Hello … just a quick summary .

[Cloverfield]

So I’ve been with the same partner for almost (detail removed by moderator) yrs. it started as a drunken mistake that I found myself repeating.. into a relationship. I tried to leave at first as he became clingy .. but he cried and begged me not to go. So I kept staying.
In short he became very jealous and controlling .. he became very violent – head butting me.. gritting his teeth & screamed words into my face. He kicked me, pushed me.. accused me of everything when I’d done nothing. I got pregnant almost within a few months making it harder to leave.
At times he was fine … but I gradually stopped wearing make up, skirts and stopped talking to men .. I eventually stopped meeting friends for coffee as everytime he would make it harder and harder – so one day I decided that I would just meet no one, for an easier life.
Over the years he has done nothing but tell me off like a child and even now if he takes me to the shop to buy some food he will mutter things as we walk round … telling me off as I go. Mostly for dawdling, being too slow.. not being like other mothers who are organised. It’s because it’s not in my nature he will say.
Here I am now … (detail removed by moderator) yrs on … I go to work and always come home as soon as I finish … If I get home later than half an hour he will question where I have been … or he will say ‘you’ve been a long time?’ .. I always call him so he knows I’m not up to no good ..if I don’t then he will question that too.
I never meet any friends .. I make his dinner every night which he will either be mad because it’s not cooked properly or mad because he assumes it’s going to be.. if it’s good then he is happy.
He does no housework – I pick up after him ..he tells me he works harder than me even tho I am full time too and I leave before him and I’m back after him..

We live with his dad ..but mostly confined to the bedroom and our daughter has hers .. we can go downstairs but his dad likes to sit in his chair and much like my partner selfishly watch what he wants.

If our daughter goes out and his dad too then it’s a written rule that I have to stay here – sometimes I have gone to go get milk and my partner turns sinister in his voice and makes every reason for me not to go … he would say ‘am I doing it on purpose?’ Going out just because his dad is going’ I say no and stay.. as I am told he will take me to get milk if I wait .. none of this makes sense as I am not mentioning everything .. something I don’t even know how to say.

I’ve realised that no one can help me .. no one but myself (and that’s not looking good) as I have stayed scared for (detail removed by moderator) yrs – now I see that he is manipulating me and using me and controlling every move I make – but it’s like it is all ok to me – I know it isn’t .. but I am fine with it .. (but I know I’m not)
I feel so crazy. I wonder if I make it all up in my head …
The last time I had the courage to ask to go out he threw a (detail removed by moderator) at my head when I returned ..& just because I didn’t msg him the few hours I was gone.

Since then I’m too scared or sick to the stomach to ask to go anywhere.
So I stay put. Whilst he sleeps .. plays online with his friends and to be at his beck and call..
Maybe I’m Being too harsh.
Maybe I am just so wrong. But I do know something isn’t right even tho at times it seems it.
I’m so Lost – I’ve never even ever loved him .. so I am just a huge coward. Still too afraid to hurt his feelings. When I know he maybe doesn’t care about mine.. but that’s me I can’t help it.
I know so many of you are so much worse off.. so I sound so lame ..
I am not a drama queen but when I write this down it feels like it.
Thankyou for reading this .. this is my first post – i am totally new to all this.

[Rubymurray]

I see knowone has replied, are you ok, has anything changed?

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Cloverfield, I’ve just seen your post too, are you okay. Have you been able to contact anyone. I read recently that Boots chemist are a safe place to ask fir help. Ive asked Lloyd’s chemists to do the same, but for now it’s jyst Boots. I hope you’ve managed to Get away from this relationship.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

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