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    • #30252
      Suspicious1
      Participant

      I divorced my ex just over (detail removed by Moderator) ago, and he’s had contact with the children every other weekend since then, which is something we arranged between us without going through the courts. I’ve had concerns about their welfare over the (detail removed by Moderator) – I’m not worried he’ll be violent to them, but I believe his behaviour is very neglectful and that they are at risk of harm because of it. Recently there seem to have been more incidents.

      Is there *anything* I can do to change the contact arrangements so they are supervised? Can anyone tell me what route I’d need to take?

    • #30268
      Confused123
      Participant

      HI Hun

      YOu can phone the legal line and get guidance on how to change the contact , if u did it through the ocurt u can have an ammendement made to the contact arrangement, or even phone the police and ask to speak to safe guarding, they are brill at giving advice on how to legally change the arangement and even if u think he will do out of court, explain the reasons maybe giving example of incidents or say it is effecting their school hence u r proposing every other weekend instead of every weekend . There is a way out so dont lose hope, i would log your concerns to your gp to so it is on record

    • #30272
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Suspicious 1,

      Please phone the helpline for advice and get some on going support and advice from your local Women’s Aid group. You can also get some great advice from The Rights of Women website (www.row.org.uk). If you arranged your contact without the court involvement it is my understanding that you are not bound to any contact arrangements so you can withhold contact until there is an appropriate court order. I know that the NSPCC can offer good advice too. Please make sure that you document any concerns that you may have and keep any evidence of injuries or neglect. I would suggest speaking to the school and also social services about your concerns as they will help to support you to ensure the children are safe. You could also try to ensure all contact is supervised either by a third party or by a child contact center. I know of cases where the mother has managed to successfully insist that the father completes a parenting course before having contact with the children.

      Good luck and please do phone the helpline and your local Women’s Aid group. They will not tell you what to do but will help you feel more empowered by your options.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa
      Forum Moderator

    • #30274
      Suspicious1
      Participant

      Thank you both. I called a solicitor and the NSPCC this morning, both of whom say some of the activities he’s asking them to be involved in are not age appropriate and not in the interests of their welfare. My solicitor says they can write him a letter outlining this and asking him to stop, but while I’d prefer this route I’m nervous of taking it as he has a history of breaking agreements, even court-ordered ones. She said the other option is to stop contact (which would upset the children but I want them to be safe) and wait for him to apply to the court who may order supervised contact.

      I’ll call the helpline here now and see if I can talk through the options. Thanks again.

    • #30277
      Anon123
      Participant

      I think you can apply to a contact centre yourself -it’s not the ones where it’s one staff to one child but the ones with lots of children going.
      They are free. You can email them and fill in a form.
      That way you wouldn’t have to stop contact but he wouldn’t be totally alone with them.

    • #31206
      Suspicious1
      Participant

      I heard back. He sent my solicitor a long, long letter refuting and minimising all the concerns I raised, and then counter-attacked using complaints(detail removed by moderator). I raised genuine concerns about their welfare, and he brushed it all off, then pointed the finger at me with trivia.

      He also says he does not accept supervised contact is needed so it will have to stay the same as it always has.

      I suppose MIAM and court is the only way forward, but I’m terrified the family court will dismiss it all as a difference in parenting styles.

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