He's left, but how do I cope with my reactions?

[YellowBird]

So, my abuser finally left the family home (detail removed by Moderator). And I’m a bag of emotional mess.
Guilt, because he’s ill & also had to go into homeless accomodation.
Unbelievable relief because he’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone and isn’t lurking both in my mind and in his room every time I come downstairs.
Fear because it’s just me and my daughter on our own.
Absolutely anxious that he’ll somehow find a way to come back, or still affect us with his crazy, irrational behaviour.
I know this is all probably normal but I’m struggling to manage the tornado of emotions.

[Wiseafter]

Hi Yellowbird, firstly I hope you are OK. I know what you are going through but please don’t feel guilty. It was his choices, decisions and behaviours that have got him where he is, nothing that you have said, or done. The repercussions are that he is out of your home and you don’t have a thing to be guilty about. Yes, he will probably try to either wheedle his way back, or continue to dominate and control you by sucking you back into his crazy making world. As much as possible have no, or minimum contact and keep it very low key and nothing personal or emotional. Be very firm about that and don’t get sucked into any further nonsense. If you can, get some professional support for your recovery. Remember you are not alone. Eventually you will start to look forward to yours and your daughters future and you will survive and thrive now that you are out of that toxic dynamic. I know you will. Take each day as it comes, be kind to yourself and expect a bit of emotional turmoil while you adjust. Sending you a big virtual hug.

[YellowBird]

Thanks Wiseafter. It’s mad, but even though I know all the things you’re saying, I still need to be reminded of them. I keep wondering if I should text to ask if he’s ok, want to find out if he’s being cared for (he has a long term illness), want to offer to bring him the things he left behind. Then I tap myself on the hand that wants to reach for the phone and say “no! He’s an adult, he can do this himself”…
I honestly didn’t expect this part, now that he’s gone, to be so emotional & such hard work!

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