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    • #6171
      Bella
      Participant

      hi, I’m new to this, I have been in a relationship for a number of years but now my ex-partner is on remand and has been since I went to the police. I have lots of mixed up feelings, I know it is the right thing to do to see it through to court, but I have been getting messages from his mum stating how she isn’t coping without him, I have no heart or compassion.
      My ex abused my son physically by hitting and kicking, with my daughter the abuse was more emotional and verbal and myself physical and emotional.
      I am now being threatened by his mother that he will find a way “pay me back good,” I think this may involve trying to get me in to trouble at work. I could end up being suspended pending investigation even though it will be lies.
      I am so tired and worried, on one side I want to withdraw my statement, but on the other I know that I will loose police protection and support. I’m so confused and tired.
      I have now asked his family to stop messaging, at this she became angry. Will following things through be worth it. I know I have too for my children but there seems to be so many others getting hurt through it, and will I be able to stop him from hurting us anymore?

    • #6184
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      really sad that you are receiving emotional pressure from his mother on top of everything else you have to deal with, and its courageous of you to have got to this point and to post about it!

      I’d deal with it all legally, and cut communication with her verbally. Anything written like these threats should be reported, even the verbal threats should be reported too. Maybe you could speak to work about the mess to someone you feel will deal with it responsibly and have your back should there be any backlash?

      Better they know up front and will be able to view it in the way it actually is, rather than await possible repercussions. They will appreciate the warning i’m sure, and you will be able to relax, and perhaps found yourself some additional support in the process?

      Keep the messages and pass them to police and sounds like its impossible to engage with her, she wants one thing and you are not going to be giving that so no point in going round in circles?

      I think the main thing i can see from your situation, is that HE is actually causing the hurt, whereas you are trying to protect, they are very different things, but i know and have felt/do feel the way you do as it does feel like that when everyone tells you that! just try to remember that you wouldn’t have to do anything to protect yourself and your children if he wasn’t the abuser he is? That his mother is protecting her abusive son and not her DIL and her own grandchildren from him??? She does not see what you have been through perhaps, or refuses to, and this is certainly not about her and what losing her son is doing to her, thats not your concern, she needs to see that he is the cause, not you, but its easier to blame you isn’t it.

      Muster all the support for yourself you can to keep strong through this very dificult time and just keep reporting everything. Stepping back from them all and leaving them to it will give you headspace. If you have a police officer involved then i would forward all messages to them. Court will view his threats via his mother very dimly! and it will strengthen your case against him.

      Hold strong, get your own supports to detach from their c**p! We’re all here for you, keep posting and let us know how you get on. I’m sure you’ll get lots of support here.

      warmest wishes KS

    • #6490
      Bella
      Participant

      Many thanks, Karmasister. Your so right. I’ve blocked her number, (gone cold turkey), spoken to a very nice police officer and work are a great support.
      Sometimes when things look bleak, you don’t always need to look far for help.
      Many many thanks to all you lovely strong ladies out there, posting your stories made me realise I’m not alone.
      lets see what happens in the new year, and the court case ‘Eeeek’.

      All my love xx

    • #6556
      White Rose
      Participant

      Well done for blocking.
      Keep strong and don’t be put off progressing the case. You and your children have been hurt in many ways by this man and it’s right his deeds are dealt with.
      I suspect the attempts from his family to stop you going ahead will intensify but keep police in the loop at all times. They’ll guide you and support you.
      Thinking of you

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