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    • #102924

      Hello lovely ladies! Has anybody had any experience of divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour if their spouse has responded denying it or lying and counter-suing? My husband will never apologise for wrong doings, but turns things round and blames me. It seems in his mind that the argument / denial starts when I dare to answer back or stick up for myself when he’s done something really unacceptable and overstepped my boundaries. He also refuses to touch me anymore. He has ED but denies it therefore won’t get help. I’m actually not wanting him to touch me anymore anyway now but over the years this has hurt me terribly. This will be one of the other areas I will site him on. I’ve not that much spare money for solicitors fees if he decides to fight the divorce and no doubt torture me further and I’ll have to stay in the marital home whilst it goes through which is difficult. We are just about on speaking terms but I’ve lost any last shred of respect for him now and want out. I’ve been in this position 4 or 5 times before but have been subject to the hoovering that is part of an abuser’s tactics on each occasion. I’m over (detail removed by moderator) and have been married for (detail removed by moderator).
      What are people’s thoughts on this. Can anybody help clarify anything with regards to the divorce. I’m not even sure if his abusive behaviour is coercive as I’m unclear on this area. I’m so afraid of going down this path.Thanks in anticipation.

    • #102931

      Hi Booboo777, I just started this process myself. I’ve found a lawyer experienced in domestic abuse, so that would be your first step. The first lawyer I spoke to gave rotten advice as I’m finding out.

      I’m fairly sure my husband won’t respond to the petition, he’ll just ignore it. She said the next step would then be to go to the court with my evidence of abuse (physical financial and emotional, of which I have evidence). She seems to think they’re able to speed things up in this climate via email and she’s sure I have a case where it will be granted if he doesn’t respond. I do have a complex case involving 2 countries.

      You can normally get a phone consultation for free so discuss it with them first and be sure ask about their experience with domestic abuse cases as its really important. Good luck xx

    • #102934

      You can get the ball rolling with unreasonable behaviour and if he counter sues then that’s okay because in effect he’s agreeing to the divorce. I went to a solicitor and told her it was important to me that I divorce him but in the end all that matters is you getting away from him. The divorce is just a piece of paper. I’d be more concerned about finances because he will Take the shirt off your back if you let him. Start gathering financial info. Bank statements etc. Get all your ducks in a row before you tackle this. It’s not a good idea to be ending the relationship while still living together. It’s dangerous. Get women’s aid to help you with a safe exit plan.

    • #102935

      Thank you KIP and HonkyDory for taking the time to advise me. There’s no short cuts to this and I know I’ve probably got a bit of a long road ahead but you have to start somewhere if you want to find peace and boy, do we need peace. 💗

    • #102936

      It’s a slog but you’re going in the right direction and life is so much better once you are out. Just be careful as KIP says it’s really dangerous when you’re ready to leave and they become aware. X

    • #103008

      Thank you HunkyDory. I have found a solicitor who specialises in abuse. The thing is I saw her (detail removed by moderator) ago, the petition was sent to him but I opted out in the end as I got sucked back in (not for the first time I might add) so I can pick up where I left off apparently for a fee). I’m not sure how long it will all take but thanks to you ladies and other helpers and family members I feel a lot more confident about it now. I need to remain strong and remember something someone said to me. “Never settle for a relationship you wouldn’t want for your children / grandchildren.” This has had quite a profound effect on me and I will repeat it to myself in moments of weakness. I hope all goes well for you.


    • #110458

      My solicitor initially said I had ample grounds for unreasonable behaviour but that it would (detail removed by Moderator) increase my costs in the long run.
      So I am now proceeding to get a minute of separation in Place that divides the assets which means I can then get a “quickie” divorce after a year if he agrees or after 2 years if he doesn’t.
      The finances have to be sorted out either route. I don’t know if he will be reasonable or not – so far he is showing signs ridiculous entitlement but at least we are living apart with minimal contact x

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