Her gone but keeps visiting

[Woollymammal]

Well I’ve done it.. I was scared and everyone was worried he’d be violent and so was I.
Trouble is I had to go onto hospital with (Detail removed by moderator).. he’s been coming back and fourth saying he will help me even said when I go away he’ll come and stay in the house and look after the dogs… I don’t want him too.. I don’t want to involve the police but why is he bring so nice? I want to get on with my life and go where i want to.. but he wants to know things still .. I feel like I’m still under his control..

Xx

[KIP.]

Zero contact is the way forward. You’re right about feeling under his control. That’s exactly what he wants to continue. The violence comes when he loses that control. Be very careful.

[Woollymammal]

Thank you kip.. that’s what I’m scared of telling him.. I keep trying but he’s not listening.. he changed the other day when he realised I have applied for universal credit to help pay the rent…
This is only the 1st step..

Xx

[MsTaken]

It doesn’t sound like its dawned on him yet that your serious. Well done for starting the process. Stick with it but if he does scare you at all ring the police. I know your don’t want to but your safety is top priority X

[Woollymammal]

I don’t think it has…probably because I left and came back three times… not looking forward to the realisation.. I don’t think my daughter’s are happy with me.. my youngest daughter even text him to see how he was coping… she never asked me though.. he told me she’s sent a weird text and I said why.. them he said shed asked how he was coping..

Xx

[MsTaken]

It’s hard for children to understand. And it’s hard for us mums to watch our children worry about a person who has hurt us so much. After I left my ex used to message my kids saying he was ill from crying and that he was going to events that they were missing because they were with me. My children never told me but I could see the change in their emotions after receiving the messages so I looked at their phones whilst they were asleep. After talking to the authorities about it I say my kids down and said I noticed a change in their behavior after getting the messages. They said they were worried about their dad. I said that it’s OK to worry because you love him but he is a grown man that is upset at the minute and eventually he will be OK. I think it’s hard for kids to know what they should do in this situation. Your daughter will worry about you too she might just show it in different ways. I thought my kids preferred him over me for a couple of years but then I found out he was playing the victim to them alot whilst I was trying to be the strong one. And my ex used to tell me what the kids were saying to him when they were worried but I soon learned that was a tactic to make me doubt myself and to make me feel that I wasn’t as close to my kids as he was. Have you seen the text? He could be lying

[Woollymammal]

Hi Mstaken.. thank you for replying… makes me upset and angry… it may sound wrong to some but I found myself searching for love .. I had been texting someone weeks before I told him to go.. To me he abused any love I did have for him.. I am taking it slowly and wisely and I believe there could be a good relationship starting… I am being judged by my family and especially my daughter’s for wanting love and meeting someone.. but to me my relationship ended with my abusive husband yrs ago… I was just stuck… they said they’ve got to take time because he had been their step dad and grandad for yrs .. but dint you think they would be happy I’m out of this abusive relationship.. maybe found someone to care and love… but all I see is that I’m in the wrong..
I’m sorry your current continued to suffer at the hands of their abusive dad… even when you get out tbey are still the victims.. . And still find a way to control you.
. He still keeps texting, phoning.. coming round.. I’ve now got the key off him.. I just want him to leave me alone…

Xx

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