18th February 2016 at 9:01 pm #9895
He’s mad! He spilled loads of b*******t about how he’s realized he has an anger problem which would be lovely if he meant it! Then he says he will help with the kids as much as he can… So he comes over and plays on the Xbox with My eldest and I ask him to have Our baby for half an hour so I can have a bath. I literally just get in the bath and he brings her up cuz she’s crying. Raaa! So I settle her and then tell him he doesn’t have any patience for anything… He So he proves my point and goes mad then leaves.
Then spent all of today sending me messages about how men can’t deal with crying babies and how I’m
Saying he’s a s**t dad. Took all my strength not to say that I think he is a s**t dad. Good dads don’t walk out. And not liking the sound of a crying baby is not a medical condition. It’s not an excuse, I don’t like her crying either but I don’t get the luxury of handing her over to someone els. So eventually I said both me and my kids deserve better and I block him. Then he texts me off his mums phone and drives to my house. After trying to talk me around and basically making out like I should be grateful for everything he did because apparently no men of his generation help with the kid- he finally left. Did I just step back into the 1950s though?! He still carried on about how he did more than his fair share….. considering he’s a bloke… I was like no- hang on- you did a bit of house work and changed the odd nappy!! And he said yeah, no other men he knows does that. Well they are all p%$#&s then! He’s mad! I had the fattest rose tinted glasses on when I was with him!!
18th February 2016 at 9:17 pm #9899Winterblues2Participant
He sounds charming! Pleased you’ve got good measure of him though. Stay strong we’re all here x
21st February 2016 at 1:17 pm #10097NewWingsParticipant
They are mad totally bonkers. Their madness has been a way of protecting themselves from psychic death. Well that’s what I’ve gathered so they cannot accept any perceived criticism of their behaviour their principles (who am I kidding) They can not will not look at things from any other point of view as that would be a challenge.
These are traits I have noticed.
They are always right.
They will never accept a did different view point even if it is backed up.
Anyone who challenged them must be mad.
They are miserable with money.
If anything is given there has to be a huge fuss made of their generosity.
They have primary rights over the bathroom. You may even find them sitting in your bath “oh I thought you ran it for me”
Running with tales to anyone mug enough to listen.
Washes dirty linen in public just to bring partner down.
Rarely has a good word to say about anyone unless they’re flying monkeys.
Will delete you from a memory. You simply weren’t there even if you were.
Hates illness of any type will disappear towards the end or simply not visit affected person.
Martyr complex this is a huge red flag.
Very short fuse with those who they perceive to be boring or slow, yet they often go over the same old story again and again in excruciating detail.
Poor sense of humour unless it’s scarcasm. Both sexes very b****y.
Obsessed with the appearance of perfection.
Extremely secretive but quite happy to go through yours and others things. All signs for a need to control.
Accuse others of all kinds of behaviour, adulterous etc projection.
Sense expectation of deferential behaviour.
Inability to think things through to the end.
Obession sexual power, money
Money and more money.
Need to have others dance in attendance to them.
For those who see through the false persona and charade psychic death.
They will do anything within their power to destroy others including exclusion,smear campaigns and even potential threat to life.
Everything is invested in the maintainence of the facade.
Those who tow the line can be left alone.
Others are to be tolerated.
If this is all old hat and I bet it is apologies.
It’s just that I have come to realise that I was brought up by one,my sister is one and my brother is a flying monkey.
They sided with my ex because they recognise each other at a deep level.
Recently I have found out that my mother has rewritten her childhood. She has told out and out lies about her family. Funnily enough we saw little or nothing of her parents. Yet they lived very close by. She loathed her father and yet he did so much for her and made us wonderful toys as children.
When I was a child ,she told me how much is hated her father.Yet when I met him I loved him as he loved children. My mother on the other hand was and is a martyr. Yet she was distant, cold didn’t listen and always gave horrible presents with no thought or care. When she was in good form she was dazzling beautiful and she really had film star looks,no wonder my father fell for her. They married 6mths after they met. He was able to give her all the material things she wanted but ultimately that wasn’t enough. We children were the ones to suffer.
