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I havent been able to get on here for a while. My partner always seems to be around.
He has started a perpetrator program but his behaviour seems to be getting worse. I dont know if that’s normal or not.
He is being a bit more controlling and also passive aggressive.
He has been raising his voice at me in public which I hate as I have anxiety and I don’t want people to be looking at me and wondering what is going on.I’m not a touchy feely person and he is constantly trying to cuddle me and snog me this week even though I don’t want to. He is quite forceful with the kissing even if I try to pull away.
I’m not sure how much more I’ve got in me before I finally reach the point of asking him to leave
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Abuse always gets worse and I’ve read other posts where these perpetrator courses make things worse because these men simply change tactics and abuse in different ways. He’s not respecting your boundaries. Please be careful when ending this as it’s a very dangerous time for you. Was the course court ordered? Is he just going to try to manipulate you and how do you know he’s definitely going. Nothing ever changes long term with these men. I’d start working on that safe exit plan now x
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My partner wasn’t involved in a programme but the behaviour you’re describing reminds me of what he was like when I told him I wanted to end the relationship and we were still living together. In my experience, when asked to leave, he refused and the abuse then intensified. Luckily, I had started to engage with this forum and I had a very good friend who understood what was going on and was very supportive. Just because he is on a programme does not mean you have to be in a relationship with him and does not mean you should expect him to change. You do not owe him anything, you do not have to support him through the programme. Even if you are not ready to do it straight away you could always start to think and work out what your exit plan would be, find out who could help you with it and where you would go and which services would support you – start holding on to your own strengh. The fact that he is forcing you to kiss him is a warning sign from him that he could be forcing you to do much worse. It is confusing because he isnt doing much worse so you feel like you shouldnt complain and that you are probably wrong not to kiss him and you understand why he needs to kiss you and might be hurt by your behaviour. But he is not reciprocating your empathy. It is a way of controlling you and threatening you. You should not be treated like that. Remember that you don’t deserve to be treated the way he is treating you and it is not normal, healthy, or acceptable.
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Thank you. I do wonder if he senses I’m reaching a point where I won’t put up with it for much longer.
He kept asking to be put on the tenancy but I’ve been firm that it won’t happen as I need to keep the security for my child. I dont think he will go easily though. When I’ve asked him to leave the house to calm down he has refused and I’ve just made myself safe in another room -
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