by moderator) weeks.Police was involved and that but then he stalked me on the school run and begged me to take him back.As usual the false promises blablabla.I made the big mistake and took him back.Very soon things were back to normal.He would put the law down.I wasn’t allowed to wear the clothes I wanted to wear or wear makeup.He didn’t want me to look nice but at the same time he told me I look like ‘a sack of s**t’ by his side.I wanted to lose weight as I put on a few pounds but he didn’t want me to do so.At the same time he would call me a fat c*** daily.He couldn’t stand going to work as he wouldn’t be able to watch my every move.A few months ago he gave his job up.At the same time he didn’t want to be part of family life.He’d rather go to the pub every night.A couple of months ago I had enough.I booked flights to visit my family for (detail removed by moderator) weeks with my kids.When he found out that we are going away for (detail removed by moderator) weeks he kicked off and kicked our frontroom door in, threw a (detail removed by moderator) hoover at me as well as other things that hit me.From that day he would verbally and emotionally abuse me every day until we got on that plane.Then he send me abusive text messages every second of every day well until I blocked him but the kids wanted to talk to him so I occasionally unblocked him and all I got was more name callin…then threats.This time I decided to report him to police as I felt safe abroad.He still had a warrant outstanding from when he kicked the door in (detail removed by moderator).He got arrested while I was still away with the kids but then got out the same night.His bail condition was not to contact me which he did straight away.I was very scared to return to England as he still had keys and he was still living in our flat up until then even though I asked him to move out.Anyway he wasn’t there when I got back but non stop abused me and threatened me ever since in every possible way.The police are looking for him but they can’t find him.

[lover of no contact]

Gosh you’ve been to hell and back. Welcome to the Forum. You will get even stronger than you are now and learn how to deal with the bullies as we are all learning by coming on here. Its great he’s out of your life and at least he’s scared of being caught so looks like he’ll stay away as he doesn’t want to move to his new home…jail.

You’ll also get a chance (by posting on here whenever you need to) to heal from the horrible abuse you’ve gone through by him. You can process what you’ve gone through by reading the posts and sharing.

[Letsgetreal]

Thanks for your comment ‘lover of no contact’.It’s been really hard the last couple of weeks (ever since we got back) as he’s been trying to get in my head and telling me I destroyed our family and how much he loves me.But then he feels betrayed as I got police involved and he can’t understand how I can do that to him and the kids.He told me I killed him.Even though I know I am doing the right thing I feel so lost and lonely and can’t help but cry all day.(not in front of the kids)I don’t think I miss him but I am gutted that I couldn’t give my kids a proper family.I’m just so sad that things didn’t work out.That’s why I tried over and over again but I can’t change him and things will never get better.I’m left to pick up the pieces with the kids as well.My youngest keeps asking for him and said he wished we could be a family of (detail removed by moderator) with daddy not (detail removed by moderator) 🙁
I’m just heart broken

[Anonymous]

Of course you’re heartbroken. But you’re doing the right thing. It sounds like you’ve had a terrible time. It takes a while to feel the benefits of their departure, but you will. I felt so bad when my ex got arrested, but there was no other way. They don’t change no matter what they promise.

[LozzyX]

Hello letsgetreal, welcome.to.the forum

Well done on getting out… Sounds so familiar to.many other accounts shared here.

My husband is a massive (detail removed by moderator) addict but without the social side to it always alone , just alone to “cope” with grief and life – his crutch – whilst I am then his emotional punch bag

Like you I had some awful times and after (detail removed by moderator)of spiralling debts, uncertaintly and nasty moods I did leave but he hounded me and convinced me.he had changed so I went back and now it’s getting worse… Also similar to your experience my husband twisted it and turned it round on me to say how could I have left him , ice.killed him , I’ve caused him to.spiral.further into his addiction and debts therefore I must bare the brunt of his anger anddebts

I don’t have children but I kept in contact over arrangements with our dog and we have a house/mortgage to sort out …but looking back the biggest mistake for.me going back was keeping this contact.. and also when missing him looking back at good times but really they are few. And far between

Hope you can find a way forward without much contact with him – difficult when your family are not in the same country but is it not possible to go through a mediator or friend … He is clearly dangerous and not afraid of the law … You need to keep away … Call the helpline or visit your local woman’s aid for advice on this

Wishing you all the best xx

 

[Escapee]

Hi Letsgetreal 😊

It sounds like you have had an awful time!!

It is sad that they turn out to be big bullys but we have to tell ourselves they were just one big lie.

You have and are being so brave!

Welcome to the forum xx

[Author]

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