1st August 2021 at 11:58 pm #129518ISOPeaceParticipant
I left a few months ago. Through the minimal contact we’ve had (about the kids) he initially tried to persuade me to come back. I avoided contact and didn’t answer his questions. He’s clearly been on best behaviour and has done various things to show how supportive he wants to be etc but the mask has slipped a few times. I knew it was all b******s anyway.
He set a date after which he said he’d assume it was over. The date came and went. Nothing has been said about divorce or the house. He still appears to be on best behaviour. But he’s not a patient man. I’m starting to wonder what’s going on. I just can’t imagine him patiently waiting until I decide to come back.
Maybe he thinks I’m working hard on the mental health issues he was always so keen to tell me about and that I’ll magically turn into the automaton he wants. Maybe he’s trying to make a show of what a patient devoted husband he is.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? Xxxx
2nd August 2021 at 8:02 am #129520NumbnumbParticipant
I’ve been out a year very similar I’m sure it has surprised him how minimal I have kept contact , only about kids. No mention either way about divorce or house . It hangs over and probably can’t truly heal until this is behind me. I inherited house from my mum and mostly think he wouldn’t try to take it ….would he? He often threatened to before he left as an abuse tool. Mine is not a helpful post but solidarity in a similar situation. It’s true we are never alone while we have this forum.
2nd August 2021 at 9:38 am #129521Grey RockParticipant
When mine leaves me alone I tend to presume he’s found a new potential hostage or is in a full blown alcoholic episode. In the past I have driven myself mad checking the blocked calls log and folder that any emails from him are flipped into. Even with the restraining order the court put in place he tended to contact at least weekly. Nothing now for a few months. Like you I don’t just breathe a sigh of relief and presume he’s given up. I’ve made that mistake before and been horrified to find he’s been busy contacting pretty much everyone who knows me being malicious and abusive. I now expect the worst and hope for the best. I have no more power over his insane antics now than I did when I lived there, and my mind can’t perform the bizarre summersaults that his can so there’s no second guessing him really. I just remain vigilant and am super cautious around social media (esp accept invites to events that might indicate where I’ll be at any point). I did ask my WA counsellor if I’m nuts / paranoid continuing to be hypervigilant. She said no. I’ll probably need to continue to do this for safety as an ongoing thing. For example always being aware who’s driving behind me and if it’s the same car for a while doing a double loop round a roundabout in case they’re following. All sounds / feels very paranoid but I need to stay safe and keep my location secret from him. Gah.
Here’s hoping you get some more peace from him, whatever the reason.
2nd August 2021 at 11:57 am #129523EggshellsParticipant
Whatever the reason for the silence, it won’t be him giving you space to sort out your mental health issues – he knows you don’t have any except for the ones he’s caused. He won’t want you to sort out any mental health issues that he’s caused because he knows he’ll loose control of you if you become mentally stronger and happier.
He set an artificial deadline for you to go back and you ignored it. That will have surprised him and he’ll be trying to work out a new strategy – the silence may be part of the strategy.
It’s possible he’ll be seeing a solicitor so that he can start the divorce on his terms. Please be wary of this as he’s likely to go for a 2 year separation which will look better for him but also drag the process out.
@Numbnumb I would think it’s highly likely that he will try to take the house from you. You’ll see a nastiness in him that exceeds anything you have seen before so please take legal advice. He’ll try to take the shirt from your back now – he wants to hurt you as much as he can physically, mentally and financially. You need to safeguard yourself.
3rd August 2021 at 11:41 pm #129596ISOPeaceParticipant
Thanks everyone. I knew you’d see a different angle. xxxx
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