Help when im still here

[Liquorice]

There must be something, between disclosing to the police and him being arrested, or just staying here and carrying on, something, anything, because i cant leave him i just cant, but i cant do this anymore either x

[Lisa]

Hello Liquorice,

I am sorry that you are having a really difficult time. Please do try to find a safe time to phone the helpline so that they can talk to you about all your options. You could get support from your local Women’s Aid group or you could even reconsider going in to a refuge.

You deserve to be free and happy. Please try the helpline and let us know how you get on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Iwantmeback]

Hi liquorice, i feel your pain i really do. Ive not involved the police but im in such a dark place again. It’s always the little thing that trigger him off. I really wish it was all over thst i was all over. I dread him retiring irs not fir years yet but not that far away either, the way time flies. I’m crying by as i write this. It just feels so bl..dy hopeless
IWMB 💕💕

[Anonymous]

Hello to you both💕💕you’ll get there stay strong. I waited until something gave that was my escape. I wish now I had left sooner so that I could have had longer to be free. What’s holding you back. For me it was fear of being alone xx probably because he isolated me. Dig deep and work out your reasons for staying then if you can try to address them. I know it’s not easy and when we feel weak it’s probably better to take those wee baby steps xxxx 💕💕big hugs to you both and here for you xxxxx ☺

[Anabela]

Hello.. I so understand how you are feeling and what you are going through. And I felt the same. That I knew I was treated badly but I could not just leave him. For many reasons. From fear to what he might do to me or himself to loving him too much. And I was fearful of police until I involved them. If not for them, I would probably still be with him. I see it as a journey from realization that it is not my fault, accepting that my relationship is abusive, admitting that good times are just part of a cycle and not meant to last, distancing myself from him emotionally while being with him and creating some sort of life outside the relationship (work, friends, sport activities) to finally gaining my courage to leave him for good. Everything consisted of small baby steps (sometimes making one step forward and ten steps back) but I did manage to leave when I thought I would never be able to.
I wish strength to you both. My main advise is: talk about it, read about it and take baby steps.

[Liquorice]

Thankyou ladies, i have tried baby steps as suggested,attempting to distance myself emotionally from him to get a bit of breathing/thinking space butif anyyhing goes wrong or upsets me i feel i need a hug from him, i just dont understand, how can he make me feel so sad and scared one minute but be the one that makes everyrhing better at other times.

[Liquorice]

Have also tried reading but ifeel the stuff i read is so extreme and makes me think our situation isnt that bad and im making seem worse than it is amd wasting peoples time if i talk about it?

[Iwantmeback]

Hi liquorice, i get that feeling too. When things are tough and you’ve had a s..t day, he’s the one you turn to for a hug. I’ve been distancing myself for so long now, that i can give him a hug when he asks for one, as i would a child who’s hurt themselves but i can’t get him to give me one now, no matter what had happened. We still have sexual relations(very few and far between, menopause is a wonderful excuse😏), but i feel nothing, which considering how we were, that’s really very sad) I’m finding kissing him really difficult now, a peck is manageable, anything else i want to run away. He keeps asking me, don’t you love me anymore, to which i usually say, of course i do. But sometimes, sometimes part of the truth comes out. I’m finding im having more and more wee Freudian slips, putting out with him not here.
Have you read about trauma bonding. It’s to do with a chemical release in our brains. The SAME chemical is responsible for making us feel good as it is regarding the fear(fight/flight response) he makes us feel. No wonder we are confused 🤨

Keep posting, keep reading you’ll get there. Three ladies have left their partners since i first posted on here💜 it just takes time and that light bulb moment.

IWMB 💕💕

[Eve1]

It’s so difficult to be where you are. Definitely try for some support, the helpline or local Women’s Aid. I did that and it really helped me to get my feelings straight. Definitely read about Trauma Bonding.

If there’s any chance to get yourself a bit of calm space, take a bit of time out, take it.

Hugs to you
xx

[KIP.]

They make us feel like we couldn’t survive without them. They make us feel like they are our knights in shining armour. When actually what they do is cause our pain in the first place then act like they are our hero for making it stop. It’s mind blowing brain washing. There is nothing safe about that man. But your brain won’t let you accept it. Such is the terrible reality of abuse. One day you will be strong enough but you need help meantime. Keep reaching out. You cannot stay with him and be free and safe. If you do t have the strength to break free then the police and courts are there to help you. In the end they took it out of my control and he was arrested. It sounds drastic but otherwise it would have destroyed me. Keep talking, keep reaching out. He has proved he cannot look after you. Time for you to look after yourself x you can do this. There is a good safe life out there for you. You deserve better

[Author]

Posts