Help

[Josephine]

Hi.. Ive been posting before..many things happened. Ive got a job, became ill, just coming back this week. Its a very physical hard demanding job and Ive got several cronic illnesses. Anyway.. Hes not done much, the one Im with, hes been in his bed or work. (Please see my earlier posts)

Our rental contract soon expires (detail removed by moderator). Im trying the best i can to fix things. We have to pay (detail removed by moderator) months upfront, as he has debt and cant rent normally. I have no debt. My name is clear. He cant even have utilities its that bad, its on me. So hes dependent on me. He cant rent if not upfront, and he wont afford that.

Im in the process of getting my passport now and then after that my own bank account. It will take time time I dont have when it comes to renew. They want (detail removede bymoderator)months upfront. We cant do that as with food and bills. So I will try get a loan. I may or may not get it. What you say my odds are to get it?

Thats the only that stops us from having no place to live. I managed to get a viewing for a private house that cost more than what were in now, but close kinda to here only we would have to travel tram and bus, we could get a car. But no. Hes starting to abuse me again. He didnt want to, saying i use all the money, even my own money, that he never gets anything, no bike, how he walks to work and in pain of it, how im selfish, how hes said it nothing happens, hes blsming me, accusing me, all about money, tells me he doesnt wanna hear where theyre going and on what, ..

Hes never wanted a bike when asked saying as a mantra we dont have any money, even when there is and I ask. Hes in bed or at work, so he cant choose a bike. Im in a no win. Same, £200 a month for each person on food isnt alot. Thats normal. Then, we have bills, necessities. He even blamed me for buying a kitchen table and chairs, said look at that. It was my own money, and needed as ive been sitting on the floors for months and couldnt take it anymore. My own money. He went on and on, abusing me emotionally and mentally to the point i went into the kitchen having to deal with food, where i burst in tears. What hes saying isnt true. And im alone juggling it all, money, shopping, bills, house. He does nothing. Oh he said he didnt want this house. Well it was that or being homeless. What shall i do??
Somewhere deep down i love him and i know he loves me deep down. He came hugged me before walking up, im a christian so i said i was sorry and took the blame, to help tne sit.
What shall i do?

[Josephine]

He said he was livid for how i use the money and take it all. He was just beyond livid he said and hes been beyond livid all time. Yes, anger issues towards his own abusers. Am i im danger? I know, what he said last.. Oh God how can I take away the love?
Shall I look for my own place and just leave him to it? The love prevents me.but im surfing too.. Playing with the thoughts. Or buy my own flat later.

[Josephine]

I feel scared, sad, abused, lonely, not knowing what to do or how it will end, afraid, right now hes in his room throwing up he does that on a regular basis. Its his inner and physical pain. He said to me youd better renew this contract.. Better get them to it.. Is good if we do.. Overhearing everything ive said. Completely. All the time. Twisting it. Not open towards my version that he knows is true. He knows i am coming back to work and must be at my best this week.

[Thisisme]

Do you have anywhere you could go? A friends house? Somewhere with space for you to just think? Think about what you really want, what you really deserve? A space that is safe? Because you don’t sound very safe right now.

[Josephine]

No I dont.. Im heading back to work this week.. My only friend lives (detail removed by moderator)hours away..too far.. I gotta be able to work.. I also have a cat I cant leave with him. Wouldnt been a problem for my friend, but, hes too far away. If ive could do my work from there but i cant.
Dont know if im safe or not?

[Josephine]

Whats he doing, when he say things like he does to me? Whats its called? Os it abuse? Whats he doing? How can i counteract it or within me?

[Lisa]

Hi Josephine,

Please try to find a safe time to phone the helpline to get some support and some safety planning. This man sounds very abusive and he is making you live a very unhappy and compromised existence. It sounds like you have a great opportunity coming up to extract him from your life so please do not feel pressured in to signing any further rental agreements that have him on the rent. It might be a good idea to secretly find somewhere else for you to go and be safe but the helpline and your local Women’s Aid group can talk to you about doing this in a way that is safe for you and not putting you at risk.

We are all here for you so please keep posting.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

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