20th December 2015 at 11:49 am #6392TamraParticipant
wow what an awful morning I’m having. I woke at 4 then went back to sleep –
I dreamt some awful dreams with him and her and a house we used to live in before we moved to the house I have just left. We moved due to him kicking me out after a woman he got with and we said to move to get away from the rubbish that happened and then yes he did it again in the next house. In my dream –
I was pushed away by him and I was fighting to get his attention, he kept putting her first and I was just crying and running and clutching to him for dear life – I guess like I would have done all the many years before. Being with someone way over a decade then being discarded feels like the hardest thing I have ever been though. I loved him I gave my everything to him and now I’ve been tossed aside.
I know the type of life style they will be having, holidays, dinning, trips out, loving each other etc. and she’s plastering it all over FB, I can’t see any of his or her stuff on FB as I blocked them but I am very aware it happens.
After my dreams and even waking up half way though crying then going back to sleep and waking in a state of anxiety I feel like I’m going mad or having a psychotic break down. I’m sad and all I feel is that he can put it right – I know this is madness and I have read that narcissistic people never feel whole unless they are having all the attention and they like material things such as holidays, dinning, cars, expensive clothes etc. etc. and that is him all over but I had that too and I never classed myself as materialistic but I did enjoy that with him (well he did ruin the good things too) the way I helped him was doing up the properties he had and believe me I worked really hard and he ended up saying I did nothing but picked up a broom or went along for the ride. The lies he tells I know he believes them but that’s crazy. Let’s see if she wants to everything I did as well as work and look after her child, guess she will as he will manipulate her too. But to be honest the way she is plastering everything I feel like I don’t care about her as she doesn’t consider how I may feel even though I guess it’s all done by his approval as he still wants me hurt.
This is my problem I live in that world in my mind and even theirs and I hate it and want to step out. Nearly been gone a few months but want to feel relief not pinning for him and feeling jealous, or what ever it is, that she stepped right into my shoes and is living the exciting life I had, ok I had the emotional and mental abuse and a high level of control I can’t even imagine as real no matter how much I go over it. It will be different for her as she’s not me and she may be so different that she will change his false wounded self.
I’m writing this out so I stop myself from contacting him as My God the grief I would get just wouldn’t be worth it he would lap it up and I would feel even more crushed than I do now.
My chest is now very tight and the loss anxiety is high today. Sorry for going on but I don’t really know Anyone else apart from you ladies who will understand what I’m talking about
20th December 2015 at 4:33 pm #6399StarlightParticipant
I can fulling understand how you feel Tamra. It is so hard and the pain you feeling is almost unbearable. You have turned inside out for this man and now he has left you for what he thinks is something better.
You are a caring, loving and committed lady and you gave your all. I know how that feels when all you get back is negative criticism, mental anguish and then to be dumped like a useless possession for some other possession.
I was replaced within a few days although i just know he was seeing her before although he denied it.
I also go over the life they are probably having and wondering if he thinks of me or if shes doing all i did for him. Its being cruel to ourselves but we cant help it! I turned inside out for this man as did you and even thats never good enough for these men.
Just have to try move forward now. Iwas living from hour to hour but now just take it one day at a time. Its not easy its the hardest thing i have ever had to face.
Wish i could be there to give you a hug xx
20th December 2015 at 6:25 pm #6403KIP.Participant
Tamra, it really will get better. I’ve been where you are and it’s not nice. But I can tell you these abusers never change and she is in for a world of hurt. Getting over an abuser is like breaking a drug habit. It’s hell in the cold turkey stage (no contact is the key) but I promise you one day you will look back on the loser and wonder what you ever saw in him. They are all the same. Mine is a pathological liar too and is getting caught out big style. You deserve so much more. Try to take baby steps and concentrate on yourself❤️
20th December 2015 at 9:00 pm #6412martian29Participant
I know exactly how you are feeling as I am going through the same pain with my ex. I was with him over two decades and he moved on with another woman soon after I left him. I keep thinking how could he?, when I am left bereaved of the hopes and dreams I had and unable to even think about another relationship. Did I ever mean anything to him at all?
I feel exactly as you do, like she has stepped into my shoes, slept in our bed with him, sat with him in our family home watching our TV together, ate off my dishes and even wanted to meet my children and take them out as a family together. She has literally stepped into my clothes as I saw a picture of her wearing a coat I left behind on social media. I think she did it deliberately to upset me. I have seen all the pictures she has posted on social media of the places he has taken her, the same places where we visited as a family together in happier times. She posts pictures of herself all the time posing and pictures of the things he has bought her. She posts things which I know is referring to me.
I have heard a lot of disturbing things about her and there is no way that I would allow her to be involved in my children’s life. I know he is spending all his money on her as she is long term unemployed and has a criminal record. He never spent any money on me or his own children and controlled every penny we had.
It hurts like hell, but I keep reminding myself as you should how abusive he was. We are so much better off without these men in our life. My ex is a psychopathic, narcissistic money obsessed little boy in a man’s body. He is incapable of loving anybody. Inside I know he is unhappy as he cannot bear to be on his own. He knows what this woman is but he would rather ignore it than be on his own. She thinks he is wonderful as she hasn’t seen the abusive side of him that we suffered all those years. I actually felt sorry for her and contacted her to tell her what he was like but she doesn’t believe me. She thinks I am a jealous, bitter ex who is trying to cause trouble. Maybe one day she will find out for herself.
All I can say is that it does become more bearable as time passes. I was like you when I first found out, I was crying all day, struggling to contain my emotions at work, having dreams about him rejecting me, even feeling like I wanted him back again. I am now having days where I even find it funny as they are both so pathetic. He has finally met his match as she also has a history of being abusive, narcissistic and psychopathic as people who know her have told me. Like him, she portrays herself to others as a gentle, caring, loving woman but he is in for a shock.
You deserve so much better than him and when the pain gets easier I hope you meet someone who will treat you as you deserve. XX
20th December 2015 at 9:39 pm #6417TamraParticipant
Thank you soooooo much for your support it means so much to me that you all understand where I’m coming from.
It really is a horrible works to get into and getting seems just a horrible but I know deep down it won’t be horrible in the long term.
You have all been so kind. I went out today for the longest walk and them a meal with a friend which is just what I needed 😊
Big hug to you all 😘
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