He’s gone but he’s still getting to me

[tiredofitall]

I told him about (detail removed by moderator) ago that I wanted out of our marriage. He is completely n**********c as well as having a cannabis addiction and life with him is unbearable. Its mostly emotional abuse – mood swings, silent treatment, screaming in face, criticizing, never taking responsibility for anything, always trying to get into an argument, only one point of view that;s right. On top of that he can’t hold down a job because he thinks he is better than everyone else and its constant emotional manipulation. Occasionally things have turned a bit physical – he smashes things up, has held me down, punched my arm. He’s ruined so many special occasions for me with his moods that I just started going to things on my own. And then he’s moody because no-one wants to spend any time with him.
So we’ve spent the last (detail removed by moderator) in the same house with him either ignoring me or coming at me for being selfish for wanting to split up. He kept threatening to go and stay with his mum who lives a long way away and telling the kids (every (detail removed by moderator)) that he’d be gone by (detail removed by moderator) and they’d never see him again. Threatening to kill himself. Then he’d say that I should leave because its my choice even though i pay the mortgage and the bills (because he doesn’t have a job). So I say (detail removed by moderator). and he kept flip flopping around, i think always hoping that the more that he told me what a selfish b***h i was and that his c****y behaviour is because of how i treated him. After a dramatic day (detail removed by moderator), where he made us stay out all day until after he was gone as it would be too painful, he didnt actually go because he was (detail removed by moderator). And now he has finally gone today and I want to be happy but I can’t because he keeps texting me and phoning me telling me how i’ve ruined his life and he hates me for doing this to him. And I also think that there is every likelihood that he will just turn around and come back because he just can’t let go. and he does make me feel guilty, i dont want to upset anyone but he has made my life absolutly miserable and he expects me to keep putting him above me. Logically I know it all. My friends tell me all the time its not me. But by god, they really know how to get into your head. I just want to be left alone. I just want him to realise that this is the best thing for all of us. I almost feel like he wants me to step in and take charge of his life even after he has gone. Its time to grow up and make your own choices. I’m just so god d**n tired. Will there ever be a day that i relax and feel free from all of this c**p.

[Bananaboat]

Yes there will.

When there’s kids involved there’s always going to be some contact and attempts at control, but you will gain strength and confidence over the coming weeks and months and feel better. You and the kids will laugh again.

Turn your phone off, he’s having a tantrum. He needs to turn the mirror on himself but they don’t. Lock the front door and get an early night. You’re one step closer to freedom xx

[tiredofitall]

Thank you. I needed to hear that xx

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