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    • #117484
      Freedom111
      Participant

      (Detail removed by moderator).
      At first I felt relieved but now I am wracked with guilt. I can’t help but feel awful about his life and business possibly being ruined.

      I know it’s his own fault and he brought this all on himself but I still feel awful. I think I’m also feeling really sad that he’s gone, we aren’t together anymore, I didn’t want to stay together it’s just the break up and being on my own. Without him, the good bits. I know the bad bits far outweigh the good and I don’t want to be in that situation anymore but I’m just finding it hard.

    • #117485
      KIP.
      Participant

      It’s normal to feel this way. They brain wash and programme us with guilt. That’s why we keep quiet about their abuse for so long but we are not responsible for them. I’m sure you have given him chance after chance. They are adults with choices and you can bet he won’t be feeling any guilt about his behaviour. I felt sorry for my ex too when he was arrested but then once again he showed his true colours. Denying everything and counter accusing me of abuse. So please save your energy for yourself because you will need it. It’s also normal to miss the good bits of which I’m sure there were many. Again it’s how they keep us hooked in. Just take care of yourself. Makes sure you eat and drink and get plenty rest when you can. Talk to your local women’s aid for support. Victim support are great too. You can ask for a police marker on your home and your phone. And please report any further contact from him to the police. It’s an anxious time but it’s out of your hands now so try to distract yourself. Mindfulness, go for a walk, watch a favourite movie. You have the right to be kept updated too so if you’re concerned then ring the officer involved in your case. You did the right thing x

    • #117489
      Same-again
      Participant

      I did too, feel guilty. That’s because we’re fundamentally nice people who’ve been left with no option. It is a choice and he chose to abuse you because he felt entitled to do so. They also think (alas they are often right) that there would be no sanctions.

      He will be blaming you trust me. Mine did/has. They are predictable as you say KIP.

      x*x

    • #117554
      Freedom111
      Participant

      I know I shouldn’t feel bad and I have no doubts that he’s hating me right now but I am struggling so much. I hate the thought of him being put away. He’s been remanded and I can’t even think about it it makes me feel sick I feel awful.

      I’m so anxious, I feel really low I’m feeling shaky a lot and disassociated. I constantly feel like I’m in a day dream. I have talking therapy starting at some point but there’s a waiting list and it could take weeks. I don’t know how long I can wait as I just feel really c**p. I’m so sad and want to cry all the time. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I have no energy or motivation. 🙁

    • #117558
      Watersprite
      Participant

      He’s been remanded because he is a danger to you and to society. You’ve done amazing! I know it feels c**p and it is but you will get through this and feel safe and you do have a future without him to step into – baby steps. Speak to GP and womens aid. Do something simple and distracting a bath,
      light a candle watch something on TV something that you choose – because you can! x

    • #117562
      Freedom111
      Participant

      Thankyou. I just wish this wasn’t so hard, I feel like a zombie when at home, I can’t do anything. I don’t want to go out I’m noticing I’m shaking/trembling whilst out around people. I’m worried about being in certain places or area in case I see someone who knows him. I just want to hide away. I only have one person I can talk to about it all properly but I don’t want to keep bombarding her. I feel so alone and scared of how I’m feeling. And then there’s the guilt on top of it. X

    • #117563
      Freedom111
      Participant

      I’m going to try and get a gp appointment, I already have medication for anxiety and depression but since all of this is just feel I’m getting worse x

    • #117566
      KIP.
      Participant

      Talk to the Samaritans. It’s a free phone number and they helped me a lot in the beginning. There’s the national domestic abuse helpline x victim support. Gather that support team round you x

    • #117570
      gettingtired
      Participant

      Hi Freedom, yes I agree please call one of the helplines. Just being able to speak to someone in that moment where you’re feeling really awful and shaky/anxious I think would really help. Mindfulness, breathing techniques, putting a film on, going for a jog? Sorry I know these are all obvious things but I’m just trying to think of the best techniques. Podcasts, relaxing bath, reading, I enjoy a spot of adult colouring, anything to give you some distraction.
      I wrote a list of all the horrible things my partner has called me before a few weeks ago. Quite shocking when you look at it written down. I know our brains seem to automatically just want to remember the good times but maybe writing a list of all the horrible things he has done might help to remind you that you’ve absolutely made the right decision?
      I’m sorry if I havent helped a great deal. I do really feel for you as i can hear in your comments how awful it must be for you 🙁
      You’re so amazingly strong for leaving. Honestly it’s an inspiration for people like me who haven’t left yet xx

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