I married a male version of my mother. OMG
18th February 2016 at 9:55 pm #9909
Just read back my post. I swore allot and sound like a rite cow 😞. I was just frustratedly ranting on here. I’d never have dared say all that to him. I’ve calmed down since… But still annoyed at his actions. He walked out on me when out baby was weeks old. Since then it’s all just words. In fact I think it always was just words
18th February 2016 at 10:04 pm #9912Falling SkysParticipant
Don’t worry they would make a saint swear.
18th February 2016 at 10:48 pm #9916AyannaParticipant
You summed it up well. Your life will be so good without him. Begin to enjoy it now. Stay safe! x*x
19th February 2016 at 10:22 am #9939LisaMain Moderator
Such a frustrating situation Starmoon, sounds like you handled it really well. Well done!
19th February 2016 at 2:37 pm #9943Confused123Participant
d worry we all want to swear at them, let me tell u there r loads of decent dads and guys out there who do loads for there kids, i wasnt with a lucky one but it shocks me when i see my friends and families partner doting on there kids , they actually send there partners out , do all nappy changes and even wake up in night to do feed, so thats c**p that guys dont do it , well done on the way u responded
19th February 2016 at 4:19 pm #9952SilkyHalideParticipant
A friend posted this on social media – exclaiming at the ridiculous concept.
When he was discussing what had gone wrong between us, My ex commented to me referring back to this post, that he knew this was old fashioned and extreme but he didn’t see why a lot of it shouldn’t be applicable to how I should have treated him.
And the stupid thing is I wasn’t surprised. I had been dreading him seeing it at the time because I knew by this time that this was his attitude.
Your 1950s reference brought it back to me with a shiver.
19th February 2016 at 7:04 pm #9958
I see such a change in you- strong woman! Xx
19th February 2016 at 7:19 pm #9959
Re the 1950s:
My ex was younger than me ( he is quite young even now )!and his outward or social persona was that he was very laissez-faire and laid back.
At home? A different story.
As I have revealed before, he was a poor present-giver. He would often buy me nothing, or something very cheap.
So I was surprised to receive a gift for out final Xmas- but it turned out to be an ultimatum/ warning:
An unusually lovely card, yes, but inside, a direction to heed his present, which was a book ‘How to please your man’ which included instructions to warm his slippers by the fire and greet him by the door.
Yet he abandoned me angrily when I was literally dying in hospital to go and have beers.
PS this ‘man’ is not even middle-aged. I say man, he is of short stature and obviously has Napoleon/ short man syndrome.
How could I have tolerated such self-interest?!!!!
19th February 2016 at 7:31 pm #9960
PS if you want to know what happened to the book, I happily burnt it a few months ago.
I am for equality, I am afraid .
Worst thing is: my ex’s best friend is married to a woman who does the 1950s stuff- even though he is having flings at lunchtime. Heartbreaking.
21st February 2016 at 8:59 pm #10155
Thank you for all your replies. I can’t believe he got you that book serenity- how blatent of him.
It’s becoming increasingly obvious how old fashioned his outlook is.. Yet when we met, he made out he was the ultimate modern man with such a laid back mindset… He couldn’t be more different.
He kept going on about how considering how he was bought up (his poor mum has had no life outside her children) he does more than his fair share. I’m pretty sure he’s implying from this, that he’s been bought up seeing that men don’t help at home. Well that doesn’t make it rite… And nore does it mean I should think myself lucky. I argued my point by saying all the fathers I know do their equal share and that includes my dad and brother… In fact they both probably do/did more with the children and us as children than my mum and sister not law. His reply was that he’d forgotten I know so many men. How mature of him. His outlook on life is so much darker than he makes out. I can’t believe I’ve got so far into something with someone when I don’t really know them at all.
I can see where this is heading and I need to stay strong
21st February 2016 at 9:13 pm #10159
Ps- just read the 1950s link…. So much rang true!!i feel sick lol
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