• This topic has 8 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 years ago by Ssss.
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    • #56076
      Ssss
      Participant

      It’s late… past 11pm he’s been hoovering… now he’s drilling I’ve asked him to stop there’s kids who have to get up for school and me work.. he will spend all day asleep… he’s shouted and screamed at me all day… in front of the kids. One child won’t listen to a word I say.. and at the moment will sit with him because he can play on computer all day.. doesn’t have to wash get dressed can swear.. put uniform in wash.. he won’t say to go to bed will just leave them stay up all night.. can do whatever they want whenever they want. Can swear at me if they like play with knives it’s all ok he won’t say a word.. if I do he laughs and says what a nag… the child is obviously behaving how they want.. getting in trouble at school.. swearing he just egnores it all… what can I do?

    • #56090
      Tiffany
      Participant

      Leave. It’s the only thing that will change anything. Also, even if the kids do initially want to stay with him, and I will be surprised if they do, a couple of weeks of them not going to school, playing with knives and having no clean clothes and I think social services will be pushing for you to have custody! If you have evidence of his abusive behaviour then he may well not get custody even initially.

    • #56121
      Ssss
      Participant

      Thanks Tiffany.. yes so true.. I’m just so scared of one child saying I’m not coming… but someone else said exactly what you said about social services.. but he would be perfect while they were around.. but yes it really is that simple leave… he always has to have someone on side with him.. a Ali and then the other can be abused… and he used to do this to me with his older child and I put up with that for years.. they go on his side partly so they are not the abused.. and then they just become like him… and yesterday day this was worse than anything as this was my own child really joining in with him… he told me maybe I should listen to him.. so yes nothing else matters just leave him.. it’s not fair on the child.. I get what people have said now I am in a way putting my kids at risk they deserve better than this…

    • #56122
      Tiffany
      Participant

      Honestly, I don’t think he could keep it up. I am fortunate in that my abuser and I didn’t have kids. But his nephew came to stay sometimes. I have a condition which basically makes me tire more quickly than most people. I looked after his nephew all day. We played games, I made him lunch, he helped me gardening, we did the chores, I made him tea. That evening when my abuser got home I mentioned that I was tired after looking after his nephew all day. I was the absolute spawn of Satan for saying that and he made my life hell for days. That weekend I left him to look after his nephew. They played for literally maybe 5 minutes. Then my delightful abuser was tired and made his nephew watch telly for the next three hours, until his parents got back! I dread to think what would happen if he was ever left with kids for longer, so I can totally understand your fear, but parenting is tough. I don’t think that your abuse could hold things together as a single parent for more than a couple of days before his neglect of the children would become clear. And if your kids are taken out of an environment where they have to take their father’s side to avoid abuse then I would really expect them to be happier with you.

    • #56124
      Ssss
      Participant

      Yes.. your right.. what you say makes perfect sense.. I think yes he can never keep up his act for very long… this has been a long time coming… I am getting closer Day by day… I am starting to put things in place to get away.. and it will be for good this time..

    • #56132
      KIP.
      Participant

      Get you local women’s aid involved, they were fantastic help to me with housing, police etc. You need all the help you can get. Meantime keep a journal of his abuse. Your kids will learn his behaviour but worse, he will use them to upset and destroy you just to watch you suffer and break down. They love to see us distressed and no coping. It makes them feel big and powerful. Even if it harms their own children. My ex used to play th tv really really loud. Pushing for a reaction for me. Knowing I was trying to sleep. They are all as bad. He’s looking for a reaction from you so he can try to make you feel worthless x

    • #56368
      Ssss
      Participant

      Yes kip.. I am keeping a journal.. and as for the children yes they are starting to be nasty to me and he encourages it… he said today in front of our young child that I am his biggest mistake he’s ever made.. he is so vile to me if he insults me.. he says it’s not an insult it’s true… that’s when he’s not being flat out abusive… and yes all infront of the kids..

    • #56369
      KIP.
      Participant

      That’s actually child abuse. I recorded my ex and it was played in court. He’s abusing your children. Keep trying Women’s Aid. Be very careful as the violence got worse when he was losing control. It sounds like his behaviour is escalating in that direction.

    • #56370
      Ssss
      Participant

      He comes out with it when I least expect it… when I do try and get the phone he says nothing… I have had lots of journals… which yes he has destroyed… I now hide them well always did but better places now.. he like others is very clever in his ways he went from being very violent but never in visible places… nowardays he he isconcentrating on turning the children against me… and telling them that it’s me.. who’s shouting and being abusive…he very subtle…. but I have finally seen the light although I think it may be too late my older ones are going like him… but I aim to get away asap…..

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