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    • #97783
      Cecile
      Participant

      I hope this helps people on the forum/readers. I was low for some weeks and didn’t even have the confidence to go for a hair cut or wear new clothes I had bought to buoy me up.

      I know a lot of us do journals and I re read mine and saw I had made progress, albeit slowly but it looks like I am in control of things legally. I still felt low and pretty rubbish so I made a list of things that I have done well since birth. I started with learning to walk and talk. An aunt told me I was a pretty baby. I had friends at all the schools I went to. I have had friends everywhere I went until I met the OH. I wrote down many things, even having children, learning to drive. First cycle over ten miles.My friends liked me because….
      Of course my mind kept slowing me down with negatives like ‘yes but you failed your test twice before you passed’ or ‘thats no big deal’ but I recognised then ignored these bad things.

      The rule is that everything you write has to be positive about you.

      At the end I read it back and I felt so good and strong. Its a very simple thing to but for me it’s something I will add to and keep using in the difficult days ahead.So many of us lose sight of our self worth and who we are as part of the abuse. For me this is helping to reclaim it.

    • #97785
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      I can relate to what you’re doing, I too am focusing strongly on my achievements, as a way to build my self esteem back up.

      At my new volunteer work, I get triggered a lot, immensely, it is way too much sometimes, my anxiety hits the roof every single week and I also had some low days but you know what, the fact I get up and get dressed and show up every day is already immense, I get a tap on my shoulder just for that, because I keep going, pulling through, learning to breathe and praying (I’m not religious), being grateful, taking that next step forward. That’s a big achievement.

      I think it really helps to have a goal and keep at it, (my goal is to pull through work until summer), I think there is safety in following a plan, staying on that safe road and follow your plans through thick and thin, self esteem will slowly come back…one day…I’m not sure when but that’s ok. I am already very happy when my anxiety is not taking over my life. When I am just able to breathe normally.

      Here’s to all our achievements 💪🌺
      Sending you hugs 💕

    • #97793
      Cecile
      Participant

      Hi HLJ it is essential to plan.👍helps us take back control of our lives, relationships and identities. You seem so courageous and insightful. What a good idea. You will inspire so many of us. Walk tall and pat yourself on the back, and one from me! One of my kids was ill growing up and missed a lot of school. Had agoraphobia and depression in the end. This kids was encouraged into full time volunteer work and had a rebirth, got social confidence, head held high, and now has a degree and a career, it does more than just help the community.

    • #97817
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Thank you for your kind words Cecile.
      I am so pleased your child made the best out of her/ his life, it shows how one can turn her/his life around after having suffered hardship.

      Sun is shining here, birds chattering, it’s peaceful. Spring is on its way 🌸🌼🌺
      Wishing you a wonderful day

    • #97828
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Love this; I’m going to do this C, really feeling the need ‘right now’, have been feeling gawd I’ve made a mess of my life; I have failed quite spectacularly; used to have a job I loved, a great salary, financial security, lovely holidays – I can’t quite believe how much he has impacted on me, things and everything and the saddest fact of all – for how long; it’s taken me, us years to break free completely. Like you I think I am almost there legally; but it’s left me with so much to rebuild and repair some days I feel sunk before the day has even started. So much mess to sort out, my home, my finances, my child’s mental health and my health; can feel pretty low and I can feel this creeping in and up behind me again, thoughst and feelings like wouldnt it be good if I could just close my eyes and not wake up. I’d like to shut my door and the entire world out and never leave my home again.

      But I know I at heart I am a true survivor and I take much much pleasure from the simple things in life, so I will deal with it, do what I need to do, remove the pressures, rest when I need, focus on the here and now, day by day. One thing that hasn’t changed though is that I have my friends and family around me, I’ve let some of these go, and feel better for it, and let others in more so and also now feel better for this as well; so really looking forward to the days now where we can simply just enjoy life and time together – with no him in our conversations needed.

      All three of us have come such a long way, HLJ you are working! Huge! I cant do this – yet. You women ispire me a great deal, yes we have our low times, struggles, triggers that feel like they send us right back to the start, but they don’t do they, we are here, stronger and wiser, with each other, willing one another along, surely the law of probability applies here, if we keep going then one day we will feel the peace and contentment we’re all aiming for – well that is my hope. Cheers C x

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