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Evening all.
I have had a really bad day. Left him roughly (detail removed by Moderator) days ago. But still in contact.
He wants me to go over (detail removed by Moderator) and stay then return with my kids (detail removed by Moderator) ( there not his kids) they do not want to go back.
I am staying at my parents and my mum and dad will never let my kids go back so he causingredients a family bust up.
Imy just not strong enough to cutilise contact and not go back. On new years eve he might sleep with somebody else if I end it before new year.
I just can’t stand this i feel sof tierd and I’ll.
This is he’ll on earth he wants me to go and spend the night (detail removed by Moderator) and I know it will be lovely he will pull out all the stops.
Love you all. -
Letsgetout,
Glad you reached out for help on here. The stage you’re going through at the moment is really hard not to act upon. The cravings for them and the longing is so hard. But contact with him will just set you up to be hurt again. He wants contact so he can get you close to him (yes he’ll pull out all the stops if necessary) so he can emotionally smack you again.
Head over heart.
Don’t act on your feelings of wanting to see him. They will pass and you’ll be so glad you didn’t act on them.
Keep posting and reading the posts for strength not to give into his and your feelings demands to see him.
Can you block him on all levels so he can’t issue you with any demands/invitations to see him.
Contact with him strengths him and weakens you but No Contact with him will strengthen you.
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Hi there, any time you’re feeling you’re not strong enough to resist seeing/ speaking to him, contact us on here or phone a friend or go for a walk but leave your phone at home. You’re craving him just now, it’s literally withdrawal symptoms,it will pass. I’ve been with my husband for over 2 decades, I don’t love him anymore, I know our relationship is toxic to me, yet if I knew he was sleeping with someone else I’d be gutted, yet I find it increasingly difficult to sleep with him now too. I yearn for the man I fell in love with but he’s not around anymore. Instead I have a foul mouthed misogynistic argumentative aggressive man in his place.
It will work our, it just takes time. Some days it’s literally baby steps.
IWMB đź’•đź’•
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Will it be lovely really? Or in the back of your mind will you be waiting for the next bit of abuse, in whatever form?
Focus on how nice it will be to totally relax, safely, out of the reach of that abuse. Out of the reach of that abuser.
I imagine your mind must be spinning if you’re counting in days, no wonder you feel so tired. Think also about what you’ll be able to do when energy and vitality start to return, even in small amounts. How great it will be to do something fun with the children with just that teeny bit of extra enthusiasm. Even if it’s only jumping in puddles.
Keep posting and reading, there’s lots of very wise ladies here who will support you through this.
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Hi Letsgetout
He’s using you, playing with your mind and messing with your emotions. Your parents are right, dont damage your kids any more.
If he sleeps with someone else on New Years Eve then he doesn’t think much of you. Personally I would be delighted if my other half slept with someone else as I know he would have someone new to feed his ego and give him attention, then the abuse would be minimal at my end. I hope that last statement doesn’t upset you more, its the way they think.
Start to love yourself, you’re stronger than you think, you deserve better, finding life and love shouldn’t be a battle. xx -
Hi Letsgetout,
Your feelings are normal for this situation; it can be extremely difficult to stop contact with an abuser. When you feel able to it is crucial that you stop phone contact, because at the moment he is continuing his control and abuse in this way. But that’s the next step, and you will only do it when you can, whenever that may be. It’s not uncommon for survivors to return to abusers, for lots of understandable reasons. However the cycle of abuse will always continue. Whatever happens, there’s support for you here.
Keep posting when you can,
Lisa
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Letsgetout, stay strong and don’t take that step back, because that’s what it would be and you wouldn’t really be left feeling better after returning because it wouldn’t be real or long lasting. You are worth more than that,you need to remind yourself of all the reasons why you left, and stay strong. He’s just trying to reel you back under his control.
Sending you strength to help you stay out
X x x
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