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    • #119881
      True2myself
      Participant

      I called woman’s aid and told them get me out. Social workers got called and more they will be visiting house soon.

      He’s telling me he won’t go to jail cos he will kill himself.

      He is gonna tell them I’m bad. He says I call him named and I’ve caused him to have PTSD. I’ve got PTSD from his abuse.

      I feel scared. Will they take my teenage children. He said he will kill himself and my son was in the room.

      I’m scared they will believe his lies. He believes his own lies. 😭

    • #119887
      maddog
      Participant

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Threats of suicide is a common tactic of abusers.

      He’s blaming you for his behaviour. It looks like a confession. My ex did this a lot and has now started on the children.

      Any suicidal feelings he’s had will have started well before your time. He’s like a small child in an adult body who can drive a car.

      Abusers do believe their own lies. The evidence shows otherwise. Please keep a diary of everything that happens.

      The police should have a Domestic Abuse team on 101 who will be able to guide you. They’re not police officers and you won’t have the police racing round to your house. You shouldn’t be living in fear. It’s worth reporting to the police so it’s on record. Please don’t feel alone.

      You can use your post here as evidence that your partner threatened to kill himself when your son was in the room. You can do this by contacting the moderator.

      Living with a disability doesn’t stop you from being a fantastic mum. Abuse does that. Please don’t allow disability to make you think you’re less than. There may be things you can’t do but there are probably more things that you can do. You have articulated incredibly well your vulnerability, your love for your children and your fear for the future. That’s wonderful.

      • #119891
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you, you have commented on alot of my posts over a long time and I thank you for them all. Your current post made me cry in a nice way. You knew I can’t do certain things but lots I can do. I do sometimes wonder how I will cope without him. I’ve never been an adult without him too so I don’t know about bills and things and how to sort money.

    • #119888
      Hetty
      Participant

      I just want to reassure you that the priority will/should be to get this man out of your home and to sort out a longer term safety plan and support. Social services will want to make safe and then may complete an assessment. In domestic abuse situations that is to get the abuser out of the family home.
      These men say all sorts of stuff. It’s their way of justifying the abuse. I’ve had threats made by my ex to report me. Of course he never did because he knew full well that he’d be exposed for the abusive man that he is.
      He night threaten suicide. That’s more often that not another abusive tactic. You’re not his carer. Most of these men are completely in control of their mental health because they’ve used us for their gains.
      Try not to worry. Services are there to support you. Saying those things where your son is is unacceptable and another reason/evidence why your partner needs to be out xx

      • #119892
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you it’s been long time coming and I’m making peace with that. I’m currently being silent and not talking to him. Social services know he strangled me. They let him stay until they come next week. I wish I knew how it would go, what to expect. He says they aren’t interested in me, only the children

      • #119894
        Hetty
        Participant

        I’m shocked that they haven’t said he should leave. Do you want him to leave? Did they talk to you alone? Xx

      • #119896
        True2myself
        Participant

        Yes they spoke to me and asked me if what I said to woman’s aid was true and I was crying and told them yes and they asked questions then asked to talk to him then the children and I left the room when she spoke to the children so they were free to talk. Then she said to be he has assured her he will leave me alone this weekend

      • #119908
        Cantmakedecisons
        Participant

        Morning, I don’t comment on posts much simply because I don’t feel ‘able’ enough to respond. However I’m so worried reading your post! This is extremely dangerous and I to am shocked that they left you in this situation. I can’t even imagine if they had done that to me, there definitely would have been repercussions for me once they had left, him knowing I had shared our private life. Is there anywhere you can go now? I’m extremely concerned for your safety and your life actually.. you’ve already said he tried to strangle you.

        Please stay safe x

      • #119910
        True2myself
        Participant

        This was all done via phone call. I had enough of him and I left house and called woman’s aid and she got social workers. Since that call her has threatened to kill himself and before (detail removed by Moderator) he said same thing. He’s saying it’s all my fault and I abuse him and he’s gonna tell His truth. I now feel in a battle to be believed cos he is charming and polite. How will they know who’s trying truth. I’ve ignored him since he said that which is really unusual for me. I have nowhere to go. My life when it was good was just the 4 of us against the world. I’m thinking when they come to my house in gonna have to tell everything and if they don’t tell him to leave then I’m worried what he will do that I’ve told it. His attitude just now is if he’s going down for this then he’s lost everything and may as well end his life.

    • #119909
      KIP.
      Participant

      Please contact your local women’s aid for more support here. Strangulation is one step away from death and threats to kill himself in front of your child is child abuse. Have you spoken to the police. They have new powers to remove an abuser from the home. Women’s aid can help with your benefits and housing and you can learn about paying bills. All that is important just now is that you and your children are in danger and you should never have been left with a violent man in your home. The most dangerous time is when a woman ends a relationship. You’re not safe.

      • #119911
        True2myself
        Participant

        Police failed me at (detail removed by Moderator). I don’t think I’ll ever call them again. They told me do not call again it’s petty. My husband said he told police he abused me and the guy came in other room and told me my husband loves me very much and he can see I love him. I was in emotional state. I know hardly anything about adult life and coping so if they help with that I’d like that very much. I just hope they believe me. I’ve posted here for a long time so I guess I have my posts as proof maybe. Since that call his mood is all over the place… Sad… Angry… Defeated. I can’t keep up

    • #119912
      KIP.
      Participant

      I’m sorry to hear that about the police. They used the word love when talking to me about my ex. Ignorant people and you shouldn’t let than put you off. Talk to the domestic abuse unit who have more training. Don’t let your abusers moods confuse you. There is no real depth to them so they simply keep changing until they find a ‘mood’ or tactic that works to get a reaction from you. Disgraceful behaviour from social services. He promised not to strangle you 🙄 jeez some people should change jobs. Keep your phone on you fully charged at all times and ring 999 if you have to.

