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What do you guys do to help yourselves feel better when your heart is breaking? Those times when it hurts so much you just don’t know what to do? I’m struggling 🙁
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At my lowest (the first week when the police took him away) i made a seven day plan to meet up with the majority of my friends, by the end of the week i was exhausted and they were probably broken listening to me! but it really helped to talk and also to be reassured everything was going to be ok. The battle for me was not being able to eat, the constant knot in my stomach did not help. Sleeping was a problem too because i was waking up feeling anxious. So having a heavy schedule booked up meant i was so shattered i did eventually sleep like a baby. My anxiety did get a bit worse into the coming months (probably due to having to deal with him) but i started to walk a lot (my daughter was still in a buggy) we would go to the seaside – which is a place i feel is really calming. I wish i had known a little bit more about mindfulness and concentrating on the here and now. i use this alot when my anxiety surfaces and it does distract me. Landy i know those feelings your describing so well, not knowing where to turn. it think what im trying to say is stay busy and try to distract yourself in the beginning. Rest when your anxiety lulls. Everything will fall in to place eventually for you. believe in yourself that youll be ok. were here to support you if thats any consolation xx take care and be kind to yourself luv diy mum x*x
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Hi Landy
I am in a similar position and last weekend I had a weak moment and thought I couldn’t do it because it hurt so much. I couldn’t stop crying and I didn’t know I could cry so much.
I had no plans last weekend and I have learnt from that, it’s definitely wise to keep busy.
I am spending this weekend on my own and I will go for a walk or to the shops, anything to just do the things I love, for me, when I want.
I really hope you are ok. I did also spend a lot of time reading pages and pages of post on here and that helped me get back to remembering why I am going through the heartbreak.
I dont have wise words or experience to share but the amazing ladies on here do so keep posting and do remember you are amazing and you will be ok. Sending hugs xxxx -
Crying my eyes out until I’m dehydrated. It sounds silly but it works and feel better afterwards each time. I hug my teddy-bear very tightly and tell him my sorrows and tell him we are going to be ok you’ll see.
After crying I treat myself like a queen, do relaxing things like watching a feel good movie and eat ice-cream.
Take it very easy today darling.
I send you a big big hug and lost of love 💕🌸🌼 -
Please be kind to yourself. Keep telling yourself positive mantras. No amount of loving him will ever stop the abuse. It will just destroy you quicker. It’s not a reflection on you or your self worth. These men are parasites. Try to distract yourself with a favourite place, movie, friend, ring the Samaritans and talk it through. They are great listeners. Just know that these feelings will pass x
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Hi Landy, it’s rubbish when we feel like this, nothing seems to lift that feeling. It’s trying to keep busy, trying to distract yourself, that really is the hardest thing to do at times. I guess it’s all part of this b****y journey, thank goodness for this forum. The ladies on here are the only ones I can really open up to. How’s your house looking, have you managed to get any more work done on it. It really is early days yet, I hope you feel better soon.
Big hugs to you. You, yourself have been such an inspiration to many of us, don’t feel bad about feeling bad.
Best wishes
IWMB 💕💕 -
Landy
I completely agree with everything the ladies have posted on here. They have mentioned all the things that I do when I’m struggling.
Also I write in a (secure) journal. That helps.
Remember that this low phase won’t last forever. I have had a few steady weeks but I am now struggling like you, feel indescribably sad and lost, half tempted to let him back.
We have to remember that this feeling does pass, we do start to feel stronger again.
Like Heasvheart I find time on my own the toughest (even though when I’m not alone all I want is some peace) and I am working on trying to do nice things for myself during that time. A walk, a film, maybe some yoga or meditation.
I know the two temptations I give in to to make me feel better – shopping and eating. But those things are better than taking him back so if I have to shop and eat I will do so.
You are so strong, your posts help so many of us. Try not to beat yourself up for feeling so unhappy. It is natural and it will pass and we are all here for you. Xx -
Thank you all. I’m keeping busy. I’m convinced there’s a “baby sitting” rota amongst friends and family. But the days are hard. I have a desk job so lots of time alone in my head. And I’m not sleeping. I’m exhausted and fall asleep in no time, but never for long.
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Landy I think you are doing fantastic and will be a real inspiration of not bowing to the huge pressure to back down. That huge awful bout of feelings will pass. The only way out is to go through them. ‘One day at a Time’ mantra helps me. Also I have started to do a gratitude list so I can train my mind to focus on the positive. I hate doing them and find it sooo hard when going through horrible overwhelming feelings but eventually the magic of gratitude starts to work on me even if I have to force it at first and do it through gritted teeth.
Keep going and you will be such an inspiration for all those who feel like backing down and not letting their abuser face the consequences of their actions.
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Hey Landy, so sorry to read you are feeling this way, heartbreak sucks for sure.
I take myself off on my own somewhere, to be with my thoughts, pain and tears, I do what I need to do until it eases, it kind of feels like it’s worked up and out and through my system and that I’m ready to do something else when I’m done. I think it’s important to feel it, listen to it, reflect.
But if it feels unbareable then I’d call a friend to be with to help me through it x
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