Viewing 4 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #131338
      Marmite
      Participant

      I havent been able to get on here for a while. My partner always seems to be around.

      He has started a perpetrator program but his behaviour seems to be getting worse. I dont know if that’s normal or not.

      He is being a bit more controlling and also passive aggressive.
      He has been raising his voice at me in public which I hate as I have anxiety and I don’t want people to be looking at me and wondering what is going on.

      I’m not a touchy feely person and he is constantly trying to cuddle me and snog me this week even though I don’t want to. He is quite forceful with the kissing even if I try to pull away.

      I’m not sure how much more I’ve got in me before I finally reach the point of asking him to leave

    • #131340
      KIP.
      Participant

      Abuse always gets worse and I’ve read other posts where these perpetrator courses make things worse because these men simply change tactics and abuse in different ways. He’s not respecting your boundaries. Please be careful when ending this as it’s a very dangerous time for you. Was the course court ordered? Is he just going to try to manipulate you and how do you know he’s definitely going. Nothing ever changes long term with these men. I’d start working on that safe exit plan now x

    • #131347
      Highway61
      Participant

      My partner wasn’t involved in a programme but the behaviour you’re describing reminds me of what he was like when I told him I wanted to end the relationship and we were still living together. In my experience, when asked to leave, he refused and the abuse then intensified. Luckily, I had started to engage with this forum and I had a very good friend who understood what was going on and was very supportive. Just because he is on a programme does not mean you have to be in a relationship with him and does not mean you should expect him to change. You do not owe him anything, you do not have to support him through the programme. Even if you are not ready to do it straight away you could always start to think and work out what your exit plan would be, find out who could help you with it and where you would go and which services would support you – start holding on to your own strengh. The fact that he is forcing you to kiss him is a warning sign from him that he could be forcing you to do much worse. It is confusing because he isnt doing much worse so you feel like you shouldnt complain and that you are probably wrong not to kiss him and you understand why he needs to kiss you and might be hurt by your behaviour. But he is not reciprocating your empathy. It is a way of controlling you and threatening you. You should not be treated like that. Remember that you don’t deserve to be treated the way he is treating you and it is not normal, healthy, or acceptable.

    • #131350
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      I have to agree here as I get stronger he gets nastier. Its tough its really tough. Can you get support to help you and your next steps? Hes on a program but that doesnt mean you have to stay doesnt mean you cant get help for you.
      You are important in all this dont forget that. Xx

    • #131364
      Marmite
      Participant

      Thank you. I do wonder if he senses I’m reaching a point where I won’t put up with it for much longer.
      He kept asking to be put on the tenancy but I’ve been firm that it won’t happen as I need to keep the security for my child. I dont think he will go easily though. When I’ve asked him to leave the house to calm down he has refused and I’ve just made myself safe in another room

      • #131365
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        How amazing are you for standing firm on the tennamcy issue. Take that strength ask womans aod they will be able to help you get him out if this is what you wish. Ive learned as we get stronger they get worse. Stay firm stand tall stay safe x

Viewing 4 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content