      • #119917
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you. They said coming early next week so I’m hoping Monday

    • #119922
      KIP.
      Participant

      👍 keep posting for support x

    • #119926
      Hetty
      Participant

      Thais is absolutely shocking. Please don’t think that professionals know best. Some social workers really aren’t equipped to understand and manage these situations. I say that with professional experience working in a similar field. Please tell them what you want to happen and don’t even silenced. A specialist domestic abuse service might be better equipped to support.
      Please be careful. If he tho no a professionals are watching he might try to wind you up so he can have his evidence that you are the abuser. Get back on to them on Monday. If they came yesterday it will be the out of hours team. They will only be looking at making safe in the short term. For whatever stupid reason they thought it would be ok for you all to continue to reside together. Get on to them on Monday and find out who’s going to be dealing with you and get the whole story out. Xx

      • #119930
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you so much. He’s winding he up awful today. He’s sulking like a toddler and saying all that you just said, I’m the bad one, I started it. I never did I promise 😭. It’s my word against his. I’m so exhausted and ill. I’m gonna ask them to get me a Dr to check me over too. I haven’t felt ok in long time.

    • #119934
      maddog
      Participant

      There are lots of organisations to help you build yourself up, make sure you’ve got all the right benefits and to guide you round household bills. It won’t take long to get the hang of it. A good start is Women’s Aid. I’m sorry you’ve had a bad experience with the police. There are bad eggs in every profession. Please don’t let it put you off reaching out.

      Abuse is mind-bending and intended to drive us mad and doubt our every thought and action.

      Victim Support is also helpful and can guide you towards the help you and your family need. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it’s not that of the oncoming train. Keep breathing and keep posting xx

    • #119948
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi True2myself,

      I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through from your partner. I am also very concerned about the police and social services response to the abuse and your safety. Yours and your children’s safety is priority and you have described some very worrying abusive behaviour from your partner.

      I understand you have concerns about contacting the police again but please do call them if you feel at risk at any time, they have a duty to protect you. You can ask for the domestic abuse team. Have you been in contact with your local Women’s Aid since? Please do lean on their support and understanding.

      Keep posting to us when you can to let us know how you are.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa

      • #119951
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you. Yes on (detail removed by Moderator) he started telling me it’s all my fault again and I just couldn’t cope any longer. I went to car and called my link worker and she told me to call my woman’s aid worker and then she contacted social workers. They might come to house (detail removed by Moderator) to do assessment my husband says that’s what he was told. It’s definitely gonna be this week. I hope I don’t lose my children. I need them. Link worker is calling me in morning to see how weekend was.

        He says he can’t handle me calling him names even though he knows why I’m saying it and that’s why he hurts me. His reasons are crazy to me but I don’t know if I’m wrong thinking that. I can’t be terrorised and call him a name? I don’t know anymore

    • #119990
      True2myself
      Participant

      They didn’t come today so maybe tomorrow. Today has been ok but tonight has been hell.
      His mum called and told me to (detail removed by Moderator), I said can’t waiting on social workers, she then asked why and I told her and I said it wasn’t my fault and she says well it is your fault. You told them. 😭 He also says I’ve been coerced into telling social workers by woman’s aid. I said no you done it and I had enough. He’s acting really angry and I don’t know what to do. He’s gonna go for me in that meeting. 😭 he’s shut down and refusing to talk to me and tells me to shut up.

      • #119997
        Lisa
        Main Moderator

        Hi True2myself,

        I am sorry to hear how things are tonight. Did you speak to your Link Worker or Women’s Aid Worker today? Did they contact Social Services again to follow up? Your partner’s behaviour is very unpredictable. I am worried for your safety so please contact the police if you feel at risk.

        Take care,

        Lisa

      • #119998
        True2myself
        Participant

        Yeah I spoke to link worker and she just told me she thought it would always end this way and she’s proud of me. I’m very lucky to have such a good sport around me. He’s gonna throw me under the bus. How can I compete with that. He knows truth but to get him sounding better he’s gonna switch truth. I feel like giving up and not fighting anymore. Hopefully they will come tomorrow and get this over with

    • #120003
      Hetty
      Participant

      Don’t give up. You’ve come this far. You’ve started to tell your truth. It’ll feel so messy and awful but the only way out is through. I’m glad you’ve got good support from your link worker xx

    • #120036
      Cantmakedecisons
      Participant

      Have they been?

      • #120044
        True2myself
        Participant

        Nope. I’ve contacted link worker and she’s gonna chase them up. While day of being ignored. I feel like he’s punishing me. He won’t talk. His way or no way

    • #120107
      True2myself
      Participant

      Still no news 🥺 the longer they take, the more happy he’s getting and the lower I feel which will result in me not feeling brave anymore

      • #120150
        Cantmakedecisons
        Participant

        Just checking your ok?

        This is terrible, I can’t believe they’ve left you there with him!

      • #120153
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you. Yes me too it’s taken me long time to get to this stage and now it’s taking ages. He’s now working on me. He’s also refusing to be a dad cos it will hurt me so the kids suffer cos it gets at me. He’s doing damage to me then going silent and leaving me in turmoil. My brain hurts.

    • #120191
      True2myself
      Participant

      Still no news. I’ll message again when something happens. Thank you all x

    • #120241
      True2myself
      Participant

      All sorted now. Will post update when know more next week

    • #120243
      KIP.
      Participant

      Great. Stay strong x

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