Helpful Books

[Janedoeissad]

I have done the freedom programme and I am currently unable to afford counselling and the waiting list for the area I live in is unbelievable.

So I wondered if anyone could recommend any books related to self worth, boundary setting and self esteem I could read which would be helpful. I feel like I’ve come a long way but I also feel like I have written off men altogether as I am too frightened I will miss the warning signs or give in to someone as I don’t feel I am worth a proper healthy relationship. I also seem to be chasing toxic friendships which are not worth my time.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to have a look for the book I’ve got at home. I do hope that if you want, you get the confidence to find a new man.

I’m completely off men, and am just focusing on healing myself. I don’t think I could cope with having a man, given the flashbacks I keep having.

[lover of no contact]

“Why men love b*****s” and “why men marry b*****s” by Sheryl Argov are 2 books I love. They are light and humorous and great for boundary setting.

Also “He’s just not that into you” by Greg Berength (think that’s the spelling). Also another funny one but helps us nice girls when dealing with men/people who are not so nice or have a different intent to the one they are portraying.

[Anonymous]

I’ve got Trauma and Recovery by Judith Lewis Herman. Its a bit heavy going, but I’ve found it useful.

[Janedoeissad]

Thank you so much for the suggestions ladies, I will try all of these.

[Yellowflower]

Why does he do that and when dad hurts mom both by Lundy Bancroft I can highly recommend. Living with the dominator and also a good one. X*x

[Anonymous]

My only problem with these books is when I read, I can’t pretend it hasn’t happened. Be prepared for some emotions. I think its good for you, even if a bit scary.

[SunshineRainflower]

I second the Lundy Bancroft book it’s brilliant.

I recommend Psychopath Free by Jackson Mckenzie.
Also Boundaries after a pathological relationship is thin but helpful.

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

Interesingly all three of these books are written by men who totally get the abuse dynamic. Lundy and Gavin make it clear at the beginning how these crimes are mostly committed by men against women. With so much denial and misogyny going around it’s wonderfully refreshing to see men stating facts like that and writing books to help women recognise and avoid the abusers.

I feel the same way about men, still feel v negative about them and anxious they are lying and abusive underneath. Hopefully one day we’ll feel more able to spot and avoid all abusers as our awareness and self esteem improves. It takes time.

[Seeingclearly]

I found Lundy Bancroft’s book “why does he do that?” incredibly helpful and enlightening. It’s very well written and laid out clearly so that you can read it all or dip into the most relevant sections for you. It’s a real eye-opener. He has no sympathy whatsoever for abusers, and he never blames their victims. So while he does not deal directly with personal development, the validation that he brings to women is empowering.

I have also just started reading ‘Out of the Fog: moving from confusion to clarity after n**********c abuse’ by Dana Morningstar. I am finding it very helpful so far as she lays out what is normal and what isn’t normal in relationships, and she looks at the impact of what is abnormal. It’s reassuring to read that you response to abuse is a normal one, and that you are not losing your mind!

[Janedoeissad]

Thank you all for your repsonses! I have read “why does he do that” and it was great for when I was still with my Ex (I read it on my phone so he didn’t know).

I will definitely give the other books a go though!

[Author]

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