This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Lisa 2 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #99673
     Goingthroughit 
    Participant

    Ok so he was helping me this week coz I’ve been ever so unwell and he’s been do sleeping with the little one
    Now I think because I’ve reminded him we’re not together because he has divorced me islamically (saying I divorce you 3 times counts as a divorce) thank god
    He has turned nasty saying things like I’m taking all the food I have bought whilst I been there which is a lot because of the current situation (corona virus) but I said that’s fine we don’t need your food I have a big support network and if u wanna take food from your child that’s your problem
    He said I’ll be a w***e just like I was when he met me which is not the case I have a few ex’s nothing out of the ordinary and just being really nasty saying he has a new partner and she feels sorry for me and will look after my little one and he will take me to court why is he doing this I have not done one wrong thing but I do stick up for myself which I think is making matters worse I feel to blame because I asked him for help because stupid me was missing him and feeling sorry for him and blaming myself
    Please tell me what I should do and how to avoid conflict

  • #99680
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    Firstly, glad you’re starting to feel better. You can’t avoid conflict because they move the goal posts and always find something to have a go at you about, you are always in the wrong whatever it is; the only way to avoid conflict is to go no contact. If you have to have comms for a child then maybe have a look at the Our Family Wizard app; or put all comms and pick ups and collections through a relative. Hopefully, if he doesn’t have access to you, eventually he will get bored and move on; he gets his kicks from causing you distress, so the more distance you can get the better x

    • #99681
       Goingthroughit 
      Participant

      Yeah I really need to go no contact
      He actually came home and took all the food he bought and a few other bits like shower gel because he bought a lot in case we couldn’t get things how can he do that fine don’t feed me but your child and he blamed me he actually found a way to blame me I’m not talking to him I am now ignoring him but I need to stay on here and speak to people because I am such a soft person I’m actually blaming myself thinking I must have really hurt his feelings for him to do that I’m ever so weak and all this illness has made my panic attacks come back right now I’m in such a terrible state of mind I can’t breath but I recognise it as anxiety not the virus
      I’ve deleted all mews apps in my phone because it does my mental health no good I’m petrified of my child becoming sick I think this will be a real test for me
      I’m not suicidal or anything but this will either make me or brake me
      Why the hell cant I be cold hearted like him
      Sorry for the rant I have nobody else

  • #99683
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Don’t think of it as sort hearted you need to think of self preservation. While your head is taken up with his abuse you can’t be the best mum, friend, daughter etc. Think of the aircraft when they say in an emergency you put your own oxygen mask on first. That’s because unless your safe you cannot help others. This is where zero contact comes in. If you have a good support network then use them not him. Any access he has to you he sees as a chance to abuse you. To vent on you. To bully, confuse, belittle, blame, rage. Why allow that to happen. He walks away happy having abused you and you’re left sick and traumatised and no use to yourself or family or child. Time to get him out and keep him out. Phone your support network and get it in place.these men are cruel beyond belief. To take the food from your child’s mouth is beyond cruel. And he’s doing it purely because he enjoys seeing you distressed. Don’t give him the satisfaction. Zero contact….

  • #99698
     Lisa 
    Main Moderator

    Hi there Goingthroughit, it is really important that you remember you aren’t to blame. He is choosing to behave in this way. You needed support to help look after your child as you are unwell but unfortunately he is using this against you. It is very cruel of him to take the food and essential items you need for you and your child.

    You contact access some support from Women’s Aid through the Live Chat. If you need to talk about how you are feeling you can contact Samaritans at any time on 116 123.

    Best wishes

    Lisa

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